Is anyone else not good at receiving compliments?

[-nobodyknows-]

In this context, I'm referring to general compliments (ie those you perceive to be non-sexual).

I don't really know why, but receiving them tends to immediately shift me into a "knives out" state. I think the most likely reason is because I feel like what they're saying isn't true, or that they are complimenting a facade, or that it's actually not that good. It might also be some sort of anxiety thing. I don't really think that they're being sarcastic or anything. It's just an immediate flip of the switch, like a stingray getting stepped on.

"You have nice _ / You're really good at _ / You're very _."

Barbs out.

"It's not that good, actually/Great, thanks."

I don't know why I do this. It's some sort of subconscious thing. Does anyone else have similar issues? How do you respond to them, without coming off like an asshole?

 

[enjoytheride]

If you just thank the person with a smile, it doesn't mean that you either accept or reject the compliment. So this is what I do. And this way you get it out of the way instead of entering into a whole new conversation about it, which just makes it more awkward.

 

[Satori Komeiji]

I just try to say thanks and move on but I tend to get flustered and end up not knowing how to respond so I often just end up saying something weird or stupid instead :/

 

[quietwoods]

Happens often.

Seems to me to usually be one of two things:

1) You don't feel you are worthy of compliments.

2) You perceive the compliment or person giving the compliment to be disingenuous.

Used to be mostly the first for me, but lately it's almost entirely the second. The second isn't always malicious or manipulative, sometimes people are just hardwired to give compliments as part of their nature, but it's hard for me to receive compliments when I know the person doesn't mean them.

Idk I usually just smile and/or divert the conversation somewhere else.

 

[Ijustcantanymore]

I hate compliments. They are painful. I'd rather someone just punch me, it's faster. And most of the time I feel like people are just doing it out of obligation, or they expect something.

 

[-nobodyknows-]

If you just thank the person with a smile, it doesn't mean that you either accept or reject the compliment. So this is what I do. And this way you get it out of the way instead of entering into a whole new conversation about it, which just makes it more awkward.

This is generally what I try to do, but something about receiving them in more social situations (groups in particular) tends to set me off more.

 

[Lyn]

Yes, always. But I have low self-esteem, so I always take compliments as a mockery.

Or sometimes as a threat, as if someone is trying to get close to me with compliments to get something from me.

Either way, I usually just brush off the compliments and change the topic.

 

[enjoytheride]

I just try to say thanks and move on but I tend to get flustered and end up not knowing how to respond so I often just end up saying something weird or stupid instead :/

This is generally what I try to do, but something about receiving them in more social situations (groups in particular) tends to set me off more.

Just thanks as many times as necessary until the person stops. :D

Also, be ready to admit to yourself that you actually may deserve the compliment and there's nothing bad about accepting it. :)

 

[SilentSadness]

I can understand why this would feel confusing for you if you don't trust others. Personally, people don't compliment me much at all, so in the rare case that someone compliments me I just assume that they have an ulterior motive, which generally turns out to be correct. I hope you can figure something out and be in a better situation soon.

 

[-Link-]

I don't know why I do this. It's some sort of subconscious thing.

Your adverse reaction could be for not only resenting the compliment itself but also resenting the feeling of being forced to smile and accept it.

For anybody who deals with anxiety (especially social anxiety), being put on the spot like this can be an instant (and significant) stressor. This is especially so when the stressor occurs randomly or unexpectedly, as compliments often do.

An aversion to compliments can also be tied in with deep-rooted, underlying problems (eg. past abuse, low self-worth, fear of being vulnerable, lack of trust, etc.), and depending on what those problems are, hearing a compliment could instantly dredge up a lot of those bad feelings.

So if you're feeling hostile or irritated in response to a compliment, that might not be so much a reflection upon the unwitting person doing the complimenting, but rather a reaction to your body and mind's stress response.

How do you respond to them, without coming off like an asshole?

If you believe a compliment is misguided, you could say something like, "That's nice of you to say. Thank you." The first part qualifies your "thank you" in a way where you're acknowledging the kindness of their intent without necessarily accepting the compliment itself.

You could also say something like, "That's hard for me to believe but thanks for saying it," although this would probably invite follow-up on their part.

Also, be ready to admit to yourself that you actually may deserve the compliment

And then of course, there is this too~

 

[psp3000]

It depends

from family members: no (I think they are being fake or condescending because I remember instances where they compliment me as a joke or to basically say that something I am doing or wearing or looking like is terrible)

from men in real life: no (makes me uncomfortable)

from women in real life: yes

from men online: 50/50

from women online: yes

friends: 50/50 (trust issues)

lgbtq+ people: yes

 

[Pale_Rider]

Im the same. After a life of abuse, and conflict I don't really find them genuine many times.

 

[nobodycaresaboutme]

Always. I believe I don't deserve anything good. Once when I received compliments, I could not handle them and abused opioids to calm down.

 

[Endlichkeit]

I don't like receiving compliments, especially genuine ones, because people build up an image of me as being good at this or that. This means they expect me to stay as good as I am or even improve, and I don't want to disappoint them in the future. It puts me under pressure to work hard to meet their expectations. It's much better to stay unnoticed so that I don't feel obliged to maintain any standards.