Venting in an unhealthy relationship with my ex

[wildbluekiss]

i can't do this anymore
my depression drives him away
my guilt for him also drives him away

both me and him are sick in the head i guess
cuz he's still here after my past wrongdoings
but i'm always in constant panic and terror
when i think i do things that are unfavorable for him.

he never says anything out loud
but i don't know
i always imagine him being disgusted and disappointed in me
i just have this anxiety that he will leave me again
(i left him first. we never got back together but we've been… 'friends'… now… for a while)

i'm so scared he will leave me what should i do he's the only one i love and i have left in this dark place

my prince
i beg you
please don't leave me

please just be mean to me do the worst you could to me but please don't leave me i've acknowledged my sins and i don't ask for your forgiveness i just want you to stay and know that i'm sorry

stop being an angel stop being too kind
if you have something evil to say please just spit it to me don't leave me in the dark even for a day i can't stop crying

 

[Ovid]

Stop this immediately

 

[wildbluekiss]

Stop this immediately

i know i sounded (and still sound) so stupid but it's not like he ever verbally abused me or something. the worst he did was when he ghosted me for months but he came back and said that he's sorry. i think it's me i'm too annoying and depressed and can't stop being sad (i rarely vented to him but it's clear that i am, in fact, sad, and maybe i ruined his mood, i don't know) is it saddening that i just want him to stay... i'll stop being sad in front of him i'd do everything

we broke up in 2020 and been like this this ever since