Is anyone else just barely conscious most of the time?

[Strumgewehr]

[Please forgive typos and errors as I am able to think clearly RN, I might not even reply your comments out of inability to articulate a proper sentence because particularly bad today . I just need to vent, I hope you understand, ]

Things have been going south since I dropped out of college last year. I've been living as a NEET ever since. I decided to abandon my education primarily because my hearing loss was getting worse by the day. While I could and still can understand people in one to one convo, my brain have to work on overdrive filling in the gaps which leaves me really frustrated and exhausted. Add to that my already shitty memory among tons of other unrelated problems. My major (Physics) needed me to put a lot of work into it but I was barely awake for like six hours a day thanks to depression the resulting tiredness. I'd often find myself wondering why would I even want to put any effort into it anyway? So that I can live a dreadful life filled with depression, agonising anxiety and loneliness, working for the evil system - helping them build a shiny new plane from which they can drop bombs on innocent civilians and steal their oil? Rinse-repeat till 40 and CTB to be found rotting away after several months. Hell of an incentive, isn't it?

Lately my days are all about sleeping as much as fucking possible, browsing the internet when awake and in between jerking off five times not because I like doing it or I'm horny but to get a short break from this hell called consciousness. Apparently this way of living have taken it's toll on my brain. Most of the time my brain just sits idle in neutral not really thinking about anything. It's been getting harder and harder to get it to process thoughts with clarity. And if I put a little more load on it, like speaking to costumers for half an hour or solving a mathematical problem, my brain becomes so exhausted that it tries to shut itself off. I feel like I'm blacking out in middle of doing whatever I'm doing. For the same reason I can't hold a job. How am I supposed to function properly when I'm not even fully conscious? I'll likely CTB soon and kiss this life goodbye. Thank you life for your amazing hospitality. Hope to never see you again.

 

[Roadkill]

I understand completely... I sleep as much as possible, and hope that I die in my sleep

 

[TheDevilsAngel]

I feel ur pain, i dont hav a degree stay in mostly just been here not living.....life so crap im argry how most people get on all i want and everyone i think is to get on and be happy....its impossible to me. I daze most the time wish think also masturbate just to feel good....to forget the pain....i want it to end....i cant answer Ur questions but do understand what u sayin....we live a sad exsentance i believe... I think u have gotten far thou..im 27 and have lived my life inside in fear ive tried to get on but never succeeded... always feel humiliated and no good but i try

 

[Strumgewehr]

I understand completely... I sleep as much as possible, and hope that I die in my sleep

Thanks man. It would sure be nice to die in sleep. Holy grail as far as I'm concerned.

I feel ur pain, i dont hav a degree stay in mostly just been here not living.....life so crap im argry how most people get on all i want and everyone i think is to get on and be happy....its impossible to me. I daze most the time wish think also masturbate just to feel good....to forget the pain....i want it to end....i cant answer Ur questions but do understand what u sayin....we live a sad exsentance i believe... I think u have gotten far thou..im 27 and have lived my life inside in fear ive tried to get on but never succeeded... always feel humiliated and no good but i try

Most people do seem to be doing just fine. In fact, in my entire class I didn't see anyone sad ever. Angry? Yes. Disapointed at times? Yes. Frustated ? Sometimes. But never saw geniuene sadness on their face. I've even seen fuckers with absolutely nothing seemingly content with their situation. Anyway thanks for your reply. Appreciate it.

 

[Dead beat dad]

[Please forgive typos and errors as I am able to think clearly RN, I might not even reply your comments out of inability to articulate a proper sentence because particularly bad today . I just need to vent, I hope you understand, ]

Things have been going south since I dropped out of college last year. I've been living as a NEET ever since. I decided to abandon my education primarily because my hearing loss was getting worse by the day. While I could and still can understand people in one to one convo, my brain have to work on overdrive filling in the gaps which leaves me really frustrated and exhausted. Add to that my already shitty memory among tons of other unrelated problems. My major (Physics) needed me to put a lot of work into it but I was barely awake for like six hours a day thanks to depression the resulting tiredness. I'd often find myself wondering why would I even want to put any effort into it anyway? So that I can live a dreadful life filled with depression, agonising anxiety and loneliness, working for the evil system - helping them build a shiny new plane from which they can drop bombs on innocent civilians and steal their oil? Rinse-repeat till 40 and CTB to be found rotting away after several months. Hell of an incentive, isn't it?

Lately my days are all about sleeping as much as fucking possible, browsing the internet when awake and in between jerking off five times not because I like doing it or I'm horny but to get a short break from this hell called consciousness. Apparently this way of living have taken it's toll on my brain. Most of the time my brain just sits idle in neutral not really thinking about anything. It's been getting harder and harder to get it to process thoughts with clarity. And if I put a little more load on it, like speaking to costumers for half an hour or solving a mathematical problem, my brain becomes so exhausted that it tries to shut itself off. I feel like I'm blacking out in middle of doing whatever I'm doing. For the same reason I can't hold a job. How am I supposed to function properly when I'm not even fully conscious? I'll likely CTB soon and kiss this life goodbye. Thank you life for your amazing hospitality. Hope to never see you again.

Hey brother, sounds like you're in a world of hurt right now.
I doubt there is anything I can say that will assuage the pain you're in.
I hope you find peace brother, I know the deep piercing pain of depression and how that mother fucker can take everything away from you in a heartbeat.
I wish you the strength to do what you need to find your peace, wherever that may lay.
Good luck brother.
DBD

 

[Memento Mori]

being conscious would mean realizing the situation on here, and that would make lots of heads explode
we all need to repress some part of awareness of life i guess

 

[Xaphous]

Yes I've felt like that for many years now, I'm pretty sure it's from the lack of social interaction though for me, and when getting any social interactions they were just all stunted(can't think of a better term) or negative experiences. Being involuntary NEET myself for a long time too has made it worse. The title of your thread is a good summary.

 

[Strumgewehr]

Hey brother, sounds like you're in a world of hurt right now.
I doubt there is anything I can say that will assuage the pain you're in.
I hope you find peace brother, I know the deep piercing pain of depression and how that mother fucker can take everything away from you in a heartbeat.
I wish you the strength to do what you need to find your peace, wherever that may lay.
Good luck brother.
DBD

Thank you. Your life can't be a picnic either obviously since you are here. I hope you find peace as well.

being conscious would mean realizing the situation on here, and that would make lots of heads explode
we all need to repress some part of awareness of life i guess

Makes sense I guess.

Yes I've felt like that for many years now, I'm pretty sure it's from the lack of social interaction though for me, and when getting any social interactions they were just all stunted(can't think of a better term) or negative experiences. Being involuntary NEET myself for a long time too has made it worse. The title of your thread is a good summary.

I agree. I have a few friends and when I hang out with them I usually feel better.

 

[Davy]

Being a NEET and staying indoors all day honestly makes you brain dead. Everything feels foggy... dissociatied.. memory is getting worse. Lack of stimulation and no social contact is not healthy, it all seems unreal sometimes.

 

[JadedGray]

Yes (in regards to the title of this thread). I might as well be the walking dead at this point. I sleep as long as possible and when I'm awake I only do the bare minimum required to stay "alive" for another day. I don't consider what I'm doing living, it's barely existing.

 

[AutumnEmbers]

Yes, I feel your pain (although I don't know what it's like to have to live with hearing loss - I'm sorry you're going through that). I was forced to drop out of college (when I was very close to completing my course, frustratingly) because my mental illness and insomnia left me barely able to function. It hasn't gotten any better for me unfortunately, and I've been living NEET for a pathetically long time (this doesn't mean there's no hope for you though, so please don't take it that way). I can also relate to feeling like it's pointless to keep fighting since the world (and my own life) is such a shitshow anyway.

Sorry for my overuse of parenthesis btw, I guess my inability to construct a single coherent paragraph is evidence that my brain is turning to mush as a result of perpetual exhaustion. It's amazing how tasks that used to be so simple require a ridiculous amount of effort now.

 

[JadedGray]

Yes, I feel your pain (although I don't know what it's like to have to live with hearing loss - I'm sorry you're going through that). I was forced to drop out of college (when I was very close to completing my course, frustratingly) because my mental illness and insomnia left me barely able to function. It hasn't gotten any better for me unfortunately, and I've been living NEET for a pathetically long time (this doesn't mean there's no hope for you though, so please don't take it that way). I can also relate to feeling like it's pointless to keep fighting since the world (and my own life) is such a shitshow anyway.

Sorry for my overuse of parenthesis btw, I guess my inability to construct a single coherent paragraph is evidence that my brain is turning to mush as a result of perpetual exhaustion. It's amazing how tasks that used to be so simple require a ridiculous amount of effort now.

I can relate to not being able to do even the simplest tasks because of lack of energy.
I also overuse parentheses, so I guess both our minds have turned to mush. :D

 

[Weems]

Being a NEET and staying indoors all day honestly makes you brain dead. Everything feels foggy... dissociatied.. memory is getting worse. Lack of stimulation and no social contact is not healthy, it all seems unreal sometimes.

I didn't realize how true this was. I always thought I wanted solitude and would be better there. Oh no. You cannot withdraw from people. We are social by nature. It's inescapable. Plus, that's how you get laid, not that I ever will again

 

[Empty Smile]

I'm usually barely conscious anytime I am awake. I just seem to float through the day, waiting for night to come.


From morning to night, I stay out of sight....

 

[thatonekris]

I'm in the same boat, just barely conscious most of the time. "Brain fog" I think is what they call it. Atleast that's what I think I have. It has destroyed my life. Although I am in school (only 2 or 3 classes per semester), I can barely get through them. My attention, focus, memory and just pure motivation have all gone straight out the window. So I feel you.