Venting Inhibited when talking to people

[sadsoul]

For some reason whenever I am in a social situation (around people other than my parents) it's like a switch is being turned and I'm suddenly really inhibited and lose all of my personality. My mind goes blank and I don't know what to say. I get really self-conscious and I just can't be myself. People think I'm weird, cold and boring or they just assume that I'm a really introverted person. I'm so uncomfortable with who I am, I don't know why I act like this in social situations. I think it might be because I don't want to say anything wrong or stupid, maybe I'm afraid of being judged? That might be it. I thought maybe I have social anxiety but I'm not sure. I've been like this basically since my childhood and while being anxious is an issue, the main issue is that I'm so inhibited that I can't be myself. Maybe I just suppressed the anxiety. I have really low self-esteem and always feel inadequate/like I don't fit in. This low self-esteem and my self-hate probably contribute to me being inhibited and too afraid to show my personality. What drives me crazy is that deep down I know that probably no one would laugh at me if I started being myself, but the inhibition still doesn't go away. I've also thought that maybe I'm just shy, but I feel like my situation is more extreme than just shyness.

I wonder if I could make friends if I weren't so inhibited and maybe I could even find some happiness. I've been alone for so many years now and the loneliness is killing me. I wish I could be myself and let people close to me. But then again I'm probably too depressed to maintain a meaningful friendship. I would just distance myself because I feel like I'm not good enough. Like I deserve to be alone because I'm a complete loser. And even if that didn't happen I would probably lose interest in the friendship and everything would seem pointless and be too exhausting. I would be a terrible friend.

Why can't I just be normal and enjoy my life...:( I didn't ask for this bullshit. Ugh.

 

[TheFinalCountdown]

I too become very inhibited around strangers and groups of people. It's gotten worse as I've got older too. Even around friends I'm struggle to joke and banter.

The worst thing is when I'm alone with someone and my mind goes blank and I can't think what to say even though I normally have a hundred things on my mind. It's like there's a part of me that's locked up when I'm around other people

 

[Iman]

I totally can relate. From my perspective it seems like you still have some hope/chance to change.
I don't really have any good advice, but maybe hearing a bit of my story helps somehow.

This inhibition has followed me pretty much my whole life.
When I was younger I managed to somewhat open up to others, after some time of being around them.
I didn't have any problem talking to my family as a kid.
But nowadays I literally can't open up to anyone, not even my family.
Always trying to find the right words. Trying to say what I THINK, that they want to hear.
Even if I drink alcohol to the verge of passing out, I always put a filter on everything I say.
I always hold back what I want to say or what is on my mind, because of what feels like a billion different reasons.
People usually said to me "Don't be afraid". Then my mind just goes" I don't really want to talk" or " It's not necessary to say that".
This inhibition doesn't always feel like fear. But something that constantly evolves. Always creating new excuses and reasons to not say something.
Sometimes my mind is just completely blank and only after I am out of the situation, come a bunch of things that I could have said, to mind.

What I learned, is that people usually react better to people that speak their mind.
This doesn't mean they will be happy to hear this or that. But at least they know what's up.
The thing that lead to a lot of misunderstanding for me, were those constant mind games.
They probably think this or that. So I should probably say or do this or that.

I said you still have hope, but I don't really know much about you.
But I know, that I went the wrong direction.
The path of indifference and apathy.
Because of that I am emotionally detached from everyone.

 

[littlelady774]

For some reason whenever I am in a social situation (around people other than my parents) it's like a switch is being turned and I'm suddenly really inhibited and lose all of my personality. My mind goes blank and I don't know what to say. I get really self-conscious and I just can't be myself. People think I'm weird, cold and boring or they just assume that I'm a really introverted person. I'm so uncomfortable with who I am, I don't know why I act like this in social situations. I think it might be because I don't want to say anything wrong or stupid, maybe I'm afraid of being judged? That might be it. I thought maybe I have social anxiety but I'm not sure. I've been like this basically since my childhood and while being anxious is an issue, the main issue is that I'm so inhibited that I can't be myself. Maybe I just suppressed the anxiety. I have really low self-esteem and always feel inadequate/like I don't fit in. This low self-esteem and my self-hate probably contribute to me being inhibited and too afraid to show my personality. What drives me crazy is that deep down I know that probably no one would laugh at me if I started being myself, but the inhibition still doesn't go away. I've also thought that maybe I'm just shy, but I feel like my situation is more extreme than just shyness.

I wonder if I could make friends if I weren't so inhibited and maybe I could even find some happiness. I've been alone for so many years now and the loneliness is killing me. I wish I could be myself and let people close to me. But then again I'm probably too depressed to maintain a meaningful friendship. I would just distance myself because I feel like I'm not good enough. Like I deserve to be alone because I'm a complete loser. And even if that didn't happen I would probably lose interest in the friendship and everything would seem pointless and be too exhausting. I would be a terrible friend.

Why can't I just be normal and enjoy my life...:( I didn't ask for this bullshit. Ugh.

@sadsoul, it's like you've read my mind!!
I've been having so much trouble with this lately. I try to speak, but it's like my confidence is completely shut off and all that comes out is a quiet utter.

What's worse is the recent intrusive thoughts I've been having. Like "I'm so stupid. Nobody wants to talk to me. Nobody wants to be around me. People think I'm weird."
I feel like my professor is ignoring me because I've disappointed him somehow or he gets the impression that I don't like him because I don't say much.
Constantly nervous in class or in front of my professor for fear of saying something stupid... so then I don't say anything and keep my head down. Then I worry people think I'm grumpy or uptight...
Never ends. :(

 

[sadsoul]

@sadsoul, it's like you've read my mind!!
I've been having so much trouble with this lately. I try to speak, but it's like my confidence is completely shut off and all that comes out is a quiet utter.

What's worse is the recent intrusive thoughts I've been having. Like "I'm so stupid. Nobody wants to talk to me. Nobody wants to be around me. People think I'm weird."
I feel like my professor is ignoring me because I've disappointed him somehow or he gets the impression that I don't like him because I don't say much.
Constantly nervous in class or in front of my professor for fear of saying something stupid... so then I don't say anything and keep my head down. Then I worry people think I'm grumpy or uptight...
Never ends. :(

Sorry I'm responding so late. I can relate to those intrusive thoughts, I guess for me they're not really intrusive but I definitely have them.
I'm constantly nervous in class or in social situations too, I'm so afraid to say something stupid and be rejected that I say nothing at all or I just give short answers like "yes", "I agree" and it's always a one-sided conversation, which I think is the reason why people have stopped trying to talk to me. I'm too boring, I don't say anything interesting (especially not about my life or my opinions) and I don't keep the conversation going. Maybe they also think I'm just not interested in talking. I don't know if anyone would even miss me, I'm always so quiet and unnoticeable and it feels like no one cares.
Another thing I noticed is that I don't really show emotions when I'm in social situations. People must think I'm an emotionless zombie haha. Are you able to show emotions?

I think what describes my situation really well is this quote from a Bring Me The Horizon song:
"I am the ocean, I am the sea, there is a world inside of me".
I am so much more than what I show. I wish people knew.

 

[littlelady774]

Another thing I noticed is that I don't really show emotions when I'm in social situations. People must think I'm an emotionless zombie haha. Are you able to show emotions?

Yes.. But I'm a total dork about it though..lol Like I get way to excited when talking to people sometimes. I smile and talk with my hands in an over exaggerated manner.. I'm afraid I scare people off with being so expressive.
So I just tell myself to stop it because it probably looks stupid..

I'm constantly nervous in class or in social situations too, I'm so afraid to say something stupid and be rejected that I say nothing at all or I just give short answers like "yes", "I agree"

Most definitely. One of my professors approached me a month ago about getting a PhD because he was impressed with my written homework. Ever since then I've been so nervous around him- I don't want to let him down. I'm afraid to speak or say something stupid.
He doesn't talk much to me anymore :( He barely acts like I exist. I probably said something stupid or disappointed him from being so nervous- When I get anxiety, my brain kinda slows down :(

 

[Redt2go]

For some reason whenever I am in a social situation (around people other than my parents) it's like a switch is being turned and I'm suddenly really inhibited and lose all of my personality. My mind goes blank and I don't know what to say. I get really self-conscious and I just can't be myself. People think I'm weird, cold and boring or they just assume that I'm a really introverted person. I'm so uncomfortable with who I am, I don't know why I act like this in social situations. I think it might be because I don't want to say anything wrong or stupid, maybe I'm afraid of being judged? That might be it. I thought maybe I have social anxiety but I'm not sure. I've been like this basically since my childhood and while being anxious is an issue, the main issue is that I'm so inhibited that I can't be myself. Maybe I just suppressed the anxiety. I have really low self-esteem and always feel inadequate/like I don't fit in. This low self-esteem and my self-hate probably contribute to me being inhibited and too afraid to show my personality. What drives me crazy is that deep down I know that probably no one would laugh at me if I started being myself, but the inhibition still doesn't go away. I've also thought that maybe I'm just shy, but I feel like my situation is more extreme than just shyness.

I wonder if I could make friends if I weren't so inhibited and maybe I could even find some happiness. I've been alone for so many years now and the loneliness is killing me. I wish I could be myself and let people close to me. But then again I'm probably too depressed to maintain a meaningful friendship. I would just distance myself because I feel like I'm not good enough. Like I deserve to be alone because I'm a complete loser. And even if that didn't happen I would probably lose interest in the friendship and everything would seem pointless and be too exhausting. I would be a terrible friend.

Why can't I just be normal and enjoy my life...:( I didn't ask for this bullshit. Ugh.

I fully relate to your post. There was a group of people I considered myself to be closer to however last night they described be as aloof, distant and cold... I felt like I was being my most me self but it's still not open enough to function like my peers. Like you it's been my whole life. I feel trapped in my body... Also the mind going blank thing too... I avoid hanging with people 1:1 bc of that and I'll also space out too. I never feel like I'm all there

EDIT: thanks for this thread. Was feeling very alone in this experience...

 

[sadsoul]

I fully relate to your post. There was a group of people I considered myself to be closer to however last night they described be as aloof, distant and cold... I felt like I was being my most me self but it's still not open enough to function like my peers. Like you it's been my whole life. I feel trapped in my body... Also the mind going blank thing too... I avoid hanging with people 1:1 bc of that and I'll also space out too. I never feel like I'm all there

EDIT: thanks for this thread. Was feeling very alone in this experience...

I'm sorry you have these problems too. And you're welcome, I was feeling very alone with this too, but now I know there are other people who have similar experiences. I'm glad someone can relate.

 

[dandan]

Yup, similar issue and it brings the idea that I would never be able to have a happy life, plus I lost all my money so things seems pointless now... Before loosing my money this was the reason to ctb... Anyone wants to ctb because of this??

 

[Redt2go]

Yup, similar issue and it brings the idea that I would never be able to have a happy life, plus I lost all my money so things seems pointless now... Before loosing my money this was the reason to ctb... Anyone wants to ctb because of this??

kind of, being social, functioning and consistent is crucial to professional success ... at least in fields that pay the bills enough to allow you to support yourself.... On the flip side the only way I see myself coping with a life where I'm working to the bone to barely cover my bills is if I have a group of close friends to unwind with on the weekends or on my minimal time off...

 

[sadsoul]

kind of, being social, functioning and consistent is crucial to professional success ... at least in fields that pay the bills enough to allow you to support yourself.... On the flip side the only way I see myself coping with a life where I'm working to the bone to barely cover my bills is if I have a group of close friends to unwind with on the weekends or on my minimal time off...

That's what I'm afraid of, I'm barely functioning (especially socially) and I don't think I would survive in the world if work...school is/was already horrible enough for me. I simply cannot imagine having a good paying job and being good at it or even enjoying it. And I agree, if I had a group of good friends I might be able to manage living like this, but in my current situation it's unimaginable to me.

 

[CoolGuy9]

I can't really connect with anyone no matter how hard I try.

 

[Pickles79]

I am with you guys. I hate being one on one!!! I avoid it. My mind goes blank and there's awkward silence. I have social anxiety/phobia I think because I have such a hard time talking to people. Going to the store I'm terrified I'll see someone I know and have to talk. I haven't been able to work because of it. I wish I could help support my family. I just feel like a failure at life.

 

[okkkk]

For some reason whenever I am in a social situation (around people other than my parents) it's like a switch is being turned and I'm suddenly really inhibited and lose all of my personality. My mind goes blank and I don't know what to say. I get really self-conscious and I just can't be myself. People think I'm weird, cold and boring or they just assume that I'm a really introverted person. I'm so uncomfortable with who I am, I don't know why I act like this in social situations. I think it might be because I don't want to say anything wrong or stupid, maybe I'm afraid of being judged? That might be it. I thought maybe I have social anxiety but I'm not sure. I've been like this basically since my childhood and while being anxious is an issue, the main issue is that I'm so inhibited that I can't be myself. Maybe I just suppressed the anxiety. I have really low self-esteem and always feel inadequate/like I don't fit in. This low self-esteem and my self-hate probably contribute to me being inhibited and too afraid to show my personality. What drives me crazy is that deep down I know that probably no one would laugh at me if I started being myself, but the inhibition still doesn't go away. I've also thought that maybe I'm just shy, but I feel like my situation is more extreme than just shyness.

I wonder if I could make friends if I weren't so inhibited and maybe I could even find some happiness. I've been alone for so many years now and the loneliness is killing me. I wish I could be myself and let people close to me. But then again I'm probably too depressed to maintain a meaningful friendship. I would just distance myself because I feel like I'm not good enough. Like I deserve to be alone because I'm a complete loser. And even if that didn't happen I would probably lose interest in the friendship and everything would seem pointless and be too exhausting. I would be a terrible friend.

Why can't I just be normal and enjoy my life...:( I didn't ask for this bullshit. Ugh.

i feel like i literally could have written this. You expressed that dilemma perfectly. And it I cant give you a answer because I have the same problem. Fuck everything.