Invasive thoughts return

[plough22]

The thoughts are impinging again on me, trying to do things are becoming harder, tougher. The mind is seeing the negative.

I don't want these thoughts winning, the self harm and suicidal ideations which I thought I quietened, put away in another part are returning.

I have my plan but I was in an alright place and now this shit hits, why didn't you do this, why didn't you do that, why didn't you see it, why didn't you listen. Then the thoughts expand, I helped people with suicide. I just need help myself.

I can't go down that rabbit hole. I just can't. If so, I hope I find strength, I'm here in my bed, awake with these invasive thoughts. How my life could have been if I cut away those instead being nice. It destroyed me and tears me up. I hope for KARMA but seemingly bad and couldn't care types always win. See how my mind is. Any way anyone else fighting their mind, when is enough, really enough. I'm sure there are. My out will be tough but it's in place, when I say I'll do then I will even to my detriment. I'm hard on myself when all I've done was try to be kind and nice. I hate this life, hate it but I curse them when I do.

What do other do to stop these, what really works? Is there one or is it suicide to stop the hurt/pain and needing of peace?

 

[gottago222]

i made a post in this thread some people found useful here

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/how-do-you-make-your-inner-critic-shut-up.81011/#post-1448223

 

[DasDasDAS]

The thoughts are impinging again on me, trying to do things are becoming harder, tougher. The mind is seeing the negative.

I don't want these thoughts winning, the self harm and suicidal ideations which I thought I quietened, put away in another part are returning.

I have my plan but I was in an alright place and now this shit hits, why didn't you do this, why didn't you do that, why didn't you see it, why didn't you listen. Then the thoughts expand, I helped people with suicide. I just need help myself.

I can't go down that rabbit hole. I just can't. If so, I hope I find strength, I'm here in my bed, awake with these invasive thoughts. How my life could have been if I cut away those instead being nice. It destroyed me and tears me up. I hope for KARMA but seemingly bad and couldn't care types always win. See how my mind is. Any way anyone else fighting their mind, when is enough, really enough. I'm sure there are. My out will be tough but it's in place, when I say I'll do then I will even to my detriment. I'm hard on myself when all I've done was try to be kind and nice. I hate this life, hate it but I curse them when I do.

What do other do to stop these, what really works? Is there one or is it suicide to stop the hurt/pain and needing of peace?

Are you on therapy? If not you should be...
People also talk about hobbies and habits that can help a lot in the help sections in the forum.
Do you wanna talk about what hot you into this? Ic can be in private if you prefer. Talking usually helps a lot.
It's nice to see people trying to save themselves, trying to live... Hope things get better soon for you.
Anyway, if I can help you feel free to pm me!

 

[little helpers]

I want to understand a bit more what you specifically meant by "intrusive". cuz there's two ways I can interpret it: a) it's egodystonic, meaning you want to live, not die, and b) it doesn't seem to be a thought grounded in the here and now, you can't attribute it to something.

there was a thread a few days ago like "what put your mind off suicide" or something. if it is intrusive instead of wanted, I would say acknowledge your ideation exists, don't be too hard on yourself, and create a safety plan. a little bit of distraction also can help.

 

[plough22]

Are you on therapy? If not you should be...
People also talk about hobbies and habits that can help a lot in the help sections in the forum.
Do you wanna talk about what hot you into this? Ic can be in private if you prefer. Talking usually helps a lot.
It's nice to see people trying to save themselves, trying to live... Hope things get better soon for you.
Anyway, if I can help you feel free to pm me!

Not being in therapy for a while, thank you for your offer to listen, greatly appreciate. I'm not at my worst, the last few years I self harmed and tried to choke myself out, failed obviously but I'm not back there and unit. I work two important jobs, doing a course and dealing with my mind is a full time job. I'm here awake and overthinking is alive and well.
Thank you again, I may take up the off to chat. Best wishes

 

[plough22]

I want to understand a bit more what you specifically meant by "intrusive". cuz there's two ways I can interpret it: a) it's egodystonic, meaning you want to live, not die, and b) it doesn't seem to be a thought grounded in the here and now, you can't attribute it to something.

there was a thread a few days ago like "what put your mind off suicide" or something. if it is intrusive instead of wanted, I would say acknowledge your ideation exists, don't be too hard on yourself, and create a safety plan. a little bit of distraction also can help.

I can attribute to something someone, it brought me down a rabbit hole, I've SH and had neck ties around my neck, one was full but clamoured back, chicken hay but next time I have a place in work, no one will see other than emergency services. I even know what they will do re suicide. It's a sad world for people who just want peace in their mind

 

[mistvissione11e]

I've recently had what i think are extreme intrusive thoughts( just like i had a few years ago) where i am sitting down and suddenly i have the compulsive urge to scream obscenities and grab knives and stab myself, or im taking an exam and suddenly i feel that there is no need to keep sitting there and i feel the urge to walk out. Many times I have also had urges to strip naked in places and stop wearing clothes altogether for maybe a day, i have had urges to hurt other people too. I have always restrained myself but i am in such a dilemma because perhaps this a real manifestation of my belief that everything is meaningless. Social contracts, jobs, nakedness, death, how people perceive you, dignity, etc. all these things i begin to contemplate deeply and then it is like a switch is turned and there begins an uncontrollable feeling.

 

[little helpers]

I can attribute to something someone, it brought me down a rabbit hole, I've SH and had neck ties around my neck, one was full but clamoured back, chicken hay but next time I have a place in work, no one will see other than emergency services. I even know what they will do re suicide. It's a sad world for people who just want peace in their mind

I see. can I say you basically mean you got pushed into a bad place and is needing practical help with the situation (which emergency services rarely offer, if at all)? if you want to you can check out the recovery section, maybe post to describe what you're needing support with.

yeah. there's lyrics I really like that goes,"don't complicate my peace of mind". I feel you.

 

[plough22]

I've recently had what i think are extreme intrusive thoughts( just like i had a few years ago) where i am sitting down and suddenly i have the compulsive urge to scream obscenities and grab knives and stab myself, or im taking an exam and suddenly i feel that there is no need to keep sitting there and i feel the urge to walk out. Many times I have also had urges to strip naked in places and stop wearing clothes altogether for maybe a day, i have had urges to hurt other people too. I have always restrained myself but i am in such a dilemma because perhaps this a real manifestation of my belief that everything is meaningless. Social contracts, jobs, nakedness, death, how people perceive you, dignity, etc. all these things i begin to contemplate deeply and then it is like a switch is turned and there begins an uncontrollable feeling.

These can happen, I sometimes get thoughts to hurt myself, mad thoughts going extreme and weird but all they are is the mind playing with you. My mind could tell me I'm at fault for something that I was not involved, never in the country in and I'd question it over and over, maybe what happened to me in the past is massively affecting me, it still does and it's like a matrix feeling and it worry's me that I'm going mad, that I'll be under ward cause that will not happen,I'd rather hang and go through the pain fear but find peace.

Sometimes I feel the answer is yes that I am going mad. Mind is a fickle thing, unknown and strong to take you apart with intrusive thoughts. I just roll with them as my therapist said, think of another thing. I keep myself busy, is that a long thing that I can keel up, I don't know. Post I'd a bit of a ramble, mixed messed up just like me