is anyone else super codependent?

[nocturnal.fangs]

I've always been a very insecure and lonely person. whenever anyone takes even a slight interest in me, my life isn't my own anymore. everything I do revolves around them, my emotions depend on how they treat me that day, their needs always come way before mine.

if I sense them pulling away, it makes my depression exponentially worse. I'd rather take my own life than to see them leave me after all I've done for them. most of the times though, it's just me overthinking the situation (at least, I hope so).

right now, that person for me is my boyfriend. I'm really grateful to have him in my life, but sometimes it feels like he doesn't genuinely care for me. It's confusing, and I'm always conflicted on what to believe. he says he loves me, but his actions say otherwise. I never feel like a priority. I'm not saying he has to be the exact way I am, all I want is to actually feel loved for once.

I feel a stronger urge to CTB just to make him wish he did more for me when I was alive.

well, I'm rambling at this point. does anyone else feel this way?

 

[comeoutandhauntme]

i don't feel this way as often or extremely as i used to, but i did at one point. if there's one thing that i've learned, though, it's that actions speak louder than words. if you think his actions show you that he doesn't care for, and there's been no attempt to change on his part, then you deserve better.

i hope you find the happiness you deserve and are able to be more independent as time goes on. codependency sucks. i'm sorry you have to go through this

 

[nocturnal.fangs]

i don't feel this way as often or extremely as i used to, but i did at one point. if there's one thing that i've learned, though, it's that actions speak louder than words. if you think his actions show you that he doesn't care for, and there's been no attempt to change on his part, then you deserve better.

i hope you find the happiness you deserve and are able to be more independent as time goes on. codependency sucks. i'm sorry you have to go through this

I'm happy to hear that you don't feel this way as much as you did anymore. you make a really great point, but it doesn't feel like I deserve someone better, or anyone at all for that matter.

I also hope you find the happiness you deserve. this is my first post on here, and you're very kind. I wish you nothing but the best :)

 

[comeoutandhauntme]

I'm happy to hear that you don't feel this way as much as you did anymore. you make a really great point, but it doesn't feel like I deserve someone better, or anyone at all for that matter.

I also hope you find the happiness you deserve. this is my first post on here, and you're very kind. I wish you nothing but the best :)

you do deserve better! you deserve someone who loves you for you, who loves you as much as you love them. don't ever let your brain convince you otherwise :)

i'm glad i could help! sorry you've found yourself here, but welcome

 

[nocturnal.fangs]

you do deserve better! you deserve someone who loves you for you, who loves you as much as you love them. don't ever let your brain convince you otherwise :)

i'm glad i could help! sorry you've found yourself here, but welcome

thank you, i really appreciate it!

 

[Asya]

You need -1 more posts to view this content

 

[charlavail]

i have felt this way before a few times, but for the most part i swing fully to the other side of being hyperindependent because i don't trust people and i believe everyone is going to hurt me. which has also happened in the few codependent situations i've been. i was definitely super codependent with my ex who was an avoidant (i didn't notice this until he left me) and I ended up in a mental hospital and tried poorly to CTB because i didn't know about methods then. I also feel sometimes if I CTB then maybe he would care about me, but most of the time i think even if we dated for a year and he said he loved me that if i died and he found out he wouldn't care.

i don't trust people and am solitary or keep people a huge distance.

 

[nocturnal.fangs]

i have felt this way before a few times, but for the most part i swing fully to the other side of being hyperindependent because i don't trust people and i believe everyone is going to hurt me. which has also happened in the few codependent situations i've been. i was definitely super codependent with my ex who was an avoidant (i didn't notice this until he left me) and I ended up in a mental hospital and tried poorly to CTB because i didn't know about methods then. I also feel sometimes if I CTB then maybe he would care about me, but most of the time i think even if we dated for a year and he said he loved me that if i died and he found out he wouldn't care.

i don't trust people and am solitary or keep people a huge distance.

the other side is just as understandable, it's very difficult to trust someone.

I'm sorry you were in such a situation, and I completely see where you're coming from when you said you felt as if he still wouldn't care even if you CTB. it's a tough place to be in.

I also think it's good to keep distance from people. I wish I was a more independent person.

 

[purebliss]

Extremely at times.
I was always the "servant" type of guy.

If my brain decides "yup. This is now my mistress", it is practically game over. I start to crave as much closeness as possible from said person. Fully realizing when I annoy the person as well. But it is so incredibly hard for me to distance because I want more and more validation. I was never able to live for myself but have found reasons to live for others...

So far this only happened two times in my life...
With one being active rn.

I really hope at the mental hospital they can get this bullshit out of me.

 

[disgustedbyhumanity]

yes, i feel this way with friends or with lovers. it sucks, because people take advantage. meds have really made my feel worse so i dont socialize as much, but even when i do, i constantly worry if im making social faux pas, and my mood is largely dependent on how social i am.

 

[singingcrow]

yes, i feel this way with friends or with lovers. it sucks, because people take advantage. meds have really made my feel worse so i dont socialize as much, but even when i do, i constantly worry if im making social faux pas, and my mood is largely dependent on how social i am.

same. i'm like this my friends and people i'm interested in romantically

i care so deeply about them it can be overwhelming at times. idk if i can ever not be codependent

 

[violetforever]

extremely

 

[inconclusivesorbet]

Yes and it destroyed mee

 

[Pluto]

 

[Forever Sleep]

I was very clingy/ needy towards a best friend years ago. I got a reality check when they started spending more time with a romantic interest. I'm still prone to feeling that need when I click with people but, I'm much more careful now- to not let it really develop. Because, I don't like how vulnerable it makes me and so many people let you down ultimately- I've found. Or, vice versa. Given my suicidal state- I can't be depended upon either.

 

[nocturnal.fangs]

Extremely at times.
I was always the "servant" type of guy.

If my brain decides "yup. This is now my mistress", it is practically game over. I start to crave as much closeness as possible from said person. Fully realizing when I annoy the person as well. But it is so incredibly hard for me to distance because I want more and more validation. I was never able to live for myself but have found reasons to live for others...

So far this only happened two times in my life...
With one being active rn.

I really hope at the mental hospital they can get this bullshit out of me.

I relate so much. It's hard to escape when your entire well-being basically depends on that person. only finding a reason to live in others is also extremely debilitating.

and I hope the mental hospital is able to help you too.

 

[dreaming]

I've never lived for myself, I've always either been living out of attachment or out of spite rather than my own desire.
So yes, unfortunately I'm extremely dependent on others.
Despite that though I have a habit of distancing myself from those I care for though(few as they may be) because I don't want to make them upset due to my negative presence.