Is anyone else here an only child?

[NoPoint2Life]

If you are, do you think it in any way contributed to your mental health issues?

I sometimes wonder if I would be a completely different person if I grew up with siblings. When you're an only child, you tend to have to spend a lot of time alone, entertaining yourself. Is that why I like to be alone so much? Being alone has of course affected my depression, even if I like to be alone.Is it why groups of people totally freak me out? Now, I barely leave the house.

I'm sure parents can have some effect on your situation too when you're an only child. I would think a lot of people would say that their parents focus on them even more being the only one.

I just keep thinking a lot lately that my parents must be so disappointed that I turned out the way I am.

 

[vanillamilkshakes]

I think i wouldn't be such an introverted person if I grew up with a sibling, since I was young my parents spent a lot of time out of the house working so I have been used to being alone for a while.

 

[nattys5thtoenail]

My dad had a daughter at 18 from a previous relationship but he abandoned her, I am 31 years younger than her.

He never wanted to have children but he never put in the work to use a condom

By technicality I am an only child but I have a half sister I've never met

I honestly feel like if you're going to have children you need to have 2, they need guidance and it builds social skills. You need to be a really great and wealthy parent to have only one child imo.

 

[Message In A Bottle]

Idk…younger me opposed the idea of having a sibling to the point that I'd get upset about them even considering it.

So I'm not exactly regretful or spiteful over their decision…it was my own doing as to why they decided to never have another.

I didn't like babies then, and I certainly don't like them now. And being born first, I would've had to deal with the baby phase. And having that babysitter role forced onto me doesn't sound appealing to me in the slightest.

Maybe if I somehow managed to be born first, making it to where I could've been the younger sibling. But life didn't work out for me that way, and I'm not the big sister type.

 

[Chaosire]

I sometimes wish I was an only child.
I have three sisters and two brothers. Had to help raise three of them, while I was in my early teens. Bringing them school/afterschool activities, cooking, babysitting, helping with homework etc.. They partly took my childhood away from me.
I had a few friends who were only child's, they seemed so much happier than me and some of my other friends with siblings. And most of them are still doing well now they're adults.

 

[dimgobaith]

I'm an only child but I don't think that made a difference. The fact my mother is a controlling narcissist however has

 

[NoPoint2Life]

I think i wouldn't be such an introverted person if I grew up with a sibling, since I was young my parents spent a lot of time out of the house working so I have been used to being alone for a while.

Yes, I wonder if I would have been more social just because of that.

My dad had a daughter at 18 from a previous relationship but he abandoned her, I am 31 years younger than her.

He never wanted to have children but he never put in the work to use a condom

By technicality I am an only child but I have a half sister I've never met

I honestly feel like if you're going to have children you need to have 2, they need guidance and it builds social skills. You need to be a really great and wealthy parent to have only one child imo.

Sometimes I think the way you do about having 2 children. I think we'll see more only children in the next generation because parents are realizing it's so expensive to have even one child.

I sometimes wish I was an only child.
I have three sisters and two brothers. Had to help raise three of them, while I was in my early teens. Bringing them school/afterschool activities, cooking, babysitting, helping with homework etc.. They partly took my childhood away from me.
I had a few friends who were only child's, they seemed so much happier than me and some of my other friends with siblings. And most of them are still doing well now they're adults.

Yeah, I see how that could suck. I would not have been a very helpful person in taking care of them. Or who knows, maybe I would have been if I was forced into it. The grass is always greener on the other side.

Idk…younger me opposed the idea of having a sibling to the point that I'd get upset about them even considering it.

So I'm not exactly regretful or spiteful over their decision…it was my own doing as to why they decided to never have another.

I didn't like babies then, and I certainly don't like them now. And being born first, I would've had to deal with the baby phase. And having that babysitter role forced onto me doesn't sound appealing to me in the slightest.

Maybe if I somehow managed to be born first, making it to where I could've been the younger sibling. But life didn't work out for me that way, and I'm not the big sister type.

I agree with you on the babies. Because I had no experience with little kids growing up, I am completely awkward with them now. On the odd chance I have to encounter a child. I don't even know what to do or say.
When I was a kid, I wanted siblings. All of a sudden one day I saw a friend fighting with her sister, and I realized that not only did I no longer want siblings but from then on, I realized I didn't want any children of my own. I knew I didn't know how to deal with them

 

[Ozzyno]

Absolutely not. Only children live in this delusional idea of having a 'friend' in their siblings. I have two brothers and they are no support in any way. Your mental health problems comes from your parents for the most part. Once you and your siblings reach the adult age you will see them as close relatives not anything more. You will have your life and they will have theirs. Of course there are exceptions (if you are twins or if you are REALLY close in age) but if you have a +2 years old gap there is no way they could be 'friends'.

My dad had a daughter at 18 from a previous relationship but he abandoned her, I am 31 years younger than her.

He never wanted to have children but he never put in the work to use a condom

By technicality I am an only child but I have a half sister I've never met

I honestly feel like if you're going to have children you need to have 2, they need guidance and it builds social skills. You need to be a really great and wealthy parent to have only one child imo.

You're not gonna develop social skills with close relatives. You're gonna develop them with strangers or people that are in a different position than you. This is why having a babysitter or leaving your child with their grandparents is not as effective as taking them to a kindergarten.

 

[NoPoint2Life]

Absolutely not. Only children live in this delusional idea of having a 'friend' in their siblings. I have two brothers and they are no support in any way. Your mental health problems comes from your parents for the most part. Once you and your siblings reach the adult age you will see them as close relatives not anything more. You will have your life and they will have theirs. Of course there are exceptions (if you are twins or if you are REALLY close in age) but if you have a +2 years old gap there is no way they could be 'friends'.

You're not gonna develop social skills with close relatives. You're gonna develop them with strangers or people that are in a different position than you. This is why having a babysitter or leaving your child with their grandparents is not as effective as taking them to a kindergarten.

You are right that many people with siblings do not get along with them and grow apart as they grow older.
I cried hysterically practically every day when my mother took me to kindergarten. And as an only child, I never learned to play well with others. I think I am selfish today because of it.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I loved being an only child. Then, step siblings came along and I became suicidal! I sometimes wonder if a biological sibling would be nice but, I'm not sure there either. I know plenty of extremely sour sibling relationships. At least as many that have gone bad as stayed good.

I agree though- I think it prepares you better for a life alone. I'm very comfortable in my own company. Although- true- maybe it does make us more shy/ intoverted/ socially awkward.

It's a bit like life in general I suppose. When it's good, it can be really good but, when it's bad- I've seen the terrible hurt it's caused. People manipulated, exploited, abandoned and abused by their own blood. That's got to really hurt.

 

[NoPoint2Life]

I loved being an only child. Then, step siblings came along and I became suicidal! I sometimes wonder if a biological sibling would be nice but, I'm not sure there either. I know plenty of extremely sour sibling relationships. At least as many that have gone bad as stayed good.

I agree though- I think it prepares you better for a life alone. I'm very comfortable in my own company. Although- true- maybe it does make us more shy/ intoverted/ socially awkward.

It's a bit like life in general I suppose. When it's good, it can be really good but, when it's bad- I've seen the terrible hurt it's caused. People manipulated, exploited, abandoned and abused by their own blood. That's got to really hurt.

My parents are still married, but I shudder
to think what would've happened if they weren't and step siblings came along. That must've been a horrible adjustment for you.

 

[Forever Sleep]

My parents are still married, but I shudder
to think what would've happened if they weren't and step siblings came along. That must've been a horrible adjustment for you.

I think it was horrible for all of us to be fair but yeah, one of my step siblings is the reason I became suicidal to begin with.

We're probably kind of 'privelaged' as only children not growing up with people who fight with us. I remember being horrified once watching a friend and her brother physically fight. Maybe like you say though- it makes us weaker in life. We don't have that competition with others from the start. Who knows? I definitely would have prefered to be without it! I'm sure they would have too!

Again, I'm not sure all step families have problems but again- I've also witnessed very fraught/ volatile situations. I suppose it's all just people at the end of the day. Did your parents have siblings? My parents were both only children too.

 

[nihilistic_dragon]

I grew up with toxic, abusive parents. Now that I am an adult, I wish I had a sibling so at least we could commiserate with one another.

 

[NoPoint2Life]

I'm surprised to learn your parents were both only children. I find most people that are only children wants more when they get older. Although I can think of one person who liked the experience and wanted her daughter to experience the same..

My mom had one sibling(who she says I am more like in the ways I can be selfish and judgmental. I admit that I am. Also, she really liked to clean so that could be where some of my OCD came from lol). My mom actually told me once that her parents only had her so they would be giving her older sister a companion.

My dad had three siblings, including a set of twins, but now only one of them is still with us.

My mom also told me that because her mother was sick when my mom was pregnant with me, she did not have a positive pregnancy experience and that was a good part of the reason she didn't want more.

I thought you were exaggerating that you became suicidal from one of the step siblings. That must've been a really horrible person if it's seriously made you suicidal. Especially since I am guessing you were still a young age. Do you ever think about how you would be today if you had never encountered that sibling?

 

[RABITIA]

I wish I was an only child, my brother caused nothing but suffering to me.

 

[losingsteam3141]

Yes, without any siblings I severely lacked socialization and is a bad combination with suspected high-functioning autism. My father was a loner and didn't see a benefit to enrich me socially. Thankfully my mother saw more importance but was too controlling and neurotic when I was younger. Unfortunately being an only child, they had placed all their hopes, dreams and fears on me for the worse. It has led to a deep unhappiness in life when I hit middle school/ high school and set me on my current trajectory. A lack of social life and major milestones is harder to bear the older I get.

 

[NoPoint2Life]

Yes, without any siblings I severely lacked socialization and is a bad combination with suspected high-functioning autism. My father was a loner and didn't see a benefit to enrich me socially. Thankfully my mother saw more importance but was too controlling and neurotic when I was younger. Unfortunately being an only child, they had placed all their hopes, dreams and fears on me for the worse. It has led to a deep unhappiness in life when I hit middle school/ high school and set me on my current trajectory. A lack of social life and major milestones is harder to bear the older I get.

I know, I think the only major milestone I hit was graduating high school. Only 2 years of college, which was a compromise with them . worked in plain office jobs for 20 years and never had the ambition to try for something better. And then deep into adulthood I develop OCD so probably when they thought it couldn't get any worse it did. I wonder if I will ever do anything that actually makes them proud. I will say they don't complain about it or make me feel bad so I hope your parents are the same.

 

[ssspadbye]

I have a younger sibling who I love, and her life and future is getting ruined and there's little I seem to be able to do about it. It's actually one of the reasons I want to CTB.

Siblings and family can be a source of support. But it can also be a source of stress, anxiety, pressure, and depression.

 

[Redacted24]

Only child here and raised by a single parent.

I don't think that is a factor in my situation, I know of many with siblings that are toxic and that hurts a lot (my mother has a sister that will not talk to her, hasn't for years); and some whose siblings are best friends to them.

Being a solo kid did make me more independent and responsible I think... my problems were only mine and I didn't have live-in peers to help or make them worse.

 

[Chaosire]

Yeah, I see how that could suck. I would not have been a very helpful person in taking care of them. Or who knows, maybe I would have been if I was forced into it. The grass is always greener on the other side.

I kinda went through the "gifted 'mature for your age' kid to brunt-out psych ward regular" pipeline.
I don't know how I used to be able to do well in school and take care of my little siblings. Nowadays, I can barely take care of myself. And I need the help of boyfriend and friends to take care of my dog and my apartment..

 

[EvisceratedJester]

From what I know, being an only child generally doesn't tend to lead to poor mental health. Only children generally tend to be just as friendly and as good at interacting with their peers as children with siblings. Many of them aren't lonely and, are in fact, quite sociable.

Here's an transcript from an interview that was done with a psychologist who happens to be well-known for her research on sibling effects on different life outcomes.

 

[blackcatmood]

Also an only child, don't think it works have made much of a difference in who I am today, though as others have said I might have been more extroverted. Biggest difference is that I think I would have long since ctb'd - my only reason for still being here is my parents, knowing how much it would hurt them to lose their only child and having no one to take care of them as they get older makes me feel too guilty.

 

[an alien]

I was an only child and I often wonder what my childhood would have been like if there was another kid. I ended up being both the golden child and the scapegoat depending on how my mom felt any given day and it absolutely fucked with me and wrecked my ability to trust peoples intentions. Then darkly of course, maybe I would have been abused less if it were spread over more people but I'd imagine any one that grew up with shit parents and a lot of siblings would guarantee an abuser can always find more ways to abuse. Their schedules are open wide if it means the chance to inflect more misery.

 

[NoPoint2Life]

I was an only child and I often wonder what my childhood would have been like if there was another kid. I ended up being both the golden child and the scapegoat depending on how my mom felt any given day and it absolutely fucked with me and wrecked my ability to trust peoples intentions. Then darkly of course, maybe I would have been abused less if it were spread over more people but I'd imagine any one that grew up with shit parents and a lot of siblings would guarantee an abuser can always find more ways to abuse. Their schedules are open wide if it means the chance to inflect more misery.

I'm so sorry you grew up in that kind of situation.

Also an only child, don't think it works have made much of a difference in who I am today, though as others have said I might have been more extroverted. Biggest difference is that I think I would have long since ctb'd - my only reason for still being here is my parents, knowing how much it would hurt them to lose their only child and having no one to take care of them as they get older makes me feel too guilty.

I think about that too sometimes. Both my parents are still alive. But I am a horrible caretaker. I already helped care for my mother as it is. I ask myself the question-which is worse, not having anyone to take care of you when you are older, which is the situation I would find myself in, or is it worse to have someone but you know it is really hard for them and don't know if they can truly be counted on. Sometimes I tell myself that if I actually did CTB, I would just be leaving them in the same situation that their choices would cause me to be in when I got older. And I don't wanna be in that situation at all.

 

[Lost Magic]

yes, and it's been bloody hard.

 

[NoPoint2Life]

From what I know, being an only child generally doesn't tend to lead to poor mental health. Only children generally tend to be just as friendly and as good at interacting with their peers as children with siblings. Many of them aren't lonely and, are in fact, quite sociable.

Here's an transcript from an interview that was done with a psychologist who happens to be well-known for her research on sibling effects on different life outcomes.

Very interesting, thanks.

Yeah, I always forget that China would be in a mess If being an only child left more people with mental health issues.

I was definitely a mommy's girl, but it rings true that I was reading at an early age and actually loved to read until this day.

For me, doing any kind of afterschool activity with not something I ever wanted to do and I did not participate in any in all of my childhood. I really believe that stems from growing up so introverted. and I definitely never had a large group of friends. It rings true that I was always more comfortable around adults.

I never had any imaginary "friends" probably because I was never creative enough to make one up. But I did pretend that book and TV characters were my friends. I was part of the Brady Bunch lol. even as I got older if I was weirdly obsessed with someone, I imagined I was part of their family.
Maybe this is where my mental problem started!

I'm jealous of this next generation where there will probably be quite a lot of only children since so many people don't seem to want to have kids or just one kid. It would have been nice to have shared the experience more with other kids.

But I always consider myself a freak anyway so maybe I would've been exactly the same if I wasn't an only child!