Intrusive thoughts of CBT to attract my ex's attention?

[romeinjuly]

I feel so ashamed for even thinking like that but sometimes I seriously fantasize about killing myself or even injuring myself so she will hypothetically feel a pinch of regret or even pity/tenderness/affection towards me? Like as a last resort to make her realize she actually cares for me deep down?

I am such a weak, cowardly, manipulative and pathetic human being. Without her, it's like there is no sun. I haven't known a second of joy since she left me.

I feel so guilty for hurting her. I hate myself for making her hate me. But at the same time I would pretty much do anything to get her affection back.

 

[uzuf86]

Threatening suicide in relationship is abuse. Don't be that abuser. Try to get your second chance without any drama

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I don't think it's very ethical to weaponize CTB.

 

[romeinjuly]

Threatening suicide in relationship is abuse. Don't be that abuser. Try to get your second chance without any drama

I wouldn't "threaten". I just mean that sometimes I fantasize about me dying or coming close to it just to know that she still cares about me. I would never actually tell her I was planning to do it or blame her.

 

[uzuf86]

I wouldn't "threaten". I just mean that sometimes I fantasize about me dying or coming close to it just to know that she still cares about me. I would never actually tell her I was planning to do it or blame her.

If you're going to ctb, 100% of the reasoning has to come from your own self. It is wrong to ctb as a means to get attention or to make others feel bad.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

If she doesn't understand suicide or why anyone would want to do it, all it will do is make you look more pathetic in her eyes, especially if it is not scripted properly. Believe me on this one, my friend. It will dig your hole with her even deeper.

 

[NeverGonnaEscape]

More likely they would just think less of you than they already do, given how CTB is demonized. You gotta wanna do this for yourself, because even if it affects other people, you're not going to be around to know.

 

[bipbapbop]

I think the people replying are well meaning but it doesn't seem to me like you are actually planning to do it. You also seem to be aware that its a terrible idea. Intrusive thoughts are intrusive for a reason. We know they are wrong but we can't control them showing up. For example, I just went to open a package with my boxcutter and started shaking because I was overwhelmed with the thought of plunging it into my chest. I didn't do it because I knew it was just an intrusive thought.

Just be very aware that these thoughts can exist without being something you actually believe.

 

[jellie]

what people are saying about threatening suicide is true. it is a shitty thing to do.

HOWEVER. i can completely relate to this feeling. not in the sense that i would actually threaten it to bring him back to me... but almost as a way to get him back for all the pain that he has put me through. it seems like you are in a similar situation. i often fantasize about if i were able to go to my funeral and what people might think of what i've chosen to do. i hope that my death would hurt some people.