Hey everybody I'm new around here. Not new to suicidal ideation but new to this site. Never made a genuine attempt, I've always figured if I didn't have everything completely thought out I would end up living and being worse off.
But sometimes that pull is too strong where I feel like I have to do something right that instant. A lot of times that just ends up being taking a bit too much drugs/alcohol and/or maybe some superficial self harm. Also sometimes I try to test myself and see how far I'll go.
Like today at work I had a strong urge to hang myself in the park. Or at least tie a noose and try it on for a bit. So I grabbed an extension chord from the storage room and drove off down the road. My mom texted me out of the blue and so I pulled off and talked to her for a bit. I said I wasn't doing so good, things are getting bad again. She says maybe I should talk to someone. Ok yeah maybe ur right I said.
I've had some bad experiences calling the suicide prevention line where they end up sending the police to find me and take me to the hospital but I've also had some good conversations with a few of the crisis councilors, specifically Bill from DC. If you're out there Bill, I hope ur having a good day.
I thought I was being clever by calling *67 to mask my number but I guess that didn't work because they figure me out anyway. Anyway I talked for a bit and told them what was going on and hung up after I felt like the conversation wasn't going anywhere anymore. Texted my mom a bit more and eventually decided to try and go back to work and just get through the day.
So I go back to work and I'm there for maybe 20 minutes when 3 cops show up. I honestly don't know how they know where I work but I guess it's probably not that hard to find out.
They put me in the squad car and we go to the hospital, no handcuffs thankfully. It's funny too, after the cops left, the staff took their eyes off me for a second and I made a run for it. Got all the way too the door before they caught me. I really just needed a cigarette I tell em. Thankfully everybody stayed calm and i didn't get sedated or restrained.
Just waiting in the er now hoping maybe I can talk them into letting me go today but that seems maybe unlikely considering. They let me keep my phone at least for now. At least there's jello
Hope yer all doin well <3
But sometimes that pull is too strong where I feel like I have to do something right that instant. A lot of times that just ends up being taking a bit too much drugs/alcohol and/or maybe some superficial self harm. Also sometimes I try to test myself and see how far I'll go.
Like today at work I had a strong urge to hang myself in the park. Or at least tie a noose and try it on for a bit. So I grabbed an extension chord from the storage room and drove off down the road. My mom texted me out of the blue and so I pulled off and talked to her for a bit. I said I wasn't doing so good, things are getting bad again. She says maybe I should talk to someone. Ok yeah maybe ur right I said.
I've had some bad experiences calling the suicide prevention line where they end up sending the police to find me and take me to the hospital but I've also had some good conversations with a few of the crisis councilors, specifically Bill from DC. If you're out there Bill, I hope ur having a good day.
I thought I was being clever by calling *67 to mask my number but I guess that didn't work because they figure me out anyway. Anyway I talked for a bit and told them what was going on and hung up after I felt like the conversation wasn't going anywhere anymore. Texted my mom a bit more and eventually decided to try and go back to work and just get through the day.
So I go back to work and I'm there for maybe 20 minutes when 3 cops show up. I honestly don't know how they know where I work but I guess it's probably not that hard to find out.
They put me in the squad car and we go to the hospital, no handcuffs thankfully. It's funny too, after the cops left, the staff took their eyes off me for a second and I made a run for it. Got all the way too the door before they caught me. I really just needed a cigarette I tell em. Thankfully everybody stayed calm and i didn't get sedated or restrained.
Just waiting in the er now hoping maybe I can talk them into letting me go today but that seems maybe unlikely considering. They let me keep my phone at least for now. At least there's jello
Hope yer all doin well <3
