Important Question

[fathead30]

Important question, please answer truthfully

Does anybody think about how their suicide will affect friends and family when they are gone? If no, what are your thoughts? What do you tell yourself when thinking about friends and family suffering?

 

[soon06132022]

Important question, please answer truthfully

Does anybody think about how their suicide will affect friends and family when they are gone? If no, what are your thoughts? What do you tell yourself when thinking about friends and family suffering?

I've spent a lot of time thinking about the way that it will impact important friends in my life. I have been drafting meaningful letters to them to send, and working on ways to alert them of my choice prior to when the authorities do as they are listed as my emergency contacts. Family not so much as we have been estranged for over 20 years.

 

[FuneralCry]

I guess the way that I see it, if I was to die soon, it would not matter to me what would happen after I was gone as I will simply not be there to see it. All humans will die someday and grief and loss are a part of life and to me suicide is a human right, it is a personal decision when to leave this world. I could never be able to suffer only for the sake of others. My reason for still being here is limited access to methods and fear of failing ctb.

 

[may13]

Important question, please answer truthfully

Does anybody think about how their suicide will affect friends and family when they are gone? If no, what are your thoughts? What do you tell yourself when thinking about friends and family suffering?

I fully understand the gravity of the situation I'm about to introduce. I don't lie to myself about it. But no one in my life bears the albatross I do. I can empathize with the pain they will feel, much like they can empathize with my own suffering. But they will recover, much like I hope you will from the loss of your friend. And one day they will look back with fondness on the time we shared.

I am sorry for the loss you have endured. I am certain your friend was, too. We are not cold, callous monsters (and I realize you're not implying we are). We are broken in ways that we cannot mend from. Nobody seeks this path. We seek escape from the pain.

I hope you find peace and love in your life. Be sound, friend.

One quick edit… I have been in your shoes. People will tell you that time heals all… that's not entirely true. It's how we spend that time that leads to healing. Allow yourself to grieve. Honor the love you had for your friend. Find peace, remember him/her in good measure, and know they didn't do this to punish you.

 

[MsMaudlin]

I know that me CTB will devastate my family and friends.
All I can do is apologise and when I'm gone it's for the best in the long run.

❤

 

[Foresight]

Of course, and it's saddening but it doesn't alter a lot aspects of the decision. When I think about it I know that they aren't burdened with my existence the way I am. Only I have to go through this life as me, and they will never truly know my suffering. I also know I owe no one my time and my persistent suffering. I didn't have children for this reason. It's not on me that my family exists and they're subject to grief. I still need to work and mentally thrive to exist in peace and they ultimately can't know what I go through or hold my hand through life. We're all honestly alone in this world ultimately. I don't want them to hurt, but I won't keep going into darkening madness from my issues to hold off their grief. It gets to the point that it's inhumane for them to ask me to keep that cycle going.

The only person I feel I owe something to is my husband based on vows and building a life as a unit. I talk to him when I feel pressure rising. The difference is he releases the pressure if it gets bad. If I can't work or thrive independently he steps in. I can tell him anything and he doesn't judge. A lot of family can't or won't do that unconditionally. That's what kept me going.

 

[Marine]

I have neither friends nor family and that's the issue.

 

[Readytogasap]

I am already spirutally dead, i am already wasting my life away doing very little.
I do have people who love me and care, but I can't just accept years of pain for the sake of them. I've tried that already and it's lead me to missery.

I am already dead in all but name only. Suicide is just a fait accompli.

 

[breadlexington]

This thought has kept me alive for 18 years. I don't like being alive, but somehow I made a few friends.

Some of my closest friends will miss me. A few might wonder if they could have done anything to help. But ultimately I know that they are in happy enough places in their lives that they will all be able to rebuild. My two closest friends are happily married, so if they do grieve they will each have someone to support them.

My husband abuses me, so I don't really feel bad about how he'll feel. In fact I am sure that it will impact his life positively. He has told me all about how he is going to get a new wife once I'm gone.

I do feel bad for whoever is going to find my body. But I'll arrange things so that a stranger finds me once I'm gone.

 

[dirtnap]

I have one family member, like 4 friends, a great work family and many acquaintances. I feel like my death will impact them to some degree but I'm so far gone that I'm not too concerned about how they will feel.
I've emotionally detached myself over the years from getting too invested in deep relationships.

Those who hurt me though, I hope they feel some remorse for causing so much pain throughout my life.

 

[outrider567]

I know that me CTB will devastate my family and friends.
All I can do is apologise and when I'm gone it's for the best in the long run.

❤

Yes, my first word in my suicide note is 'Sorry'

 

[Judy Garland]

Anyone who knew me will say, "we knew it was only a matter of time..." That's how they'll react.

 

[Anonymus]

They will stay calm and rested, this is what happened when my grandmother died after three years without moving from the bed, none of us cried, only those of me who were away from home.
The son of a neighbor who was quite physically and mentally ill for many years died, he was giving his family a lot of problems and now his mother, who is over 80 years old, has had his face rejuvenated and she looks happier.

I know the same thing will happen to me, they will rest and lead a happier life.
//
Es quedaran tranquils i descansats, és el que va passar quan va morir la meva àvia després de tres anys sense moure's del llit, cap de noslatres va plorar, només els que he eren fora de casa.
Fa poc es va morir el fill d'una veïna que estava força malalt tan físicament com mentalment de feia bastants anys, donava força problemes a la seva família i ara a aquesta dona que te més de 80 anys se li ha rejuvenit el rostre i se la veu més feliç.

Se que amb mi passarà el mateix, es quedaràn descansats i portaràn una vida més feliç.

 

[fathead30]

I fully understand the gravity of the situation I'm about to introduce. I don't lie to myself about it. But no one in my life bears the albatross I do. I can empathize with the pain they will feel, much like they can empathize with my own suffering. But they will recover, much like I hope you will from the loss of your friend. And one day they will look back with fondness on the time we shared.

I am sorry for the loss you have endured. I am certain your friend was, too. We are not cold, callous monsters (and I realize you're not implying we are). We are broken in ways that we cannot mend from. Nobody seeks this path. We seek escape from the pain.

I hope you find peace and love in your life. Be sound, friend.

One quick edit… I have been in your shoes. People will tell you that time heals all… that's not entirely true. It's how we spend that time that leads to healing. Allow yourself to grieve. Honor the love you had for your friend. Find peace, remember him/her in good measure, and know they didn't do this to punish you.

i just cannot imagine the pain

i just cannot imagine the pain

I'm sorry it is so deep and torturous
I would be afraid I may end up in a place 100 times worse. That's what I would be afraid of. Do you consider it may be far worse?
It seems like most think it will be peace and rest. What if it isn't?

 

[friendofbirds]

i hope they will forgive me. i think about it constantly. the guilt is what keeps me here

 

[fathead30]

if you are hell bent on doing it which I know some people are, leave a message for the people who will miss you. Tell them that you love them and why you are doing it. It will help them a lot. The ones left behind struggle with not knowing why. So leave a note so they do not have questions or blame themselves
I do not have friends. My one friend committed suicide. I will be strong and continue my life. I love doing stuff alone. I am an introvert

 

[may13]

if you are hell bent on doing it which I know some people are, leave a message for the people who will miss you. Tell them that you love them and why you are doing it. It will help them a lot. The ones left behind struggle with not knowing why. So leave a note so they do not have questions or blame themselves
I do not have friends. My one friend committed suicide. I will be strong and continue my life. I love doing stuff alone. I am an introvert

Honest question: how do you explain the "why" to those left behind? Is there a way to do this that you see as being healing? I'm asking because I would love to be able to provide answers to the ones I love, but haven't even been able to begin to articulate myself in a way that I think would be helpful for them.

So as someone who recently experienced loss by suicide, what question would you want answered?

Please know that I'm ABSOLUTELY NOT being argumentative. I would genuinely like to know how to approach expressing my reasons in a way that could help them heal.

 

[fathead30]

Honest question: how do you explain the "why" to those left behind? Is there a way to do this that you see as being healing? I'm asking because I would love to be able to provide answers to the ones I love, but haven't even been able to begin to articulate myself in a way that I think would be helpful for them.

So as someone who recently experienced loss by suicide, what question would you want answered?

Please know that I'm ABSOLUTELY NOT being argumentative. I would genuinely like to know how to approach expressing my reasons in a way that could help them heal.

I just keep having so many questions. She did it so secretly. I feel like I blame myself in ways. Wonder if she was unhappy with me. She talked to my normally and then disappeared out of nowhere. She mailed a box of possessions to me so I know she loved me but I still can't rest my mind. I was shocked. Her friends and family are so confused and shocked and have so many questions. And no one will ever have an answer. It makes it really tough. She had many people that are just broken inside now. So many questions. She left no note.

I just keep having so many questions. She did it so secretly. I feel like I blame myself in ways. Wonder if she was unhappy with me. She talked to my normally and then disappeared out of nowhere. She mailed a box of possessions to me so I know she loved me but I still can't rest my mind. I was shocked. Her friends and family are so confused and shocked and have so many questions. And no one will ever have an answer. It makes it really tough. She had many people that are just broken inside now. So many questions. She left no note.

It may not be obvious at all that you are struggling so deeply to others.

Honest question: how do you explain the "why" to those left behind? Is there a way to do this that you see as being healing? I'm asking because I would love to be able to provide answers to the ones I love, but haven't even been able to begin to articulate myself in a way that I think would be helpful for them.

So as someone who recently experienced loss by suicide, what question would you want answered?

Please know that I'm ABSOLUTELY NOT being argumentative. I would genuinely like to know how to approach expressing my reasons in a way that could help them heal.

They will struggle with no answers. You do not see it but they will struggle

 

[Grav]

Honest question: how do you explain the "why" to those left behind?

That's one of the few things keeping me here. I can explain the "technical" way I'm feeling, views of life, etc but I find it very difficult to explain why to the one who matters the most. So I plod on day, after day, after day. As she gets older it's feeling less difficult in my head for her to understand, and her career goal makes this probably much easier. I still don't think she'll really get it if I just write a letter and even a recording won't do it justice enough to "heal". Friends and siblings will have the "oh yeah, that's not surprising". If she ever said "dad it's ok, go on" then I'd be out of here.

 

[Well-Edited Chaos]

They will struggle with no answers.

I think those left behind will struggle either way. And I'm not convinced that trying to explain why - if you can even articulate your reasons - will help.

That assumes that they will believe your reasons, accept your reasons, and from that - somehow - understand the depth of your pain (despair / loneliness / shame / helplessness / physical pain / feeling of rejection / feeling of being trapped / brokenness / whatever).

I just don't see that happening.

 

[WaitingForTheSun]

Important question, please answer truthfully

Does anybody think about how their suicide will affect friends and family when they are gone? If no, what are your thoughts? What do you tell yourself when thinking about friends and family suffering?

I see life as a river and suicide as a dam. When you cut off the river the water redirects and finds news ways. Pain is that water. It's transfered. And it's natural. But the way I see it now, everyone had their chance to help. And nothing on Earth is better than Freedom.

 

[ConstantPain]

I can't ctb while my mother's still alive. She is the one person I know that will feel devastated and probably unable to get over it. She lost a daughter years ago and has never gotten over the grief. At 83 years old and not the greatest health, she prays daily it will be her last.

Otherwise, everyone else can and will get over it.

 

[Hope:-)]

My fear of pain is one of the ways I'm unlucky when it comes to ctb, but the fact that my family genuinely wouldn't care is one of the ways I'm lucky x

 

[Burner1234]

Important question, please answer truthfully

Does anybody think about how their suicide will affect friends and family when they are gone? If no, what are your thoughts? What do you tell yourself when thinking about friends and family suffering?

No, not really. They'll get over it eventually. I don't have any friends. Many of the ones I thought were my friends either ended up turning their back on me, were just trying to use me, or we drifted apart. I doubt most would remember who I was. As for my family, I'm pretty sure I've overstayed my welcome with them anyway. I grew up in a broken home so I'm a product of that. Although I did try to change things and not be a statistic. As for them suffering? They'll get over it. Give it a week and they'll forget.

 

[Midnight-rain]

Yes I have given it some thought. In the past my (now ex) best friend gave me an impactful reason to stay. It's unfortunate we are no longer in contact but they saved me the trouble of writing arguably the hardest note and having to hurt them with my passing. If all goes well they will never find out I ctb. The other friends I have may grieve somewhat but I was merely a footnote in their lives. They will get over my death. As for my family? I don't care. Let them cry a river. Or silently cheer that I'm finally gone. They'll still receive letters however, as a courtesy.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I really don't think it would affect anybody but my sister… Other people might think of me now and then but I really don't think it would affect anybody but my sister… Other people might think of me now and then but I have drifted away from most people… And I'm basically a Husk of a human being at this point… Not much left of me to miss…

 

[damaged_soul]

I don't have any friends. The only people who will miss me are my parents. I feel bad for them, but they were the ones who forced me into existence without my consent in the first place, so I don't think I have any obligation to live just for their sake.

 

[Euthanza]

I have a partner who loves me and knows I'm suicidal, but I will be alone at my last moment to avoid false allegations. I'll leave a sum of fortune, not much but I hope it covers enough.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Honest question: how do you explain the "why" to those left behind? Is there a way to do this that you see as being healing? I'm asking because I would love to be able to provide answers to the ones I love, but haven't even been able to begin to articulate myself in a way that I think would be helpful for them.

So as someone who recently experienced loss by suicide, what question would you want answered?

Please know that I'm ABSOLUTELY NOT being argumentative. I would genuinely like to know how to approach expressing my reasons in a way that could help them heal.

I think I would want people to know that there wasn't anything they could have done to help me. Asides from grief, I suspect that the friends and family of those who commit suicide likely feel guilt that maybe there's something they could have done- I'd want to try and tell people that it was a personal struggle that I've battled with for several decades.

Whilst I have close friends who know I feel suicidal, I wouldn't want to tell any of them if I eventually plan to go ahead with it- for the same reason that I don't want them to try and help me and fail if I manage one day to do it.

Anger is more problematic because I'm sure there is a feeling that people who have committed suicide are selfish inflicting all that grief on those around them. I'd only hope that they would compare it to someone/something in extreme physical pain- surely if you truly care about someone, you don't want to see them suffering. I'd ask them to be 'happy' for me that my fight was over. (Hopefully with no awful afterlife).

For me personally, I only have one person- my Dad who I think it would devastate. I want to hang on till he passes to do it (if I have the guts to do it then). I've lost touch with most other friends and family. I guess it's a balance in a way, when I feel like my sadness and grief will outweigh theirs, it feels reasonable to go and hope they understand.