phoenixx
Experienced
- Apr 8, 2019
- 261
When are you going to do it? What type of method are you going to use?
Hope you'll be at peace soon and i hope the method is peaceful and painless.In the hotel room currently with SN. just finishing up a letter.
Awh, dont blame yourself. Maybe you had optimism and hope that it would get better? I've had those same thoughts since i was around 12. Now im 19, and ive released it was false hope and false optimism that just prolonged the time that i had and in turn made me suffer sadness even more. Sucks though, cause everyone keeps rejecting me as a partner to CTB with cause of my age :(Some of you are so young. You were just kids when my shit started and I was your age. You've grown up while I was sleeping. It freaks me out I don't belong here at all in this year at this age. The fact you're online talking about doing it before 20 makes me feel so stupid. That's not your fault it's mine. I still thought I had forever at that age and didn't sort my problems out whilst I could
Nothing will ever make that easier except N. It pains me because I squandered such potential
Hope you find peace :(48 years old here. Have been in and out of mental hospitals since I was 12. I'm just tired and there's no one left that gives a shoot. Really tired.
Good luck, you're not alone. May you find the peace you're looking for.In the hotel room currently with SN. just finishing up a letter.
Guess its just us as humans, wanting to believe it gets better and could get better. Everyone has those thoughts. Can't blame you for even having them even at 20. Maybe it happened for a reason, who knows.Well it's different for everyone. Experiencing these feelings at 12 probably caused you to grow up a lot sooner. I didn't. The worst part is knowing I had six years to sort my problems out and did nothing. I remember my 20th birthday panicking slightly but then going back to telling myself I still had time and it would sort itself out. All I had to do was get on a forum like this. It makes no sense why I didn't. I can't bear it. I feel like I'm forgetting something
I thought these problems would sort themselves out. 30+ years and the only thing that's convinced me the world was the loss of both parents, my brother that I held in my arms as he passed then my fiance passing. I don't really want to ctb just to have never existed in the first place.Well it's different for everyone. Experiencing these feelings at 12 probably caused you to grow up a lot sooner. I didn't. The worst part is knowing I had six years to sort my problems out and did nothing. I remember my 20th birthday panicking slightly but then going back to telling myself I still had time and it would sort itself out. All I had to do was get on a forum like this. It makes no sense why I didn't. I can't bear it. I feel like I'm forgetting something
I don't know. I want it to be. I have 3 furry guys I need to re-home. I realistically don't see it going past April.Do you believe you'll CTB in the near future? Cause you send like your in between about it and still deciding. But yeah, i dont wanna wait any longer and let the years go by and grow up for because i "think its gonna get better" and have false hope just to regret looking back when i was younger and ending my life earlier when i realized and had the chance.
Beautifully well put. I'd always compare my pain and heartache to other peoples for some reason. I was talking to a girl at work, that was going through sadness and i told her how i felt like shit even feeling bad cause her pain was way worse than him and she had told me that even though our experiences might be different, we both still are going through pain. Pain is pain. No one should compare or belittle or even undervalue someones pain and sadness.I really can't imagine anyones loss being anymore than anyone elses. We feel differently, we have different tolerances. My pain how can it measure to your pain? It can't and it never will. We all break, your breaking point and mine are no different friend.
Hope you find the peace your looking for also.Well, I wish everyone the best. I hope we all find peace eventually