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S

ScaredToLive

Student
Feb 2, 2020
126
So I was pretty happy until about 25 where I had a break down. I had a lot of friends, been to a lot of places, did well with women, then it all fell apart for me and I've been suicidal since (I'm 36).

Was anyone else ever happy?
 
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4eyebiped

4eyebiped

Mage
Dec 28, 2019
567
I don't remember much of my life, but what little I remember of my childhood I believe was normal. It is about the age my hormones kicked in that things begin to rapidly go down hill. So for about 30 or so years I have been a grumpy miserable old bastard (I'm 46).
 
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bed

bed

CTBed
Aug 24, 2019
919
i've had moments of happiness, but overall since i was a teenager, i haven't really been happy for extended periods of time.
I'm 26.
 
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dss262

dss262

Member
Nov 23, 2021
74
I've always struggled with a few demons so things have been better, but I wouldn't say I was happy. 2 months ago I broke up with my ex and he still lives here. I had no idea that short relationship would break me like this.
 
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vinie

vinie

Nauseous as hell
Nov 28, 2021
41
Maybe when I was a child. Though I was plagued by some heavy PTSD, I had a very optimistic feeling about my future. Once I matured enough and all my suppressed memories came forth, that feeling died down.

May everyone find peace within <3
 
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Rayzieka

Rayzieka

Not Really Here
Apr 28, 2021
637
I don't think I was ever actually happy.
I think I just found things I liked and did anything to keep them because I thought they were giving me happiness, but I think they were just providing any sense of safety or made me feel like a person.
 
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Darkover

Darkover

Archangel
Jul 29, 2021
5,568
i was happy up into 18 your luck compared to me, my whole world came crashing down at 18 i descend into hell extreme mental illness my life ended then
at 18 i lost my one only love and my son
at 18 i went through drug induced psychosis and schizophrenia
at 18 went to jail for something i didnt do at all, all with a few months of each other
plus i had a borken shoulder at 18 that dislocates never got any treatment for it
at 18 i had 22 cavities in my teeth because my parents never took me to the dentist
i never recovered my health as just been declining ever since not had any sex for 17 years
why because i don't want to bring another child into this horrible life.
life just bring people alive to live out their misery then amkes them nothing forever it's basicly evil
 
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Dreamlike Reality

Dreamlike Reality

Bedhead 💤
Nov 29, 2021
74
I don't remember being truly happy . . . I was abused throughout my childhood, and that led to where I am now. I guess I'm similar to Rayzieka above in the manner that I found/find things that draw me into the illusion of happiness, but it's always temporary.
 
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_Minsk

_Minsk

death: the cure for life
Dec 9, 2019
1,142
childhood was hard for me but still enjoyable, had a gf, food, enough money.. but at some point my health got worse during puberty and from there on it went out of control very quickly..^^
i also lived a illusion bubble during my childhood, everything seemed nice in there but reality popped it at some point
 
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LeGuitarist

LeGuitarist

Eternally Lost
Mar 19, 2021
108
I've had moments of happiness before, but overall life has never been for me. Depression runs in my family so it's not exactly surprising.
 
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R

redwaymilk

Member
Nov 28, 2021
32
28 and was very recently so happy. Now, I just live waiting for my life to fully fall apart to commit to N.
 
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alwaysdopesick

alwaysdopesick

Member
Oct 19, 2021
61
I used to be happy and not extroverted but introverted in a way that attracted people. I had kinda a shitty friend group but had to deal with it to support my addiction. I did well with women, but was never in a serious relationship. I didn't do shit after high school because of mental health issues in the early stages. Now I'm a complete loser with no real friends, have been considering ctb for years, just scared to do it tbh.
 
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meetapple

meetapple

Mage
Jun 3, 2021
585
I think I was happy. But I didn't live my life fully. The wheels were set in motion for much later. I didn't integrate myself socially and I continue to feel the effects of that.
 
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porhtna

porhtna

bad rng.
Dec 1, 2021
43
Can't really define "happy". My brain is just stale most of the time for some reason.
 
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demuic

demuic

Life was a mistake
Sep 12, 2020
1,383
I was not particularly happy, but I didn't discover feelings of despair until around puberty. There were always bad things, but as a child sometimes you're able to ignore those things or you're not as aware of them, and you can get amusement out of things relatively easily.
 
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S

sanguineblade

Member
Jul 3, 2021
86
Super happy!! until health problems - accidents - disabilities - chronic terrible pain began
The old me was happy af even that difficulties came to me
 
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Fadeawaaaay

Fadeawaaaay

Visionary
Nov 12, 2021
2,160
I was relatively happy until six months ago… Although depression was always lurking beneath the surface… Repressed by antidepressants
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
43,267
I do not believe there is such a thing as true happiness. I think that human beings are never satisfied, what they have is never enough. For me, I do not know what it is like to enjoy life. I have never wanted to be alive. Even from a young age I found death to be comforting. It has never felt right me being alive. I am not meant for this world, I belong in the nothingness.
 
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M

mojabaka

Student
Apr 20, 2022
100
Relatively happy before getting disabled by the covid "vaccine". I had my fair share of shit moments in live, but was always healthy, always had enough to eat, a roof over my head, landed a good and stable job a few yers ago. Now I have nothing left except for the roof over my head and the food. But I'm basically disabled, have no money left, can't work anymore and nothing brings me joy. Everything was ruined by one bad decision and I don't get a second chance :(
 
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S

SuicidallyCurious

Enlightened
Dec 20, 2020
1,715
Happiness was fleeting

Comes and goes

Will CTB to avoid pain of old age and ultimate lack of meaning in life - no use spending more time as world slowly turns into more of a rubbish heap
 
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A

Angi

Specialist
Jan 4, 2022
305
I used to be happy, in fact I was perceived as a particularily cheerful person. Repression and coping mechanisms used to go a long way, right until they stopped.
 
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Dr Iron Arc

Dr Iron Arc

Into the Unknown
Feb 10, 2020
21,391
In the words of the lyrics from the theme song of a certain silver-colored spiky mammal: Happiness lies trapped in misery. The hedonic treadmill mandates that the highest highs only feel that much higher when compared to the lowest lows. Unfortunately sometimes these lows are just so unbearable that the highs are no longer worth it or they flat out just become fully unattainable.

So yes I've been happy for moments all throughout my life, even very recently. Unfortunately if you look at my life overall it's still a blatantly pathetic existence that ultimately generates more suffering than it can alleviate. This isn't true for everyone though.
 
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Fadeawaaaay

Fadeawaaaay

Visionary
Nov 12, 2021
2,160
I kept myself busy and distracted. Never felt deep contentment. Darkness was always lurking. But I keep hope kindled. Was committed to living fully as best I could. Until delusions caught up to me and the flame went out entirely.
 
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rationaltake

rationaltake

I'm rocking it - in another universe
Sep 28, 2021
2,707
I kept myself busy and distracted. Never felt deep contentment. Darkness was always lurking. But I keep hope kindled. Was committed to living fully as best I could. Until delusions caught up to me and the flame went out entirely.
I get it.
 
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Capsaicin78

Capsaicin78

Full time failure
May 4, 2022
238
I was never happy tbh. Just for short amounts of time. Wasted my whole life browsing the internet without an actual purpose
 
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NobodyKnowsMe

NobodyKnowsMe

Just biding my time
Dec 21, 2021
582
I'm almost 60 and in all that time, I think I have had a few fleeting moments of contentment, but I'm not sure I've ever experienced real happiness.
 
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J

Journeytoletgo

Broken and hated 7-14 years long overdue
May 14, 2018
1,608
I was depressed since 14, but I was a lot more social although anxious I died again at 23 after an abuser, and used by another man I regret. I dropped out of uni and have no financial or social existence. Too much sexual trauma. Underlying depression that was repressed by antidepressants
 
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WorthlessTrash

WorthlessTrash

Worthless
Apr 19, 2022
2,431
Nope. I just used my hobbies and romantic relationships to distract me from my troubles. Now the former does not work and i have no reason to persue the latter since i plan to be gone soon.
 
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TheBroken

TheBroken

What Really Matters Anymore?
Feb 13, 2022
241
Never.
 
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Reactions: NobodyKnowsMe

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