In 2018 I tried to end my life. I was alone at the apartment. I put a trash bag over my head and tied it at the neck with a shoelace. And after breathing for seconds, I started to panic. I tried hard to continue, but I just couldn't. I was breathing rapidly inside this bag while feeling an unimaginable amount of fear and panic that escalated until I teared the bag with my hands. After I realised that my attempt has failed, I felt angry and hopeless. I started crying while saying things like: "where are you, God? Why did you leave me? What am I going to do now? There's no way out! Why is that happening to me? I just want peace. I just want to be left alone. Is that too much to ask?"
I remember that I cried a lot that day, like really a lot. I felt like I was trapped in a nightmare from which I can't escape.
I live in Egypt where the vast majority of the population think that a person does not have a right to die. On the top of that, it's extremely difficult to die peacefully in Egypt. You're not even allowed to buy guns.
After my failed attempt I was thinking of jumping off my apartment which is located at the 5th floor. Then I came across this forum and knew that jumping off this height won't probably kill me. I will just be left with a lasting injury. Even something as simple as SN will be seized in customs if you try to import it from outside.
Joining this community saved me from the danger of using an unreliable ctb method. It also gave me a safe place to speak about my feelings and thoughts that I can't express in real life without getting harmed. Moreover, now I have the precious opportunity to know more about the reliable ctb methods in order to be able to decide which one is best for me. It's also worth mentioning that I never saw any member here pushing another member to ctb. I never read any post that encourages others to harm themselves.
Therefore, I think this forum has an overall good impact on me and my mental health. And I'm assuming that this is true for other members whose societies are drowning in cruelty and false compassion. And because of this false compassion, some people want this forum to be taken down. If that happened, it will just be another proof that humanity sucks.
I remember that I cried a lot that day, like really a lot. I felt like I was trapped in a nightmare from which I can't escape.
I live in Egypt where the vast majority of the population think that a person does not have a right to die. On the top of that, it's extremely difficult to die peacefully in Egypt. You're not even allowed to buy guns.
After my failed attempt I was thinking of jumping off my apartment which is located at the 5th floor. Then I came across this forum and knew that jumping off this height won't probably kill me. I will just be left with a lasting injury. Even something as simple as SN will be seized in customs if you try to import it from outside.
Joining this community saved me from the danger of using an unreliable ctb method. It also gave me a safe place to speak about my feelings and thoughts that I can't express in real life without getting harmed. Moreover, now I have the precious opportunity to know more about the reliable ctb methods in order to be able to decide which one is best for me. It's also worth mentioning that I never saw any member here pushing another member to ctb. I never read any post that encourages others to harm themselves.
Therefore, I think this forum has an overall good impact on me and my mental health. And I'm assuming that this is true for other members whose societies are drowning in cruelty and false compassion. And because of this false compassion, some people want this forum to be taken down. If that happened, it will just be another proof that humanity sucks.
