Venting invalid?

[nothatvalid]

i feel invalid because i have no plans to kms but i still think about it. i have plans and dreams (some healthy like studying abroad, being multilingual, publishing books, being a mom and one specific that is entirely unhealthy which is a certain weight) but sometimes it feel worthless to do these things; yet, i still fight for it. but because i found reasons, i feel like the moments i contemplate ending it all is invalid. i think writing and killing my characters has helped it, yet i still remember and feel invalid because my 12 n 14 year old selves wanted it a lot, specially because i felt trapped. now, it's almost time for me to get out of home and be on my own. it decreased my will to kms, but i still think about it when I'm back to the darkness.
the main thing is: i have suicidal thoughts but because i will not act on them i feel invalid

 

[Snake of Eden]

Welcome to the community. You are just as valid as anyone who actively wants to kill themselves. There is nothing wrong with wanting to die, heck I would go as far as saying that there is something wrong with people who never desired to be dead even though I know it is a good thing yet it is a little bit unrealistic giving the crazy world we live in and all endless possibilities for things to go wrong. I hope you feel at home here

 

[nothatvalid]

tysm. i feel way better with people who aren't mentally stable i think because my whole damn teenagehood was based on me being unstable. i appreciate the idea and the community itself <3

 

[Intelligent_Panic99]

I hear you. I have things I want to do that go against killing myself (like publish my novel) so sometimes I don't want to die.

 

[nothatvalid]

I hear you. I have things I want to do that go against killing myself (like publish my novel) so sometimes I don't want to die.

idk why writing is so powerful to me, it literally is the thing that keeps me reasonably sane and functional but idk why it is so powerful

 

[Crazy4u]

You are absolutely valid. Life is hard and suicidal thoughts are common. I may not CTB this year and I know some members who won't CTB this year. That is ok. I wish you all the best

 

[FuneralCry]

It does not mean you are invalid. After all, it is your life and your decision. At least you have things like writing that make life more bearable. I wish you the best.