Is anyone else here convinced that non-existence is inherently better than existence but didn't CTB so far only to not hurt loved ones?

[Promortalistic4Life]

I really have no idea what to do. Maybe flip a coin like Harvey Dent when in doubt?

 

[Deleted member 17949]

I don't really live for my loved ones, I just haven't really had anything pushing my to actually end my life at a particular time so far.

 

[Living_Hurts_so_Much]

It's the only reason I'm still here. I hate myself for wanting to ctb and at the same time hate this life.

 

[Shinkansen]

I don't care about my loved ones, the only reason I'm still here is the fear of failure, it's hard to die.

 

[bravotess]

Yes. Thinking about making it look like an accident by just driving into a tree or something.

 

[Living_Hurts_so_Much]

Yes. Thinking about making it look like an accident by just driving into a tree or something.

I would absolutely love it to look like an accident

 

[bipolar19]

I don't care about my loved ones, the only reason I'm still here is the fear of failure, it's hard to die.

Same

 

[Deardaddy]

The hardest barrier is people closest to you. Since we are in existence the choice is yours. That's why we called sanctioned suicide which means acceptable .

 

[Unlucked]

The only reason I didnt CBT yet is because my partner is still alive. And the last time I talked about it he told me he would shoot himself if I ever did. He started sobbing about how he cant live in a world that im not in. My parents dont give a crap, hes the only guy in the world who cares.

 

[Deardaddy]

The only reason I didnt CBT yet is because my partner is still alive. And the last time I talked about it he told me he would shoot himself if I ever did. He started sobbing about how he cant live in a world that im not in. My parents dont give a crap, hes the only guy in the world who cares.

Same . Conditioning - ready - acceptance.
Just waiting for time

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I care deeply about my loved ones, which is why I'm still here. Eventually, though, I think the pain I feel will overcome that.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

Yep this is me 100% I want to ctb but the fear of hurting my loved ones is so great. I'm making peace with it though...it's taken years but I'm coming around to the idea that I just can't suffer any longer just for them.... plus I think I'm a burden alive anyway.

 

[Wayfaerer]

No, I want my suicide to look as much of a suicide as possible to spite my parents.

 

[Apathy's Girl]

I was staying alive for my husband but now I'm having second thoughts.

 

[ChocolateCroissant]

My mother's health is very bad and she is elderly. I'm so worried the stress and emotional trauma of my death will impact her. I'm also worried about my dog and if she will be okay without me...

 

[Nymph]

Your title pretty much sums up my life

 

[Jessica5]

As I just posted on a similar thread, I really don't care about anything that happens on earth after I die.

I don't care how upset my family might be over my death. I won't be around to see their grief, so I really don't care in the least.

 

[LifeIzPain]

That's how I felt for the longest time. I no longer care about that anymore though I just want the pain to end.

I wish I had just ctb while I was still in the military, at least my family would've gotten a few hundred thousands dollars from my life insurance then...

 

[Promortalistic4Life]

but I'm coming around to the idea that I just can't suffer any longer just for them.....

Same. Every fucking day is the same for me since the last 3 years and I'm convinced that it'll never get any better, absolutely no matter what I do.

No, I want my suicide to look as much of a suicide as possible to spite my parents.

Totally understandable. I wish I had shitty parents as well (assuming you have one), that, well... I would have been gone since a long time. But there are some people in my life that I want to deeply hurt, as much as possible, to show them "look what you've fucking done to me". So revenge is kind of a reason for me as well.

The only reason I didnt CBT yet is because my partner is still alive. And the last time I talked about it he told me he would shoot himself if I ever did. He started sobbing about how he cant live in a world that im not in. My parents dont give a crap, hes the only guy in the world who cares.

I'm actually the opposite. I wish my mom would CTB as well after I'm gone but I'm afraid she won't (she's christian) and she will either suffer for the rest of her live or die painfully from a broken heart + she's already often in great pain due to her migraine... god, this whole situation is so fucked up. I Wish so fucking badly that I could just erase the entireuniverse (multiverse), every single atom to ensure that no live willever emerge again to only suffer meaninglessly.

 

[heraclitus]

Same . Conditioning - ready - acceptance.
Just waiting for time

Me too.

 

[Dude1983]

I care deeply about my loved ones, which is why I'm still here. Eventually, though, I think the pain I feel will overcome that.

Yeah man im so close to that point which pain is unbearable, and i am fucking forced to ctb, when i would be really happy if my body was ok, like my first 30 years, im 37 now, but now my body is a suffering machine

 

[ExitStageLeft]

I don't care about my family at all. They were not horrible to me, but they were selfish beyond belief. I am prevented from CTBing for lack of resources to do it my way at this specific moment - N, in a hotel room in the city, after a month or so of exploration. As soon as I have the resources, I'm paying for my cremation, ordering N, booking a hotel room for a month, and buying an Amtrak ticket to New York City. (I prefer the hotel room because I live in squalor in a trailer and I refuse to die in this town.)

 

[Leshen]

Many of my family members, neighbors and friends died over the years and guess what? People just moved on, as they always do. The world keeps turning.
So the thought of having to suffer for two or three more decades so that my mom won't have to be sad for a while seems more and more ridiculous...

 

[Lost in a Dream]

I am also convinced that not existing would be better, considering how fucked up our world is and how it keeps getting worse. I'm still here because of family and they're all too pro-life for me to convince them that suicide is rational (unless there are some who are pro-choice and I don't know about it - it's hard to bring it up and ask) and so... here I am.

I also think that the longer I stick around for this reason, it will only lead to me feeling resentment towards them and doing it anyway, but I don't want that to happen. I just wish there was a good way to CTB and make it look like an accident without traumatizing anybody. If I could do it in a way that isn't obviously a suicide, then it would be less devastating for them. The only thing is, there is no good way to do this that I know of. Every good method that I've researched is extremely difficult, if not impossible to disguise as an accident, especially when I have been in the psych ward for being suicidal in the past.

 

[Wayfaerer]

My "loved ones" are responsibile for me wanting to CTB except a couple and even then, shit happens that you have no control over. I'm not going to extend my misery to make other's happy. My patience has run out and I am focusing on myself.

 

[heraclitus]

Yes. Definitely.

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

yeah. i'd never dream of hurting my little sister, but i can't live like this anymore. there's no such thing as a perfect suicide, because you'll always end up hurting your loved ones. it makes me sad, and it makes me guilty for being so selfish, but i just can't see the point of living like this.

 

[ward0x]

View attachment 41374

I really have no idea what to do. Maybe flip a coin like Harvey Dent when in doubt?

I'm convinced the bulk of us are here for other people. But I could be wrong.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Yes. I didnt suffer before being born.

 

[malcontent]

Yeah, I've been trying to look at the world on balance if it's good or bad for sentient beings, but it just seems like a slaughterhouse tbh. I can't help but see it that way, even if other people insist that the world is amazing and wonderful.

I'm partially staying alive for my family. But sometimes I think maybe the real reason is I'm just too scared of the act :/