Introduce yourself

[limone]

I hope you find peace and a end to your suffering .

Thank you for your support. I hope to go peacefully.

 

[marcusuk63]

Good luck and hope your plan goes well

 

[limone]

Good luck and hope your plan goes well

I think I've managed to overcome stress and survival instinct and it will be done in upcoming days

 

[Pickles79]

Hello everyone. Not been here long mostly just observing. Im 40/F in the US. I've thought about suicide for the last 20 years off and on. Tried 3 times. Been hospitalized about 5 times. Did ECT. Got diagnosed with MDD in 2017 so on meds for that. Stopped ECT because of losing too many memories. I'm intrigued by the Partners thread but too afraid to post yet. Can't DM yet either. Anyways this is an amazing place to be able to talk about things that if I talked about with my family would end up hospitalized. Thanks for listening and I wish you all peace. Whether living or dying.

 

[Jodes]

Hello, I am a really cool guy on the internet. After going through a hard day of doing nothing and being exhausted, I love to do one of my favorite activities and that is attention whoring on the internet to get sympathy from strangers. After that I like to go to bed and wonder why I don't just use the rope to end it all.

I would laugh to that, but I know that seriously depressed feeling you're getting at, and I know what it's like to laugh at the sort of thing you said thinking it was humourous, personally I get angry and then regret it because I know they only meant well. Then really want to kill myself.

Hi Jodes

It's not going to get better and I know this. I found out last night my dad has a few months left Everything keeps getting harder and i don't know how to cope

That's terrible, do you talk to anyone else IRL?

Hello everyone. Not been here long mostly just observing. Im 40/F in the US. I've thought about suicide for the last 20 years off and on. Tried 3 times. Been hospitalized about 5 times. Did ECT. Got diagnosed with MDD in 2017 so on meds for that. Stopped ECT because of losing too many memories. I'm intrigued by the Partners thread but too afraid to post yet. Can't DM yet either. Anyways this is an amazing place to be able to talk about things that if I talked about with my family would end up hospitalized. Thanks for listening and I wish you all peace. Whether living or dying. ❤

I'm so glad you're excited to be able to talk here, welcome and "Sorry You're Here"! The losing memories sounds terrifying. I almost did it but realised there were a couple of things I absolutely didn't want to forget, so here we are. I hospitalised myself 5 times too as it happens. Too many meds, giving up but hanging on. I hope you hang on too but I "get" the other side of it too. Peace to you ❤

 

[marcusuk63]

Probably but I've never seen it referenced as the latter until now and I've been on SS for like 5 years lol.

I think to Catch The Bus is a quite an old metaphor for suicide as this book is from 1973

 

[valentine]

Hi everyone, I'm valentine, 19F (almost 20!) from the PNW.

I'm severely mentally ill and I don't believe it's possible for me to recover. I've been through a lot of trauma, hospitalizations, and suicide attempts. It's nearly impossible for me to hold down a job which is one of my main reasons for wanting to ctb.

Not sure if I'm ready to ctb yet, I don't want to hurt my mom. It's really comforting to know I have a way out if i need it, though. I'll probably end up using SN to end things.

Thanks for reading :)

 

[Jodes]

Hi everyone, I'm valentine, 19F (almost 20!) from the PNW.

I'm severely mentally ill and I don't believe it's possible for me to recover. I've been through a lot of trauma, hospitalizations, and suicide attempts. It's nearly impossible for me to hold down a job which is one of my main reasons for wanting to ctb.

Not sure if I'm ready to ctb yet, I don't want to hurt my mom. It's really comforting to know I have a way out if i need it, though. I'll probably end up using SN to end things.

Thanks for reading :)

Welcome, "sorry you're here", I really hope you choose not to!! I hope you'll find being here can also help change your mind without arseholes like me butting in too much. I hope you decide not to ctb but it's good to have you post here, thank you.

 

[maraexhausted]

Hello, my name is Mara. I'm 20 years old and live in Brazil. I lost all my hopeness in the life, i don't know what is happening, in my opinion i'll never be really happy and the life doesn't worth it. The difficult moments are always bigger and intense than the happy moments. I don't wanna be here anymore. I'm happy to find this site were i can talk with people who understend me.

 

[Jodes]

Hello, my name is Mara. I'm 20 years old and live in Brazil. I lost all my hopeness in the life, i don't know what is happening, in my opinion i'll never be really happy and the life doesn't worth it. The difficult moments are always bigger and intense than the happy moments. I don't wanna be here anymore. I'm happy to find this site were i can talk with people who understend me.

Hi and welcome, I'm glad you found this site too, I have found it's the place I can be most open and be understood too. Some of what you said I used to believe and the rest I do now! It's all depression and it's all horrible, so I really feel for you. But there are always people who do recover and get better. Either way, all opinions are respected here I think more than anywhere, maybe simply because we hate the annoying phrases like every cloud has a silver lining lol. Welcome, and sorry you're here

 

[Jum]

Hi, I'm Jum, 28M USA. I found this site a while back, lurked for a bit and tried life again. Stumbled back here and decided to register and get a bit more serious about the bus. To be honest, I'm a bit nervous about talking to folks about relevant topics. I've been hospitalized before and my family is very ignorant and very hawkish about these things and went as far as to compromise my social media accounts through (formerly) close friends. I can no longer take the cycle of inspiration > productivity > loss of motivation > drugs > inspiration. Local mental health services seem more interested in what I can pay than my wellness, so I have given up on that. Hoping to get some advice and maybe help someone else in the time I'm here.

 

[coileanbeag]

Hi, my name is coilean and I'm a female from Ireland. Ever since I was 9, the thought of ctb has been on my mind whether passively or actively. I am exhausting all alternative resources to see if I can recover from my depression, cripplingly low self-esteem and suicidal ideation before I attempt again though. Either way I'm looking forward to spending time on this forum and talking to y'all. Thanks for reading!

 

[maraexhausted]

Hi and welcome, I'm glad you found this site too, I have found it's the place I can be most open and be understood too. Some of what you said I used to believe and the rest I do now! It's all depression and it's all horrible, so I really feel for you. But there are always people who do recover and get better. Either way, all opinions are respected here I think more than anywhere, maybe simply because we hate the annoying phrases like every cloud has a silver lining lol. Welcome, and sorry you're here

Thanks for answer me. I really believe that some people are able to get better of the depression, but its hurt a lot, and in my case its always get back again. So i think the life is a circle of sadness where the difficult is bigger than the happiness, and this doesn't worth it.

 

[CoolGuy9]

Hi, my name is coilean and I'm a female from Ireland. Ever since I was 9, the thought of ctb has been on my mind whether passively or actively. I am exhausting all alternative resources to see if I can recover from my depression, cripplingly low self-esteem and suicidal ideation before I attempt again though. Either way I'm looking forward to spending time on this forum and talking to y'all. Thanks for reading!

Been suicidal since you were 9? Damn. Sounds rough. Hopefully you get better.

 

[Jodes]

Thanks for answer me. I really believe that some people are able to get better of the depression, but its hurt a lot, and in my case its always get back again. So i think the life is a circle of sadness where the difficult is bigger than the happiness, and this doesn't worth it.

no problem, you're welome. well, I still hope you'll find good reasons to stay. the cycles at their worst might make everything seem overall just not worth it, but in the other times there are reasons to stay. It's difficult because it doesn't seem logical any way you look at it.

 

[bluesleep]

I'm Pepe, I'm 31 years old, I've wanted to kill myself for the last 2 years. I've tried and failed. I just want peace. Why is it so hard to CTB?

 

[coileanbeag]

Been suicidal since you were 9? Damn. Sounds rough. Hopefully you get better.

Thanks for replying. I guess more I was more beginning to think of the relief it could bring to me and others and little less of actually ctb,

 

[Alchemist]

Hi. I'm a 32 years old male and a general failure at life hoping to one day to be able to ctb, or considering how my country, someone to ctb me. I want to say more, but I need to collect my ideas. Yet I wanted to say hi at least.

 

[Davy]

Hi. My name is Davy and a few days ago I failed a suicide using the CO method and the cops found me. They put me in a psych ward and now I am out. My parents and other people are monitoring me now so I am trying to be discrete in my methods.
If you see this I hope you have a wonderful day!

 

[r0_]

hi. 47, the netherlands. perpetually depressed, failed relationship of 8 years, severe alcohol addiction, lost my parents and my house. two failed attempts (72 oxazepams + booze wont kill you) and a short stay at a psych ward later im still here. want to do it properly now, looking at CO and H2S mostly. this place seems nice.

 

[Zer0]

Hi, i'm Zer0, from brazil, my friends could say a few dozens mental issues i have but i will deny every single one till the end. My coping mechanisms ara alcohol, execessive masturbation, sometimes self harm and doing jokes about myself so others can laugh.
I'm a failure at college, i fuck every chance of a relationship with people i like, i am obsessed with sex even if i've never done it and if things go like this i never will.
I'm the pride of my family because i'm the oldest of my generation and i got into college ( pure luck ) and if they knew the real me everything would change for worse.
I have no expectations in life so i'm just going with the flow. I'm very submissive, never stand up fpr myself, my beliefs or the things i want. I often kill the vibes of the people around with my negativity and that makes me want to live all alone without talking to anyone ever again.
I was described as toxic by my best friend ( he is the person i trust the most so that was a kick in the balls ), he also says i have depression, anxiety, ADHD and other things, sometimes i feel like he have pity of me and i hate that.
There is a girl i like ( there is always a girl ) but when we tried to date i was too coward to take initiative so she dumped but i still like her and she text me because she saw some of my problems and she probably have pity of me too.
I'm only shure of 2 things in my life, it always can get worse, i will kill myself someday. Also she try to take me to psychiatrists but i will never contribute to someone who gets paid to keep people sick.

And that is the introduction i never gave to anyone and never will.

 

[hegesias]

Hi. I believe this world is a bad place created by an evil demiurge resentful because he was abandoned by his mother Sophia. I believe suicide is the escape from this evil world. I also believe not having children is an act of rebellion against the demiurge.

 

[Kyrok]

Hi. I believe this world is a bad place created by an evil demiurge resentful because he was abandoned by his mother Sophia. I believe suicide is the escape from this evil world. I also believe not having children is an act of rebellion against the demiurge.

OK, but who controls the afterlife? Maybe it is evil demiurges all the way down.

 

[limelight]

Hello.
I'm a 22 y/o girl.
I like ganja, spring rolls, rap-music and my dog.

Guess I'll always hate my self.

 

[marcusuk63]

Hello.
I'm a 22 y/o girl.
I like ganja, spring rolls, rap-music and my dog.

Guess I'll always hate my self.

Your dog will always love you no matter what

 

[limelight]

Your dog will always love you no matter what

I know, and he will always be my main reason to get out of bed <3

 

[HappyEnding]

Hey, I'm a 25 year old female who loves volunteering at cat shelters, exercising, and reading manga. And yeah, that's it. Hurrah for being boring! Hurraaaahhh!!!!

 

[Alchemist]

Hey, I'm a 25 year old female who loves volunteering at cat shelters, exercising, and reading manga. And yeah, that's it. Hurrah for being boring! Hurraaaahhh!!!!

Welcome.

And there's nothing boring about manga. Must be nice to be able to exercise too.

 

[hegesias]

OK, but who controls the afterlife? Maybe it is evil demiurges all the way down.

Suicide is moksha. You became one with the universe and the demiurge can't touch you.

 

[martha]

Ctb can stand for both catch the bus and cease to breathe.

what about close the book or cross the bridge