incompatible with life

[trapdoor]

Do you ever feel incompatible with life? I'm autistic and maybe that has to do with it, but I just feel like my brain and body are rejecting this existence.. I can't keep a job, can barely get out of bed. It takes all of my energy to complete basic hygeine tasks like showers, brushing teeth, etc.. I see everyone else who views these things as bare minimum for existence, and yet I can't even do them, much less other things like grocery shopping, going outside, etc.

 

[dragonofenvy]

Do you ever feel incompatible with life? I'm autistic and maybe that has to do with it, but I just feel like my brain and body are rejecting this existence.. I can't keep a job, can barely get out of bed. It takes all of my energy to complete basic hygeine tasks like showers, brushing teeth, etc.. I see everyone else who views these things as bare minimum for existence, and yet I can't even do them, much less other things like grocery shopping, going outside, etc.

I feel this exactly. I feel like I was a rejection of society. Not able to make any friends, being relegated to a shitty, boring, monotonous "career." It takes all of my willpower to wake up. I never want to brush my teeth but force myself to. I only go grocery shopping if I am completely out of food. Hell right now I have the most single male fridge in existence. There's one can of soda, a piece of cheese, expired milk, and some very dry baby carrots that are bordering on inedible.

Yet, we're supposed to carry on. I don't know how it is that everyone except us can do it. What did we miss?

 

[trapdoor]

I feel this exactly. I feel like I was a rejection of society. Not able to make any friends, being relegated to a shitty, boring, monotonous "career." It takes all of my willpower to wake up. I never want to brush my teeth but force myself to. I only go grocery shopping if I am completely out of food. Hell right now I have the most single male fridge in existence. There's one can of soda, a piece of cheese, expired milk, and some very dry baby carrots that are bordering on inedible.

Yet, we're supposed to carry on. I don't know how it is that everyone except us can do it. What did we miss?

Exactly.. my whole life I felt there was a class everyone else took that I missed on how to be a human. Now I think I was just born wrong.

If I ever do manage to get and keep a job, I was considering getting an occupational therapist, one who could help me learn how to perform basic tasks. But it sucks that I have to start from scratch and work my way up when everyone else around me seems to have a headstart they don't even realize they have. And I don't even know what's wrong with me.

 

[dragonofenvy]

Exactly.. my whole life I felt there was a class everyone else took that I missed on how to be a human. Now I think I was just born wrong.

If I ever do manage to get and keep a job, I was considering getting an occupational therapist, one who could help me learn how to perform basic tasks. But it sucks that I have to start from scratch and work my way up when everyone else around me seems to have a headstart they don't even realize they have. And I don't even know what's wrong with me.

What helped me isn't focusing on the fact that everyone else had a headstart. I just wanted to start. I was the only one on my own racetrack. I ended up getting a social worker who helped me get me a job. This wasn't my first job, I worked as a teenager, but it was the first one I had since I was 18. I won't lie, the jobs they suggest to you will fucking suck horribly. I was put into a die casting plant as a die caster. It was horrible. But it got my foot in the door, and after suffering for a year and a half I'm now a driver. It still kinda sucks, but being a driver is so much better than anything else I'll be able to accomplish. It's not too demanding, I don't have to be miserable in 130F degree heat in a factory every day, and all I do is just drive around and listen to the radio or YouTube videos. It is accomplishable, but it's not easy.

Social workers who will get you a job are going to throw you at a place that will be more tolerant of bad performance. I think they get tax breaks for doing so. This doesn't mean you can blow your chance away. Unfortunately, this also means that if the job is really shitty the only thing you can do is keep pushing, and while you're pushing, sign up for something like Indeed and get email notifications for it and each day comb through the new job postings for your area. That's what I did. That's how I got the OK job I have now.

What basic tasks do you have trouble with? Also, you were talking about starting from scratch, but you've had jobs before yes? Can you identify what about those jobs makes it so you can't hold them?

 

[soonnotkoei]

yes. this is how i feel on a daily basis. feeling like im not cut out for this.

 

[bananaolympus]

I have the same feeling that life and i cannot coexist

 

[ClippedWings]

I am incompatible with the life I want to live because of my pathetic body, so I will die soon because I cannot achieve the life I want, that simple.

 

[NonEssential]

Either I can't achieve basic things like having friends or getting a job because I'm so terrible at it or because nobody would want me. Probably both.

 

[SoulWhisperer]

I feel that way too from my deathly social anxiety, unfitting for the social human life. If I manage to find a job then it'll probably be a miracle or others helping me live my life as usual. Although problems stacked so much I just directly wish I was gone.

 

[Forever Sleep]

More that I'm sick and tired of complying with life really. I can do it. It's not always easy. In fact, it's getting harder and harder to keep forcing myself to do everything. I suppose knowing that things will only get worse if I don't do certain things makes me eventually do them but again, not always now. Even the essentials are starting to slip.

There are certainly issues that make things likely more difficult than they need to be. Social anxiety, lack of confidence around others. However, I also know I ought to have done more to work on those things.

Really though, it's more that I resent my obligations really. Pretty much all of them. I don't struggle enough to qualify for benefits. I'm considered 'normal' enough to be able to work and sustain myself so- it's expected that I live a 'normal' and self sufficient life and basically- I don't want to! I'm tired and I want to quit.

 

[FuneralCry]

That is the way I always feel, I was never meant for the torturous and futile burden of human existence, to me existence just feels like a mistake and I suffer so much from being enslaved in this existence, I'm personally only meant for the peace of an eternal dreamless sleep. I wish to not exist as I was so harmfully forced into this existence that just causes suffering all for the sake of it and problems there were never a need for at all, I'd just never wish for this existence, to me existence is the problem, I wish I could erase my existence like I never suffered at all, non-existence is all that's positive for me as after all I cannot suffer from not existing, I only see never existing ever again as desirable.

 

[WanderingGypsy]

More that I'm sick and tired of complying with life really. I can do it. It's not always easy. In fact, it's getting harder and harder to keep forcing myself to do everything. I suppose knowing that things will only get worse if I don't do certain things makes me eventually do them but again, not always now. Even the essentials are starting to slip.

There are certainly issues that make things likely more difficult than they need to be. Social anxiety, lack of confidence around others. However, I also know I ought to have done more to work on those things.

Really though, it's more that I resent my obligations really. Pretty much all of them. I don't struggle enough to qualify for benefits. I'm considered 'normal' enough to be able to work and sustain myself so- it's expected that I live a 'normal' and self sufficient life and basically- I don't want to! I'm tired and I want to quit.

This is how I feel…I can force myself to keep up on daily things, and do what I need to do to pass off as "having it together". But I've been doing that my whole life! I'm tired of pretending things are ok or I have it all together. It's getting so much harder to even pretend or even have enough energy to pretend. I'm so tired of feeling this way. It's exhausting!

 

[HelloDarkness25]

This is how I feel. I just don't know how to do this life thing, if it makes sense. I felt like I am not meant for life for so long and it's only getting stronger with time

 

[max_vader2]

God damn, are you me?

Sometimes people tell me how much they admire my confidence when dealing with new people. They miss the part where I just pretend to be confident, and that I hate myself, and I cry my self to sleep