Involuntary celibacy?

[Supersadmommy90]

Hey guys. I'm a 30 year old woman who has struck out twice in love, and there won't be any third time for the charm. My days of having value in the sexual market are over after having 3 kids. My husband hasn't touched me in over a year and a half, he is much older than me, but still isn't attracted to me at all anymore, and doesn't show me any affection of the non-sexual variety. All he does is complain all day about household drudgery and teases me incessantly about my weight and how I don't measure up to his expectations as a wife. I'm not really that fat, but after 3 kids understandably a woman can't be expected to be the same shape as she was when she was 18. Anyway, he'll do things that upset me, like tickle under my slight double chin and call me names like "butterball" or "dumpling" knowing how badly I feel about myself. He treated me alright up until the last year or so, now I just feel incessantly teased without any warmth or tenderness to anchor the relationship or give it meaning. Sadly this is one of my main reasons for ctb. My options are stay with him and be lonely and celibate, or leave him and be lonely and celibate, or ctb. I'm living for my kids for as long as possible but sadly the lack of romantic love in my life I find very crippling, so much so that I am considering ending it. I realize that is selfish and it is something I am trying to cope with and come to terms with rather than acting rashly. My life is ruined by my loveless relationship and I'm over the hill, and it's all I can do to not ruin my kids lives. I just wanted to share regarding some of my reasoning for feeling this way to see if involuntary celibacy plays a role in anyone else wanting to ctb.

 

[Alchemist]

Seems like your husband is a jerk. I'm sure you can find love no matter what and there's nothing wrong with your body nor makes you any less desireable. I can bet that there's someone out there for you if you give it a shot.

 

[Lefty]

Your husband sounds awful for doing that. I've never been married and I've had bad luck with relationships as well. I'm male though. You might feel better if you're able to leave him. There's plenty of fish in the sea. Also, one saying that made a lot of sense to me when I heard it is, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder". Everyone is attracted to different things.

 

[RedAlert]

30 year old woman gainng a little weight you say? Join a boxing gym, while at the gym your husband can complain about the household drudgery byhimself.

 

[LonelyLight]

I'm 25 and in the same boat in terms of lack of intimacy.. not married but a 9 year relationship. Your husband sounds like a horrible person to treat you this way and belittle you. You really do deserve better and sometimes I wonder, is it better to be lonely and with someone who makes u feel that way? Or be alone. At least alone you have the chance of meeting someone new!! If you ever want to chat you can message me no problem

 

[ComradeA]

Your husband sounds like a dick, first of all. No-one should be putting you down like that, least of all the man who you're meant to spend the rest of your life with! I don't want to offer you empty platitudes, you're clearly dealing with a lot of painful feelings, but I do hope you try all the other options there are before you CTB. You say you're living for your children - Do more than just live for them, try and enjoy life again for them. I know it's not easy and going to therapy isn't an overnight fix but if you haven't tried it yet please do so before you CTB. Your low self esteem is probably due a lot to the things your husband says, and once you either work things out with him or leave him you might find that you appreciate yourself a lot more. Of course you feel badly about your appearance if you live with someone who's constantly putting you down! 30 is really not 'past it' age yet and whilst I'm not saying it would be a walk in the park leaving your husband does not guarantee you will be alone forever. People find love at all stages of life. I understand that things feel hopeless and really there's nothing I can say as a stranger on a forum that would make things better, but please remember that suicide is permanent and please make sure you truly have no other options before you try any of the methods found on this forum. I really hope I don't come across as invalidating your problems - they are real and when you're in this much pain it makes sense that killing yourself would start to seem appealing, but please don't make a rash decision. CTB should be the final option, once you have tried everything else and you don't just feel but know that nothing will get better. As long as there is a chance, you should give it to yourself.

 

[NextBusLeaving]

That's fucked up how he treats you. 10/10 would date you rather than see you kill yourself. My wife lost a bunch of weight and I fully supported her and she shitcanned me anyway.

 

[Sans]

Involuntary celibacy plays a huge role in my desire to exit. I've been rejected dozens of times, and never had an intimate relationship. If I had someone who cared for me, I'm sure I'd be at least a bit less sad.

 

[Wayfaerer]

I Guess you don't have many options considering the circumstances. I'd never suggest infidelity and divorce is going to mess your kid's lifes up (as well as ctb.) Have you considered marriage counseling? I'm sorry your husband treats you like that, it's really messed up.

Involuntary celibacy plays a huge role in my desire to exit. I've been rejected dozens of times, and never had an intimate relationship. If I had someone who cared for me, I'm sure I'd be at least a bit less sad.

You're catching the bus just because of inceldom? Try weightlifting and a change of wardrobe first at least before you end it all forever.

 

[Katerina]

Your husband sounds like my dad he treated my mum terribly she had the courage to leave him 3 years ago
He told her constantly she was stuck with him who would want her
She went on a sex site after leaving him she told me about it not all details but how it helped her build her self esteem before she died she met s wonderful man but by then she was too damaged to want to live.
Don't live for your kids they grow up and leave you need to find happiness in stuff you do

 

[woxihuanni]

Since everybody will say the obvious things, let me add a couple more:

If he teases you for weight and you feel bad about it, try and be the prettiest in your own opinion before anything else. It's worth the effort.

Sure, you can walk away from him but the next guy will also have his issues. Just make sure you ARE done with him rather than being goaded on by the cheer. Personally I wish my partner had complained about ANYTHING concrete that I could change rather than dump me. I'd count it a blessing.

You have three kids, so long as they are minors you are responsible for them. Poor buggers didn't ask to be born.

 

[TAW122]

Your husband sounds like an asshole and since you have children, if they are still young and not fully adults yet then yes, you should do your best to take care of them since they never asked to be born. Once they are of coming of age, adult age, then would not be responsible for them. However, this is just how I see the situation and don't really mean to put undue burden on you, just my two cents here.

 

[shango]

You're catching the bus just because of inceldom? Try weightlifting and a change of wardrobe first at least before you end it all forever.

Been there, done that. It isn't about your body type with women, it's mostly your confidence and speaking up. I can't do neither

 

[Wayfaerer]

Been there, done that. It isn't about your body type with women, it's mostly your confidence and speaking up. I can't do neither

Have you tried Phenibut?

 

[Supersadmommy90]

I was thinking of trying Tinder out. I took some selfies and it took me taking a dozen pictures before I didn't cringe. I really hate the way I look now that I'm closer to menopause than to menarche. I had a chat about this already with a friend and she said I am not one of these lipstick on a pig types. But still. I really didn't want to be dating at this stage in my life but maybe it's worth a try. instead of ending things, Even if all I can get is a symp, a symp that would treat me nicely would be better than my current situation, although IDK.

Your husband sounds like my dad he treated my mum terribly she had the courage to leave him 3 years ago
He told her constantly she was stuck with him who would want her
She went on a sex site after leaving him she told me about it not all details but how it helped her build her self esteem before she died she met s wonderful man but by then she was too damaged to want to live.
Don't live for your kids they grow up and leave you need to find happiness in stuff you do

Did your mom ctb? If so, how did that effect you and your desire to ctb?

 

[NextBusLeaving]

I can play a symp. Im a good symp. I do what my spouse tells me lol

 

[Rachel74]

I'd have knocked him out. But saying that I honestly think they don't fucking understand hurtful words. Maybe focus on his bald patch etc. He won't like that!

 

[AnnaJaspers]

I'm sorry but have you considered what your suicide might do to your children who you brought into this world, and whom you are responsible for?

Your tone sounds oddly and off-puttingly cavalier.

 

[Freetodie]

You have solvable issues.

Your husband is an ass -> Leave him
Not getting sex -> join Tinder - Regardless of how you feel about yourself there will be a boatload of guys on there who would give you exactly what you want.

It all comes down to you taking the first step. The first step should be to leave your husband. Once you're away from that toxic environment, you'll start doing better.

Good Luck

 

[Sammybackflip]

Here's an idea. Directly purchase sex.

 

[I’vehadenough]

Hey guys. I'm a 30 year old woman who has struck out twice in love, and there won't be any third time for the charm. My days of having value in the sexual market are over after having 3 kids. My husband hasn't touched me in over a year and a half, he is much older than me, but still isn't attracted to me at all anymore, and doesn't show me any affection of the non-sexual variety. All he does is complain all day about household drudgery and teases me incessantly about my weight and how I don't measure up to his expectations as a wife. I'm not really that fat, but after 3 kids understandably a woman can't be expected to be the same shape as she was when she was 18. Anyway, he'll do things that upset me, like tickle under my slight double chin and call me names like "butterball" or "dumpling" knowing how badly I feel about myself. He treated me alright up until the last year or so, now I just feel incessantly teased without any warmth or tenderness to anchor the relationship or give it meaning. Sadly this is one of my main reasons for ctb. My options are stay with him and be lonely and celibate, or leave him and be lonely and celibate, or ctb. I'm living for my kids for as long as possible but sadly the lack of romantic love in my life I find very crippling, so much so that I am considering ending it. I realize that is selfish and it is something I am trying to cope with and come to terms with rather than acting rashly. My life is ruined by my loveless relationship and I'm over the hill, and it's all I can do to not ruin my kids lives. I just wanted to share regarding some of my reasoning for feeling this way to see if involuntary celibacy plays a role in anyone else wanting to ctb.

He is mentally abusive. I was in a relationship like that and afraid if I left him, I wouldn't be able to find anyone else. I left him anyway and found a lot of men. I encourage you to do the same before trying to ctb.

 

[Sweet emotion]

Hey guys. I'm a 30 year old woman who has struck out twice in love, and there won't be any third time for the charm. My days of having value in the sexual market are over after having 3 kids. My husband hasn't touched me in over a year and a half, he is much older than me, but still isn't attracted to me at all anymore, and doesn't show me any affection of the non-sexual variety. All he does is complain all day about household drudgery and teases me incessantly about my weight and how I don't measure up to his expectations as a wife. I'm not really that fat, but after 3 kids understandably a woman can't be expected to be the same shape as she was when she was 18. Anyway, he'll do things that upset me, like tickle under my slight double chin and call me names like "butterball" or "dumpling" knowing how badly I feel about myself. He treated me alright up until the last year or so, now I just feel incessantly teased without any warmth or tenderness to anchor the relationship or give it meaning. Sadly this is one of my main reasons for ctb. My options are stay with him and be lonely and celibate, or leave him and be lonely and celibate, or ctb. I'm living for my kids for as long as possible but sadly the lack of romantic love in my life I find very crippling, so much so that I am considering ending it. I realize that is selfish and it is something I am trying to cope with and come to terms with rather than acting rashly. My life is ruined by my loveless relationship and I'm over the hill, and it's all I can do to not ruin my kids lives. I just wanted to share regarding some of my reasoning for feeling this way to see if involuntary celibacy plays a role in anyone else wanting to ctb.

Do you tell him how this makes you feel? If you want to leave him then leave him but don't kill yourself over a jerk who teases you about your weight. You're more than just your weight. You have worth. You have self worth. Know your self worth. I'm sure you have so much more to give to someone who actually appreciates it and loves you for you. You have to feel good about yourself or anyone else won't. Love yourself first.

 

[NextBusLeaving]

Consider me your first in line when you do lol