Imp of the Perverse - Intrusive Thoughts and Not Giving a F*ck

[Celerity]

For the past month after my "friends" abandoned me and my mood took a turn for the worse, I have been plagued by intrusive thoughts to do inappropriate, rude, immoral, or dangerous things.

I think even mentally healthy people contemplate what it would be like to cross the median on the freeway, but it's once in a blue moon. Not every day.

I'm not saying I contemplate exiting via a murder-suicidal car crash every day because I don't, but thoughts like that or the urge to be inexplicably rude or say something inappropriate cross my mind multiple times a day now.

So far, I haven't acted upon any of these impulses, but I'm wondering if it's related to the fact that I'm going to die soon. Maybe I just DGAF anymore.

Also, here's a neat Wikipedia article on a relevant concept - the Imp of the Perverse: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Imp_of_the_Perverse

Can anyone else relate?

 

[GrumpyFrog]

Wow, thanks for sharing the article. Now I know that there's a fancy name for the "I did the dumb thing because I can" syndrom, that has hit me hard recently.
For me, suicidal ideation definitely comes with an inexplicable pull to do bad things. I do not have a desire to hurt anyone, beyond maybe cussing out a couple of people, but I do feel compelled to drink excessively, do drugs, make sexual moves on people I'm not even interested in, share personal information I really shouldn't be sharing with random people etc. Not only do I have this urge, I have already acted upon it repeatedly. I guess these desires were always there, at least for me, they were just repressed by the fear of consequences and when I've hit the rock bottom and seriously began to prepare for ending it all, most repercussions and restrictions simply became irrelevant and now it's suddenly the "get really drunk and talk to a taken guy about your sexual fetishes for no reason" day everyday.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

Quite often actually. Have a lot of animosity towards my past and in a way, I feel doing such things would help both reinforce how I see myself and push away the few people who still care for me simultaneously. Only thing that stops me is I don't want to hurt anyone. Had enough of that done to me in my life so I don't want that to happen to others. Still, the urge to do something horrible so as to tell everyone, "See what your fuckers drove me to?!?!?" is a hard one to resist. Might even end up doing something like that in the end....who knows....

 

[signifying nothing]

I'd call it progress. Your mind is open to considering things it wasn't before, the social and moral constraints that were once your mental boundaries are loosening.

 

[FuneralCry]

I think these types of thoughts are related to suicide in a way, as we know that nothing really matters as we are going to die soon. If there was consequences we wouldn't be alive to experience them. Maybe it's also because we are experiencing mental pain and these types of thoughts are our way of trying to relieve ourselves from it. I guess we really have no control over our thoughts.

 

[WornOutLife]

Yeah, I used to have some thoughts like those when I finally lost of all my friends last year.
Now, I don't have them so much but still, I just wanna ctb and be at peace! No ties in this goddamn world!

 

[motel rooms]

I'm not saying I contemplate exiting via a murder-suicidal car crash every day because I don't, but thoughts like that or the urge to be inexplicably rude or say something inappropriate cross my mind multiple times a day now.

So far, I haven't acted upon any of these impulses, but I'm wondering if it's related to the fact that I'm going to die soon.

Acting upon those impulses is what has kept me alive for 40 years, baby! I don't attack innocent people, but assholes beware!

 

[Celerity]

Acting upon those impulses is what has kept me alive for 40 years, baby! I don't attack innocent people, but assholes beware!

I probably need a little more spontaneity in my life, lol, so maybe I'll take a page out of your book.