borderline-feline
Constantly Sleepy Catgirl
- Dec 28, 2022
- 645
EDIT: I should've also added that the character didn't die. It was something that happened that I'd rather not describe because I don't want to give away who the character is. Most people on the English-speaking parts of the internet seem to like what happened, which adds to my feelings of isolation over it. The one time I tried to be open about it on a public social media account, I got dogpiled and harassed.
I'm prepared to get people thinking that I've completely lost it at this point, but I can't fucking take this shit. All I'm going to say is that there's this particular fictional character that I love so much that it actually physically hurts, and something happened to that character that has me spiraling to the point of wanting to die and name the creator of the character in a suicide note. I know that that's wrong, so I really want to avoid actually doing the note part.
I'm well aware that I sound completely unhinged. I'm well aware that this isn't healthy. I'm well aware that he's not real, but it still hurts no matter how much time passes. I'm not going to say what character it is, so do not ask. Do not guess either, as guesses will just make me worse. There are certain things that I know play into this, but I can't talk about them for personal reasons.
I hate all the pain, anger, and sadness that this makes me feel, but I also don't want to lose the anger and sadness, because as insane as it sounds, it would feel like I'm betraying this character. I wish I could just force the creator to change his mind and bring things back to how they're supposed to be, how things should've stayed and would've stayed were it not for this development.
I have so much confusion over this. I don't know why I'm so attached and devastated. Is it theoretically possible for a fictional character to somehow occupy a similar type of space in a person's mind as a "favorite person" in someone with BPD? I've lost count completely of how many meltdowns I've had because of this.
I can't talk to my actual favorite person about this, because I know that he has no solutions. When he has no solutions for me and can't do anything to help, it just hurts him, which is why I made the promise to him that I mentioned before about how I wouldn't kill myself.
I hadn't talked about this here until now because I felt that it would be essentially wasting resources if I'd talked about it here. I just can't keep handling this. I'm really, really sorry if this kind of thing doesn't belong here, and I can leave if it's not the kind of thing that belongs on this forum.
I'm prepared to get people thinking that I've completely lost it at this point, but I can't fucking take this shit. All I'm going to say is that there's this particular fictional character that I love so much that it actually physically hurts, and something happened to that character that has me spiraling to the point of wanting to die and name the creator of the character in a suicide note. I know that that's wrong, so I really want to avoid actually doing the note part.
I'm well aware that I sound completely unhinged. I'm well aware that this isn't healthy. I'm well aware that he's not real, but it still hurts no matter how much time passes. I'm not going to say what character it is, so do not ask. Do not guess either, as guesses will just make me worse. There are certain things that I know play into this, but I can't talk about them for personal reasons.
I hate all the pain, anger, and sadness that this makes me feel, but I also don't want to lose the anger and sadness, because as insane as it sounds, it would feel like I'm betraying this character. I wish I could just force the creator to change his mind and bring things back to how they're supposed to be, how things should've stayed and would've stayed were it not for this development.
I have so much confusion over this. I don't know why I'm so attached and devastated. Is it theoretically possible for a fictional character to somehow occupy a similar type of space in a person's mind as a "favorite person" in someone with BPD? I've lost count completely of how many meltdowns I've had because of this.
I can't talk to my actual favorite person about this, because I know that he has no solutions. When he has no solutions for me and can't do anything to help, it just hurts him, which is why I made the promise to him that I mentioned before about how I wouldn't kill myself.
I hadn't talked about this here until now because I felt that it would be essentially wasting resources if I'd talked about it here. I just can't keep handling this. I'm really, really sorry if this kind of thing doesn't belong here, and I can leave if it's not the kind of thing that belongs on this forum.
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