Do you believe in an afterlife?
I don't believe in one but I hope there is one. Alternatively (what I actually prefer) would be reincarnation. Different body, different circumstances, different brain, even if I'm a person again, I don't care, that'd be lovely. Just not me preferably.
What method do you plan to use?
Nicotine. I've made a few shill-y threads on it so I won't go into too much detail but there's a 250ml bottle with around 3-4x the lethal dose sat in it (I forget) right in front of me looking oh so lovely. It does not smell oh so lovely and I can imagine it's not going to taste oh so lovely either, but it is what it is. I might have to wash it down with something. Oh well.
Cats. I own 8 dogs but I love cats far more (not to say I don't love my dogs!)
No, I was hoping to live long enough to get a few of some references from my favourite pieces of media but that seems largely pointless when you're going to be a stinky old corpse in like a day. Can't get everything you want unfortunately :/
Lavender. I love the smell and I have some oil of the stuff that I'm going to spray all over my body and on my bed while I die. Love the royal purple of it too, it's just so beautiful.
Thoughts on psychedelics?
Never got to try them but I don't think they'd be much help - a lot of my problems are a lot more organically ingrained (that is to say, rational and immutable. Sucks but again, is what it is.) Heard MDMA is nice though - I think that's a psychedelic? That'd be the closest solution to my problems.
When did you know this is ultimately what you want?
About 3 hours ago, but I decide basically every other day I'm going to CTB. Today's just the most promising day for it and I actually have the means for it now (was waiting for a paycheck to get all my shit together but I couldn't even do that - I'm still missing domperidone unfortunately so there's a nonzero chance I throw it all up and then have to go into work later
)
Any advice on how to get the courage?
Fuck knows, I was hoping someone would tell ME. I just plan on chugging my glass while thinking about absolutely nothing just to get it out of the way and to avoid the inevitable rancid taste.
Hopefully I gave you enough to answer, you shouldn't be left high and dry in your final hours.
Thanks, you're a real one. If I wasn't going to kill myself over my 100 other reasons, getting 0 replies and 12 views on a thread might have been the next straw to break the camel's back
Are you going to listen to music when you do it? If so what's on your playlist?
Hell yeah brother. I love Boa as well as a lot of prog and alt rock so my playlist is packed although I have a sneaky feeling I'm not making it more than 10 songs in before I can't hear it over the vomit flying out of my throat or before I physically cannot hear it anymore due to a mushy inactive brain. That aside, the ones that are at the very top....
1. Twilight by Boa. Certified banger.
2. Duvet by Boa. See above. God I love Boa.
3. Brillarosa by Fuerza Regida. One of, if not my best online friend has been sharing his playlist with me for a month or so now and I fell in love with this song. Not a clue what it's saying but the vibes are immaculate. If you see this S. (I should probably redact his name, it's a bit blatant... :/) you're a real one
4. Something in Hebrew 15 by Assaf Amdursky. The same as Brillarosa but I woke up one morning and it was autoplaying. Same immaculate vibes.
5. Good Looking by Suki Waterhouse. I like this one too.
Those be the top 5
