Is anyone else in this Catch-22 situation with relationships?

[devin44]

It goes something like this: being in a relationship makes me feel more love, support and hope for the future. But it is apparently not enough to challenge the major depressive episodes, panic attacks, insomnia, serious suicidal thoughts and intermittent plans etc.

In other words I think that based on my past with hospitalisations and attempts, that there is unfortunately a high chance I will at some point end my own life. I will be pleasantly surprised if this turns out not to be the case. So, knowing this ethically, how can it be right for me to form and build a strong relationship and establish myself as the key pillar of someone else's life? My last ex wants to get back together and I would love to, but at least allowing her to move on a little and find another more consistent partner to support here would give her some help and stability if I do end up dying.

Does that make any sense? It really sucks.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

It's a really tough situation and a conundrum, when you need love to feel fulfilled but know that love isn't enough to fill the gaping hole left by severe depression or other illnesses.

Health problems are so painful because all the love in the world couldn't possibly cure them. Instead, love can be a crutch or a salve that eases the pain of some of those wounds and allows us to carry on in spite of them, but I think we all know deep down that love can't make those underlying struggles vanish no matter how hard we wish it to be so.

Not everyone will agree with me, but I think it's important to be honest, on a level that feels comfortable to you. It might be worth it to open up to your ex and tell her that you do still love her and want to be an important presence in her life, but you're worried how your suicidality will fit into that and if it's something she can cope with and bear it together with you. There are some people who are able to shoulder that pain, and others who can't.

Yet, solid relationships are built off trust and honesty, and if you can't open up to your partner about your deepest struggles and feel supported and vindicated from any guilt spurring from that vulnerability, then I think such relationships are not meant to last. Marriage vows include an oath to be with each other in sickness and in health for a reason. Telling someone the truth can be incredibly freeing, and better equip them to make the right decision for both of you.

I do understand the guilt though. I've had several unsuccessful relationships myself now and felt like a burden to my partners due to being suicidal and having a host of problems. I have a close friend online who is deeply in love with me and I have been extremely open and honest about my lack of a future.

They remain very supportive though and have never said an unkind word to me about it, nothing but respect and empathy regarding the situation. Others would say I am manipulative even for mentioning being suicidal at all. It's so highly dependent on the person, their temperament, and if they feel that they can love you regardless rather than feeling as if it's their obligation to 'save you.'

 

[sserafim]

I've never been in a relationship nor have I wanted one, so I wouldn't know. I think that life itself is a catch-22 situation though