Hello, I need help, not judgement right now. I moved to MX with my old dog last year, and never in a million years expected to be in the situation I am currently in. I am a few hundred dollars from being flat broke and rent is due in 2 days. Neither my dog or myself would survive being homeless for 5 minutes, and I cannot leave his welfare up to chance when I CTB. To truncate my situation as much as possible, if I had figured out what I did wrong after a failed CTB attempt w/25 bars of Xanax and a bottle of whiskey in late 2023, instead of getting involved with a long term friend, who convinced me he would be crushed if I hurt myself, and he would always lean in, and my clinical depression and severe ADHD, with anxiety and OCD did not and would not ever scare him, and he would never allow me or my dog to be on the streets, I would have had enough money left over from the sale of my condo, to care for my dog for the rest of his life. But no, I trusted him, then of course he leaned all the way out, basically said I was hard to love sometimes because I'm too much, and instead of breaking up with me when I flew back home in March so my visa would not expire, he waited until I returned to MX, and broke up with me in a text, lol. My career of over 25 years started declining 10 years ago, my new career choice is not working out as planned and I no longer have the time or financial resources to keep plugging as I wait for the economy to turn around. Things are very bad, and this is where I find myself. The only promise I can make my dog at this point is he will not die alone or afraid, but we both have to CTB in the next 48 hours, because nobody is coming to save either of us, and my best efforts were not enough. I am angry with my former boyfriend, not because of me so much, because before him that was my plan for myself, and I was literally shocked as *hit when I woke the heck up in my car the next day (no driving was done, I went to my car in the garage so my condo would not be devalued by me CTB in it). But I am angry and confused about the position my dog is in because I chose to trust someone more than anyone I'd ever trusted. But I digress too much now...
I will be using PPH exit bag, non gas for myself, to avoid the possibility of waking up permanently brain damaged and or otherwise further debilitated, as would be my luck with gas. But for my dog, I am soul crushed, and have never been more soul crushed by anything I can think of. I gave him an antacid, and 6mg of Xanax last Saturday, which should have been 2x the dose for his 70ib weight, and then stayed awake all night watching him and petting him while he snuggled under my arm and slept very deeply. I was waiting on his central nervous system to stop his breathing in his sleep, and it got very slow but did not stop. I have to try again tonight, because again, we have 2 days. I do not need suggestions other than how to do this for him with only Xanax and I do have a single use helium tank, I found yesterday, but idk if he will be asleep enough for me to put a bag over his head. I do not want him to feel any fear. If I knew anyone here who would take good care of my 10 year old, one eyed dog, who is very skittish I would never even consider this route, but he absolutely cannot end up in Mexican or any other type of animal control, or chained in someones yard. All this to try to explain where I am coming from, what I am working with, and to see if anyone can chime in with helpful facts specific to my and my dogs actual reality. I cannot stress enough, if I had any other resources or support I would never consider this, and prior to a month ago, would have harshly judged any person considering what I have no other choice but to do, and just do not want to mess it up like I did Saturday. I would not even post a thread this controversial, if I could trust the information on a search engine regarding Xanax dosing for this unthinkable act. It's already been established my dog does not react in unexpected ways, like aggression or hyperactivity, when on Xanax. Thank you in advance for only helpful responses, as I'd literally give my right hand not to be typing this right now or ever about my dog.
I will be using PPH exit bag, non gas for myself, to avoid the possibility of waking up permanently brain damaged and or otherwise further debilitated, as would be my luck with gas. But for my dog, I am soul crushed, and have never been more soul crushed by anything I can think of. I gave him an antacid, and 6mg of Xanax last Saturday, which should have been 2x the dose for his 70ib weight, and then stayed awake all night watching him and petting him while he snuggled under my arm and slept very deeply. I was waiting on his central nervous system to stop his breathing in his sleep, and it got very slow but did not stop. I have to try again tonight, because again, we have 2 days. I do not need suggestions other than how to do this for him with only Xanax and I do have a single use helium tank, I found yesterday, but idk if he will be asleep enough for me to put a bag over his head. I do not want him to feel any fear. If I knew anyone here who would take good care of my 10 year old, one eyed dog, who is very skittish I would never even consider this route, but he absolutely cannot end up in Mexican or any other type of animal control, or chained in someones yard. All this to try to explain where I am coming from, what I am working with, and to see if anyone can chime in with helpful facts specific to my and my dogs actual reality. I cannot stress enough, if I had any other resources or support I would never consider this, and prior to a month ago, would have harshly judged any person considering what I have no other choice but to do, and just do not want to mess it up like I did Saturday. I would not even post a thread this controversial, if I could trust the information on a search engine regarding Xanax dosing for this unthinkable act. It's already been established my dog does not react in unexpected ways, like aggression or hyperactivity, when on Xanax. Thank you in advance for only helpful responses, as I'd literally give my right hand not to be typing this right now or ever about my dog.
