Venting I'm Weak

[Rue89]

I've called myself a coward for letting my SI get the better of me in the past, but now I think a better word for me is "weak."

Weak because anxiety, the main reason I need to ctb, is also what has stopped me in the past.
Weak because I wasn't strong enough get over my anxiety just long enough to do this one last thing for myself.
I think that I'm stronger, and more comfortable with the SN method now, months later, enough to get over it.
I think all the knowledge I've learned about SN over the months has helped. I really believe that, while it's still going to be hard as hell, I can overcome my SI now.

I'm also weak when it comes to my life in general. Weak because I let my anxiety control my life, weak because I can't work and I'm a burden on my mom,
weak because I let every little thing get to me, weak because I can't help but take everything personally and overreact to everything.
I'm too weak and too thin skinned for this world.

 

[Lilacmoon]

-big hug and love-
no matter how weak you say you are, i'll always love you <3

 

[Meditation guide]

I've called myself a coward for letting my SI get the better of me in the past, but now I think a better word for me is "weak."

Weak because anxiety, the main reason I need to ctb, is also what has stopped me in the past.
Weak because I wasn't strong enough get over my anxiety just long enough to do this one last thing for myself.
I think that I'm stronger, and more comfortable with the SN method now, months later, enough to get over it.
I think all the knowledge I've learned about SN over the months has helped. I really believe that, while it's still going to be hard as hell, I can overcome my SI now.

I'm also weak when it comes to my life in general. Weak because I let my anxiety control my life, weak because I can't work and I'm a burden on my mom,
weak because I let every little thing get to me, weak because I can't help but take everything personally and overreact to everything.
I'm too weak and too thin skinned for this world.

It's hard to hear you beating yourself up over just being human. I'm scared to death of this whole thing and not ashamed to admit it. It's not weakness. It's normal for most of us. It IS hard. It's so hard I may not ever be able to do and and will live to regret not doing it. But I will never call myself weak.

And having some mental health problems is not weak either. It's just human nature and so common it should almost be considered normal.

 

[Disappointered]

Did I read somewhere that you've had to undergo several brain surgeries? If so that's not what most people's conditions are like. You're in a harder situation than most people and yet you always blame yourself. It doesn't sound like you need to blame yourself at all and I agree with other posters that having difficulty in catching the bus does not make you any weaker than the vast majority of the population.

 

[Ghost2211]

You're not weak for having anxiety, You're strong for enduring it. You're not weak for having SI, you're human. None of this is easy, and none of us are strong or weak for how we handle it.

 

[x~Sophia~x]

Who said you're a burden on your mum? Has it been said, or is that your perception?

 

[Rue89]

Who said you're a burden on your mum? Has it been said, or is that your perception?

Nobody has said that to me, but I'm 24 and still living at home. Because of my anxiety I can't work, can't drive, can't even do little things like cooking or making phone calls. While my mom hasn't said anything about me, she has said stuff to me many times about wishing that my brother would move out. He's 2 years younger than me. How can she not be thinking that about me too?

 

[Ghost2211]

Nobody has said that to me, but I'm 24 and still living at home. Because of my anxiety I can't work, can't drive, can't even do little things like cooking or making phone calls. While my mom hasn't said anything about me, she has said stuff to me many times about wishing that my brother would move out. He's 2 years younger than me. How can she not be thinking that about me too?

Because your anxiety makes you special needs. If I had one child without special needs and one with I would have different expectations.

 

[Rue89]

Did I read somewhere that you've had to undergo several brain surgeries? If so that's not what most people's conditions are like. You're in a harder situation than most people and yet you always blame yourself. It doesn't sound like you need to blame yourself at all and I agree with other posters that having difficulty in catching the bus does not make you any weaker than the vast majority of the population.

Yes I did, but that was when I was a child, the last one about 14 years ago. I feel like that shouldn't affect my life now.

 

[x~Sophia~x]

Nobody has said that to me, but I'm 24 and still living at home. Because of my anxiety I can't work, can't drive, can't even do little things like cooking or making phone calls. While my mom hasn't said anything about me, she has said stuff to me many times about wishing that my brother would move out. He's 2 years younger than me. How can she not be thinking that about me too?

Your mom knows that you can't live on your own just yet, you need her support for a bit longer.

If your brother has a job and can be self sufficient, then at the age of 22, he's old enough to get his own place.

Yes I did, but that was when I was a child, the last one about 14 years ago. I feel like that shouldn't affect my life now.

Maybe you should speak to your GP and ask them if your brain surgeries will affect you still and maybe for the rest of your life?

 

[Disappointered]

Yes I did, but that was when I was a child, the last one about 14 years ago. I feel like that shouldn't affect my life now.

It could still affect you since it affected your childhood.

 

[iftheworldwasending]

you are NOT weak. whatsoever. it definitely takes a lot to CTB, but it also takes a lot to continue to live.
if no one has told you recently, i'm proud of you. <3

 

[TooConscious]

I believe in some cases 'mine' the mind and body has set to self destruct but it can't relieve the SI so it uses all its strength to be weak.
Im so weak and pathetic it's as if it's an act.

 

[muffin222]

I'm sorry you feel so down on yourself, but I understand. You're not weak- just a human being with fragilities, issues, and intricacies, as we all are. Some of our issues impact us more than they might impact other people in the same situation, but it doesn't make us weak, just different.

 

[botanormal]

I feel the exact same way. Anxiety is exhausting, and I'm sorry you have to experience it. I think anxiety has a way of making you feel truly worthless and weak, but you're anything but that. Trying to find peace in any way is a difficult task, and it takes a lot of courage to navigate through it. This world is a harsh place, you're not weak for noticing that. Wishing you all the best