In case you already attempted, how did you feel before you did it?

[mehdone]

I've made multiple attempts. Some planned, some impulsive- all obviously failed.

The planned ones- SI kicks in hard. It's frustrating, telling your body to do a thing- willing it with all of your might- but it just won't move/pull/let go/whatever. There was a relief when my body finally started doing it what I told it to.

The impulsive attempts- there was a significant amount of disassociation, as well as a sense of overwhelming peace.

Both of these followed by the failure- and all of the horrible feelings that come with it. The knowledge that I have to continue to face life. The knowledge that I can't even successfully kill myself. All of the negative crap that comes with a failed attempt.

 

[F@#$]

I used to shoot up alot. Every time I loaded a rig I was trying to die.

 

[heisenberg]

i was 15 and overdosed on about 100 pills. mainly antipsychotics. it was an impulse decision. i remember feeling kinda frantic before and distraught. i was thinking, "there's no other way, i have to do this." i was wearing a fitbit and watching my heart rate go up. i felt anxious, but it wasn't as bad as other times i had anxiety. after that feeling went away, i felt tired and just wanted to go to sleep. i told my parents and on the car ride to the hospital, i got more tired. i felt peaceful, i knew if i closed my eyes i'd lose consciousness. when we got to the hospital, i think i was in there for a minute or so, then passed out. i didn't feel anxious or sad in those moments, i just wanted to go to sleep.

 

[f1lth]

ive attempted several times, its honestly embarrassing lol. The first few times i was very scared and sad, crying a lot, not sure what i was doing but felt ready. The times after that i felt nothing. Just like pure nothing, emptiness, numb. Im not sure if that meant i was even more ready or just in the worst place ive ever been. Im sure now if/when i attempt, itll be more like my first few times. Scared, crying a lot, but probably drunk this time around

 

[kawaiiphantom]

I'm not sure if this counts as an attempt , but last year I had full suspension set up all I had to do was step off of the chair and it would have been over soon after. The feeling I felt before hand, everything was extremely grey and heavy, reality felt torturous and disgusting, nothing I looked at even gave me a single bit of happiness, not even things that were very sentimental to me. I felt like a completely different person like the depression just took over me at that point, I didn't even feel in control of myself. I didn't have very much SI, I felt completely ready. The reason I ended up not doing it is at the last second I remembered how I promised my best friend I wouldn't and how I was going to move where they were soon, and I wanted to live long enough to at least see them, also I hadn't finished my ctb note yet. So I stepped down and took a bunch of edibles (threw up everywhere ;w;) otherwise I knew I was going to go through with it. I kind of wish I did go through with it but also would have never found SS lmao

 

[InAgony]

I don't know whether I class my attempts as real attempts, but I felt resigned and accepted there was no other way.

 

[VoidedExistence]

my attempts were honestly very pathetic. didn't commit to it much. I tried hanging myself, first time was for maybe 10sec and second was for about a minute. thats all. i dont remember how i felt before or after, it was more than two years ago and i have terrible memory

 

[Raven2]

I was quite upset but thought it was the only way out of the situation and downed a load of pills. Second attempt I wasnt really expecting it to work and it didnt but I was quite calm