hardknocklife
Member
- Dec 14, 2022
- 6
These feelings that make me wanna ctb might stem from trauma, but at some point especially now as an adult, I have to take responsibility for my own healing.
But I just can't let it go.
I sabotage my health now on top of the trauma responses. I have such a weird mixture of compassion and hatred for myself. If I don't want to commit to getting better, why do I deserve help? Continuing therapy is only taking up a slot from someone who will use it.
Now that it has been a decade of living like this I can't find it in myself to care about my own wellbeing. There is no person for me to even return to, I was conditioned to be this way since birth. There is only a person to be discovered within me and I do not have the willpower to continue.
I don't know how I'll do it yet. My first choice, as it turns out, was not as foolproof as I had assumed.
But I just can't let it go.
I sabotage my health now on top of the trauma responses. I have such a weird mixture of compassion and hatred for myself. If I don't want to commit to getting better, why do I deserve help? Continuing therapy is only taking up a slot from someone who will use it.
Now that it has been a decade of living like this I can't find it in myself to care about my own wellbeing. There is no person for me to even return to, I was conditioned to be this way since birth. There is only a person to be discovered within me and I do not have the willpower to continue.
I don't know how I'll do it yet. My first choice, as it turns out, was not as foolproof as I had assumed.