My family was horrible to me. Abused me in every way you could imagine. When I finally CTB. I will be so happy that they are left with the after effects. It sucks to say. But that's how shitty they were to me. Sometimes your own family is your worst enemy
I'm sorry you had such abusive people around you. It's no real wonder you feel like this. I maybe don't feel it to this extent but that's probably because my experience of abuse was less.
There was certainly some though. In terms of my blood relations, I do love them and do feel bad about the affect it might have on them. To the extent that I want to wait for my Dad to go first. He's the last remaining close family member for me. My more distant family is just that- very distant. I haven't seen them in maybe 20+ years. I still worry for them seeing as mine would be the first suicide in my family I know of. I expect it would be quite a shock.
It's my step relations though that I've had all the problems with. One in particular, I believe to be a narcissist and they were the major cause of me becoming suicidal to begin with. I doubt they'll feel a thing though. Asides from somehow managing to turn it around so that they are the victim. The other step relations, I have complicated relationships with. I definitely don't want to hurt them but again, I'm not sure how hurt they really would be. It's hard to judge. I suppose I feel less loyalty to stick around to not make them possibly feel bad though. Why should we feel that bad when they are part of the reason we are like we are? I'm sorry for your experience.
There was certainly some though. In terms of my blood relations, I do love them and do feel bad about the affect it might have on them. To the extent that I want to wait for my Dad to go first. He's the last remaining close family member for me. My more distant family is just that- very distant. I haven't seen them in maybe 20+ years. I still worry for them seeing as mine would be the first suicide in my family I know of. I expect it would be quite a shock.
It's my step relations though that I've had all the problems with. One in particular, I believe to be a narcissist and they were the major cause of me becoming suicidal to begin with. I doubt they'll feel a thing though. Asides from somehow managing to turn it around so that they are the victim. The other step relations, I have complicated relationships with. I definitely don't want to hurt them but again, I'm not sure how hurt they really would be. It's hard to judge. I suppose I feel less loyalty to stick around to not make them possibly feel bad though. Why should we feel that bad when they are part of the reason we are like we are? I'm sorry for your experience.
Saturn_
Arcanist
- Apr 22, 2024
- 423
I hope, with all my heart, that my suicide destroys my mother's mental health and social status. But I know it'd never happen. She is too far gone in her own false reality and would never place the blame on herself. I could see her most likely using my death to garner sympathy points from everyone around her while obfuscating the bitter truth of her abuse. All efforts to sway her train of thought off the tracks of insanity prove futile. But I guess I won't have to deal with that outcome when I'm no more.
