In agony physically

[Chockles]

I'm so scared not of death itself but of failing.
Until 9 months ago I was chronically physically disabled but not suicidal. I always just made the best of things.

Now I've been bed ridden in absolute agony for 9 solid months can't do anything for myself, meds don't even touch my pain & it's on so many levels & I'm living with my parents who are devastated but cannot help me escape my suffering

I've tried drug overdoses, starvation, dehydration & now I'm putting all my hopes on ordering N to the UK & it landing successfully.

I cry all day everyday writhering around in agony yet nhs say nothing is wrong. Seems if your heart is ticking find anxiety is blamed for everything. I know I have rare physical disorders, I know my muscles and nerves are damaged but they think talking to a psyche will miracously fix my physical issues.

I never wanted to die but I cannot go on living like this. It's barely existing. Please let N arrive & put me out of my misery.

 

[Jumping_realms]

Wow. I'm sorry you are suffering so bad. If you used the correct vendor, he will take care of you.

What condition do you have, if I may ask?

 

[Chockles]

Wow. I'm sorry you are suffering so bad. If you used the correct vendor, he will take care of you.

What condition do you have, if I may ask?

Too many conditions: Hypermobile syndrome, triple x syndrome, auto immune disorders, suspected mold toxicity, nerve damage to my muscles in ears & jaw, ibs amongst others cellular health issues

 

[whywere]

My heart broke in pieces when I read your post, as I have 24/7 chronic pain from a car crash, car crash not my fault, and can truly feel for you and your predicament . I too have a lot of damage to my cns, central nerve system, that can not be repaired ever. I was told that the technology does not exist and I take opioids every darn day to try and keep the pain manageable.

You are a kind and caring soul, I picked that up reading your post, as I send you lots of hugs, caring and the knowledge that you are a very important part of SS and me also.

Walter

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

I am so sorry to hear you are suffering so much. I truly wish we lived in a world where crippling deformities, disabilities, and sicknesses were taken seriously and dealt with accordingly when they incapacitate your very soul and leave it reeling with misery.

No more shrugging these issues off, no more hands and white flags being thrown up by these so called experts when they can't figure out how to approach a pathology that wasn't featured in their textbooks, no ignoring the problems, none of that nonsense. All of it should be replaced with compassion, curiosity, and care.

If someone's life is completely desolated by chronic pain and incurable illness, they should have access to the best painkillers available and every experimental treatment that shows promising results in initial human trials. No more of the inhumane practice of leaving someone to rot and making them beg for a modicum of relief.

Once again, I am truly sorry you have to endure this. My heart goes out to you. My own reasons for wanting to leave this earth are nearly identical to yours.

 

[Jumping_realms]

Too many conditions: Hypermobile syndrome, triple x syndrome, auto immune disorders, suspected mold toxicity, nerve damage to my muscles in ears & jaw, ibs amongst others cellular health issues

That's beyond sad...

Again, I'm confident "D" will take care of you, so at minimum you then have your own control of your desired outcome. I'm nearly certain in a couple days it will have landed, with how quick it is to closer areas.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are suffering so much and have had your condition invalidated by the nhs. It sounds really horrible what you are going through. Life is so cruel and unfair. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[noname223]

That sounds horrible. I am really sorry. Try not to be scammed. Evil people want to scam extremely desperate people when they try to buy N: This world can be so ugly.

 

[mentalhealthfighter]

I'm sorry you have to go through this. it sounds like you are suffering terribly. I hope you find peace as soon as possible.

 

[moths]

thats sounds awful im so sorry youre suffering like that. its absolutely cruel for nhs to tell you its all in your head the lack of compassion some human beings have for each other really amazes me sometimes. id love for the people who told you nothing is wrong to feel the way you do just for a day. you dont deserve to go through this constant pain. youre extremely strong for living through it for so long and i hope you find the peace you deserve.

 

[clown_17]

I'm sorry you aren't getting the treatment you need. It's horrible how real physical problems are called "anxiety" because people are too lazy to understand them. I seriously hope your condition eases up or you at least find peace wherever your future takes you.

 

[Chockles]

My heart broke in pieces when I read your post, as I have 24/7 chronic pain from a car crash, car crash not my fault, and can truly feel for you and your predicament . I too have a lot of damage to my cns, central nerve system, that can not be repaired ever. I was told that the technology does not exist and I take opioids every darn day to try and keep the pain manageable.

You are a kind and caring soul, I picked that up reading your post, as I send you lots of hugs, caring and the knowledge that you are a very important part of SS and me also.

Walter

Thank you
I'm sorry you are suffering also
Unfortunately for me opiates & nerve meds like pregabalin just don't touch my pain at all. I've even tried illegal oxy. They & illegal benzos help me sleep a little more bit nothing touched the banging headaches, neuropathic issues in my sinuses & throat. Feels like motor neuron disease choking on phlegm all the time but I know myself it's my muscles are destroying probably from mold toxicity & its damaged all my nerves. But no one believes me in NHS or they blame depression/anxiety for everything. It is brutal. My only wish is to die & soon. X

I'm sorry you aren't getting the treatment you need. It's horrible how real physical problems are called "anxiety" because people are too lazy to understand them. I seriously hope your condition eases up or you at least find peace wherever your future takes you.

Nothing eases the brutal symptoms
I just hope I can acquire N & have the guts to go through with cbt soon. X

I am so sorry to hear you are suffering so much. I truly wish we lived in a world where crippling deformities, disabilities, and sicknesses were taken seriously and dealt with accordingly when they incapacitate your very soul and leave it reeling with misery.

No more shrugging these issues off, no more hands and white flags being thrown up by these so called experts when they can't figure out how to approach a pathology that wasn't featured in their textbooks, no ignoring the problems, none of that nonsense. All of it should be replaced with compassion, curiosity, and care.

If someone's life is completely desolated by chronic pain and incurable illness, they should have access to the best painkillers available and every experimental treatment that shows promising results in initial human trials. No more of the inhumane practice of leaving someone to rot and making them beg for a modicum of relief.

Once again, I am truly sorry you have to endure this. My heart goes out to you. My own reasons for wanting to leave this earth are nearly identical to yours.

I'm sorry you are going through similar.
I've never done anything illegal apart from cannabis but this has driven me to oobtaining pregabalin, oxy; benzos anything online to try & find the pain but nothing works. Next step had to be acquiring N & finding a way to swallow it all. X

 

[Beau]

I am so terribly sorry for your suffering. I hope you can find relief soon.

It makes me angry when doctors have the hubris to discount problems because their limited test methods can't find anything wrong. In the meantime, we are treated like chemistry experiments, with doctors pushing pill after pill at their discretion, often doing more damage than good. At some point in the future our current state of knowledge about the human body will be considered downright primitive.

 

[Wrennie]

I'm so scared not of death itself but of failing.
Until 9 months ago I was chronically physically disabled but not suicidal. I always just made the best of things.

Now I've been bed ridden in absolute agony for 9 solid months can't do anything for myself, meds don't even touch my pain & it's on so many levels & I'm living with my parents who are devastated but cannot help me escape my suffering

I've tried drug overdoses, starvation, dehydration & now I'm putting all my hopes on ordering N to the UK & it landing successfully.

I cry all day everyday writhering around in agony yet nhs say nothing is wrong. Seems if your heart is ticking find anxiety is blamed for everything. I know I have rare physical disorders, I know my muscles and nerves are damaged but they think talking to a psyche will miracously fix my physical issues.

I never wanted to die but I cannot go on living like this. It's barely existing. Please let N arrive & put me out of my misery.

You sound like you might have what I have. I recently had a blood test performed that revealed I tested positive for a rare antibody that causes my immune system to eat my body's nerve endings. It is excruciating on an otherworldly level. Do you feel like your veins were injected with sulphuric acid 24/7?

 

[Chockles]

You sound like you might have what I have. I recently had a blood test performed that revealed I tested positive for a rare antibody that causes my immune system to eat my body's nerve endings. It is excruciating on an otherworldly level. Do you feel like your veins were injected with sulphuric acid 24/7?

Yes I believe I've been poisoned by hidden mold & mycotoxins in my environment in lockdown. My whole body feels electrocuted all the time. I had non stop brain zaps for 6 months that resulted in non stop hanging head aches, feeling of sinus congestion, eat fullness with red hot poker pain, & as if I'm choking on my own phlegm & being strangled all the time near my existing let alone living. Can't sleep, struggle to eat & no bowel movements . I need to ctb

 

[Wrennie]

Yes I believe I've been poisoned by hidden mold & mycotoxins in my environment in lockdown. My whole body feels electrocuted all the time. I had non stop brain zaps for 6 months that resulted in non stop hanging head aches, feeling of sinus congestion, eat fullness with red hot poker pain, & as if I'm choking on my own phlegm & being strangled all the time near my existing let alone living. Can't sleep, struggle to eat & no bowel movements . I need to ctb

All of the hugs in the world for you.

if you're having no bowel movements then I highly recommend liquid sodium magnesium citrate laxative. I am severely anorexic so my bowels don't work anymore on their own either, but that stuff always clears me out (and as a bonus helps with nerve pain).

 

[Chockles]

All of the hugs in the world for you.

if you're having no bowel movements then I highly recommend liquid sodium magnesium citrate laxative. I am severely anorexic so my bowels don't work anymore on their own either, but that stuff always clears me out (and as a bonus helps with nerve pain).

Thank you. Worked for years but not anymore unfortunately I have hypotonia weak muscle tone it takes an enema to empty my bowels I rarely eat now anyway. Ctb planned for a few weeks time

 

[AtMostOkay]

I'm so sorry you are suffering, am sending all love and peace for your journey.

 

[Chockles]

I'm so sorry. In a similar boat with no idea how to use the dark web. I'm 50 and in the states and want N desperately. I just want a peaceful end to this nightmare. Why can't it be easier to obtain what we need? Partial is my likely method. That and the meds I have accumulated. But I would rather it be N by a landslide.

I'm too unfit for hanging. N is my only hope left. I've never used dark net either but hoping to learn other ways to transfer funds via crypto.
I wish you peace too whichever method you choose xx

 

[dyingalone123]

You guys have a lot of strength!!! I wish I had that strength.
I don't know how you haven't ctb yet. I'm here struggling mentally and physically but I don't have acidic pain.

 

[Chockles]

You guys have a lot of strength!!! I wish I had that strength.
I don't know how you haven't ctb yet. I'm here struggling mentally and physically but I don't have acidic pain.

It's not that I haven't tried just had many failed attempts & now left it too late to do anything bar N

You as well.

this should all be easier. I just want to pass at how in my sleep. But that won't happen. I'm so sad

Yes I guess I always thought it was my this possible to have so much nerve damage & yet not die. I'd love to die in my sleep. These days even sleep is difficult

 

[dyingalone123]

That's one of the worse things. I can't sleep well at all. Pain just exacerbates it even more.