Intro and help possibly

[All_is_in_vanity]

Hello, I'm 18 years old and as you can tell, looking do a way out. I guess I should explain myself and why I'm even in here. Somewhere around 2 years ago I the philosophy antintalism. Like any other normal optimist, this destroyed my world view and led me yo the discovery of efilism and promortalism. Ever since then, I've lost all hope in this world, and even done extremely unhealthy things that cost me my own sanity and even some valuable relationships. As I stand now, I'm a toxic asshole who just screams at Peyton the internet.

As I've been in this head space I've relized just how evil this life is, how horrid people came become. I wanted to bring world peace as. Kid and was kind tho every one now I hate just about every human that I see. I whole heartedly believe that life, no l, the universe was created by some sadistic god, and spending time on certain anti life subreddits has only proven the suspicion. It even led me to grow an unhealthy obsession and led to major harassing by me( I'm past that now tho as I finally grew the frick up). Either way in the end I'm done. Just heard recently my best friend tried to ctb and failed. The should be evident enough that I must die. I never wanted it to come to this, I wanted to live for a while, but with the way the worlds going, riisng
Pessimism, he'll even the fact that this forum exists, has convinced me death must come asap. I feel bad for my mother, I truly, truly do love her, but this world is far to hellish to stay and I don't want to walk among humanity anymore. I want to die before the world loses all hope, and if I don't, guess I'll watch the world burn, I'm not saving this planet. Maybe this is hell, maybe I deserve all this. I don't care anymore, just want to die and be forgotten. Can y'all suggest some methods? I can't get much cause I'm still with my mom( I'm still in high school and have a busy schedule so I don't actually have time for a job and plus my mom said even tho I'm 18, I can stay till I can get in my feet). So yea I need something I can get without getting caught as I refuse to go back to one of Those hell chambers they call mental hospitals. The worst 4 days I've ever experienced. I need a method that ensures death, at least just to have one so even if I do decide to stick around, I can be free when it gets to much.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I'm sorry that you've been struggling.

I can understand why those philosophies had the impact on you that they did. It's important to remember that those are just flavors of philosophy like any other and subject to rebuttals just the same. People who tout them as the Truth™ usually have their lens clouded by personal experience. Which is something we are all susceptible to but it's important to be aware of it. They aren't necessarily sound either. Look at efilism. Anyone who sincerely believes extinction is the best solution to humanity's problems isn't really being rational.

Martyring yourself isn't going to lessen the sorrows of the world.

Just heard recently my best friend tried to ctb and failed. The should be evident enough that I must die.

Can you explain a little more about how you drew this conclusion?

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that with suicide methods all that anyone can do really is to do their own research to decide what is best for themselves. But in this world suicide is so unnecessarily difficult and there is no real straightforward way and it sounds especially hard being trapped in that situation where you have to worry about potentially being caught. A lot of methods involve complications and risks and I think that if it's much easier to leave this world I would certainly already be gone. But I so hate this society that makes it so we have to suffer so much in finding ways to die, when suicide is this difficult then existence is certainly prison like.

But certainly those philosophies on life do make a lot of sense as they are all centred around the reduction of suffering and they emphasise the harsh and cruel reality of existing. There is something so incredibly disturbing about the existence of life and of course it would had been better off if life never existed at all, that would be perfection.
I hope that when the time is right for you to leave this world, you eventually find the freedom that you wish for.

 

[All_is_in_vanity]

I'm sorry that you've been struggling.

I can understand why those philosophies had the impact on you that they did. It's important to remember that those are just flavors of philosophy like any other and subject to rebuttals just the same. People who tout them as the Truth™ usually have their lens clouded by personal experience. Which is something we are all susceptible to but it's important to be aware of it. They aren't necessarily sound either. Look at efilism. Anyone who sincerely believes extinction is the best solution to humanity's problems isn't really being rational.

Martyring yourself isn't going to lessen the sorrows of the world.


Can you explain a little more about how you drew this conclusion?

If my best friend who's been with me for years tried to die, then it must be the most logical choice.

I think that with suicide methods all that anyone can do really is to do their own research to decide what is best for themselves. But in this world suicide is so unnecessarily difficult and there is no real straightforward way and it sounds especially hard being trapped in that situation where you have to worry about potentially being caught. A lot of methods involve complications and risks and I think that if it's much easier to leave this world I would certainly already be gone. But I so hate this society that makes it so we have to suffer so much in finding ways to die, when suicide is this difficult then existence is certainly prison like.

But certainly those philosophies on life do make a lot of sense as they are all centred around the reduction of suffering and they emphasise the harsh and cruel reality of existing. There is something so incredibly disturbing about the existence of life and of course it would had been better off if life never existed at all, that would be perfection.
I hope that when the time is right for you to leave this world, you eventually find the freedom that you wish for.

I don't even have an issues with the philosophies they've put so many so many ideas of evil gods and sadistic beings in my head that it's kinda driving me over the edge

 

[MelancholyMagic]

Anyone who sincerely believes extinction is the best solution to humanity's problems isn't really being rational.

Do you mean this on a practical level, as in it is impossible? Or do you mean that even if it were possible, it would not be rational to pursue?

discovery of efilism and promortalism

Gary generally advises against suicide. You may be interested in this video:

The main point is that you should live insofar as you can support efilist causes (namely, getting more people to see the force of the arguments).

 

[SeenMoreThanEnough]

Hello, I'm 18 years old and as you can tell, looking do a way out. I guess I should explain myself and why I'm even in here. Somewhere around 2 years ago I the philosophy antintalism. Like any other normal optimist, this destroyed my world view and led me yo the discovery of efilism and promortalism. Ever since then, I've lost all hope in this world, and even done extremely unhealthy things that cost me my own sanity and even some valuable relationships. As I stand now, I'm a toxic asshole who just screams at Peyton the internet.

As I've been in this head space I've relized just how evil this life is, how horrid people came become. I wanted to bring world peace as. Kid and was kind tho every one now I hate just about every human that I see. I whole heartedly believe that life, no l, the universe was created by some sadistic god, and spending time on certain anti life subreddits has only proven the suspicion. It even led me to grow an unhealthy obsession and led to major harassing by me( I'm past that now tho as I finally grew the frick up). Either way in the end I'm done. Just heard recently my best friend tried to ctb and failed. The should be evident enough that I must die. I never wanted it to come to this, I wanted to live for a while, but with the way the worlds going, riisng
Pessimism, he'll even the fact that this forum exists, has convinced me death must come asap. I feel bad for my mother, I truly, truly do love her, but this world is far to hellish to stay and I don't want to walk among humanity anymore. I want to die before the world loses all hope, and if I don't, guess I'll watch the world burn, I'm not saving this planet. Maybe this is hell, maybe I deserve all this. I don't care anymore, just want to die and be forgotten. Can y'all suggest some methods? I can't get much cause I'm still with my mom( I'm still in high school and have a busy schedule so I don't actually have time for a job and plus my mom said even tho I'm 18, I can stay till I can get in my feet). So yea I need something I can get without getting caught as I refuse to go back to one of Those hell chambers they call mental hospitals. The worst 4 days I've ever experienced. I need a method that ensures death, at least just to have one so even if I do decide to stick around, I can be free when it gets to much.

i read your post fully, and although some may not like it, i'm going to tell you that #1: you're 18. #2: you have a lot of self-discovery and development left to do before you make such a serious decision. you aren't anywhere near ready to die, IMO.

 

[All_is_in_vanity]

I

I think that with suicide methods all that anyone can do really is to do their own research to decide what is best for themselves. But in this world suicide is so unnecessarily difficult and there is no real straightforward way and it sounds especially hard being trapped in that situation where you have to worry about potentially being caught. A lot of methods involve complications and risks and I think that if it's much easier to leave this world I would certainly already be gone. But I so hate this society that makes it so we have to suffer so much in finding ways to die, when suicide is this difficult then existence is certainly prison like.

But certainly those philosophies on life do make a lot of sense as they are all centred around the reduction of suffering and they emphasise the harsh and cruel reality of existing. There is something so incredibly disturbing about the existence of life and of course it would had been better off if life never existed at all, that would be perfection.
I hope that when the time is right for you to leave this world, you eventually find the freedom that you wish for.

m mostly concerned if we are some play things for an evil power

Do you mean this on a practical level, as in it is impossible? Or do you mean that even if it were possible, it would not be rational to pursue?

Gary generally advises against suicide. You may be interested in this video:

The main point is that you should live insofar as you can support efilist causes (namely, getting more people to see the force of the arguments).

But what if god exists, then what's the point

 

[MelancholyMagic]

But what if god exists, then what's the point

Do you think God exists? If you did (assuming it is the Christian God), suicide would be foolish. 80 years of suffering is preferable to an eternity.