Discussion Is anyone else here suicidal because they have no IRL friends?

[ScorpiusDragon]

I could have IRL "friends," by the loosest of definitions. There are people from college who think I'm a nice person. I used to hang out with these people back when I was in college. If I killed myself, a few of them would probably come to my funeral or post on Facebook about how close we used to be in college.
My boyfriend doesn't understand why I deliberately chose to cut these people out of my life. He knows I have online friends (I told him I met them on a depression forum, which isn't too far from the truth, considering they are my SS friends). He isn't happy about the fact the only people I talk to these days are people from the depression forum because in his mind, they are "useless people."
I know the most "obvious" advice people would give me is to go out more. Meet new people. "You live in NYC. It should be easy to meet new people." I've heard that line a lot. The problem is even when I meet new people, it's hard to find people I truly connect with. Even though the loneliness may kill me one day, I'd rather be alone than have a lot of friends whom I don't feel connected to.

 

[Darkhaven]

Apart from my mother i have no one.
Never created long lasting friendships with no one.
And the ones i used to talk to, i slowly cutted them out. I picture myself as a ghost in that university.
I'm there, but at the same time it's like i'm not.
I have been abstaining from interacting with people for so long that sometimes i swear that they no longer notice me. It's kinda sad tbh.
Still its far from being my main reason to tbh.
I have been becoming progressively more isolated over the last 10 years and i never ever had a suicidal thought, even though it made me sad when i thought of it.
If it wasn't for this pathetic disease that i started noticing a year ago, i'm sure that i would still have enough to keep me wanting to be alive.

 

[Alchemist]

Yeah, that's one of the many reason I'll ctb.

 

[WhiteDespair]

Like you, OP, it's difficult to connect with people. A wonderful childhood brought that into play. Pretty much had my family stripped away from me. Somewhat with friends. It took me months (years?) to understand that when people smiled at me they weren't trying to get something from me. Not too sure what connection to other people feels like. Saw my friend hug his father once and wondered if I could ever have that or whether it was stripped from me. Ghosted one gf when she said she cared about me because I couldn't handle it. Felt my heart drop when another told me she loved me and had to fight against ghosting her. I'll only realize there's a connection when I destroy the relationship and I feel that loss. Always have to push people back to arm's length.

NYC is a strange place. It has everything and everyone. Your options are limitless. Yet, it's easy to be isolated in a crowd. And those you meet seem to drift away in the wind.

 

[TiredOfLife95]

Yeah, that's one of the many reason I'll ctb.

Same here...so sad

 

[Wreck-it-Riley]

I find i have friends, and can make them easily if i really try hard. My issue is i know they will leave eventually. Everyone has. I dont want to CTB because i have nobody. More because i know even though i have people, none of them would really help me.

It kind of feels like being alone has 2 types. You can have a ton of people around you, but you know they will leave when things get dark. Or you can have nobody around for real. Both hurt so much.

 

[Neverod]

I used to think i had friends, we hung out and everything, i helped them in a lot of ways, thinking they would do the same for me someday, boy was i wrong. When i asked for help, all of them turned their back to me, and that's when i learnt i had a "friendship" with shitty people. Gave too much to the wrong ones, and now it's too late. One of the reasons is that.

 

[Wayfaerer]

I have the inverse of your problem. IRL friends but no gf. I'm not suicidal out of loneliness however.

 

[bakedbombshell]

yup. no one cares

 

[ReverendGreen]

I can't care about anybody enough to become friends with them
Even trying to talk to family members is impossible

 

[TheStranger]

Me too. I feel like I'm barely human and people can sense it. Like I'm right at the uncanny valley. I either creep people out or they take advantage of my kindness. I cannot convince myself that it is just bad luck. These cannot be coincidences if they are so constant throughout my life.

I am sad to hear that so many of us are so disconnected.

 

[Ghosted]

My friends only want to talk to me when they need something.

I have a roommate, but I feel like a ghost in my own home.

I just went through my contacts and realized that I have been ghosted by everyone in my life since the accident. Five years I've been pretty much alone.

When I commit suicide I'm not going to leave a note. Why bother?

 

[kkatt]

I believe many people here find they have few/no IRL friends mostly because we tend to push them away. There's also the possibility that other people don't find suicidal people to be the most appealing friend material.

It probably isn't the entire reason most people are here in this situation,but it sure doesn't help.

 

[TAW122]

I don't currently have any close IRL friends, like people who I hangout with regularly, go to events together, chat whenever and whereever. Growing up I had a childhood friend of over 20+ years before he and I parted ways due to moving away and going about our own lives. I have some acquaintances and I don't even talk to them on a daily basis, but just people I frequently talk to when I see them. As to answer your question, yes, it is a factor for suicide in the future (although I am not actively suicidal, I am more passive - meaning I do have some ideation but not planning or acting on it anytime soon), but it is not the sole reason, but one of many.

 

[Moonicide]

It is very hard to connect and open up to people in person, online it's a bit easier as we are less guarded... We don't have a face or a voice, we just have a keyboard and that in itself is comforting because it's hard for people to judge us personally. Like you, I have no friends IRL. All my friends are online, met a few offline but it never lasted. I have also met them on a Mental Health platform. In fact, I'm a moderator in one of the servers and it's going to hit hard when I ctb.
I'm just glad you have us and we are able to help you feel a bit less lonely in the process.