Venting I'm wasting SO MUCH FUCKING TIME

[ALittleBurden]

On day to day basis I'm going to school and I always bitch about how much I hate it, how exhausted it makes me, and how, if I had more free time, I could do a lot of cool creative things. Well, in here we have a holiday break in the end of December and a winter break that appears differently depending on the year and part of the country. This year they happened to be one after another so I had 5 FREE WEEKS in total... The last week has just begun AND I HAVEN'T DONE ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING I WAS TELLING MYSELF I'LL DO. NOTHING, NULL, NONE. What I did tho was feeling like shit, having my physical condition rotting even more than before (which was already shamefully trashy), and making new fucking high scores in crying. I'm so goddamn joyful to see that working my ass off in school I hate (to be fair, I'd hate any school) doesn't keep me from doing creative, productive and fulfilling things, but from getting physically and mentally dilapidated. Woohoo! To make things better, I was supposed to do a lot of work for school throughout that break, but - surprise, surprise - I haven't done anything. So now I gotta spend this last week drugged up and drunk (I nailed the drunk part already, so I guess I'm making progress), even tho I hate it, because I won't get anything of this done if I'm sober. Ugh, why am I like this...? In summary:
I'M PISSED, I HATE MYSELF, I HATE THAT FUCKING LIFE, AND I CAN'T WAIT TILL THIS'LL ALL BE FUCKING OVER.
Anyway, I hope y'all doing alright too, have a cool week.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

It's hard for anyone to motivate when they're depressed so don't be too hard on yourself. You've still got a little bit of time left to salvage so it's not a total wash.

What types of creative things do you enjoy? Sometimes you just need that little extra push to get motivated even when it's something you enjoy.

 

[TAW122]

I'm sorry to hear about your struggles. I too had times where I am not really productive and hated myself even more for not getting the stuff I need to get done, done. Sometimes, you do need that "spark" to start one activity and then enough fuel to keep going. My suggestion would be to start with something that you like (or hate the least) and when you get that going, try to keep the momentum going and you will at least get some things done.

 

[Final Escape]

On day to day basis I'm going to school and I always bitch about how much I hate it, how exhausted it makes me, and how, if I had more free time, I could do a lot of cool creative things. Well, in here we have a holiday break in the end of December and a winter break that appears differently depending on the year and part of the country. This year they happened to be one after another so I had 5 FREE WEEKS in total... The last week has just begun AND I HAVEN'T DONE ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING I WAS TELLING MYSELF I'LL DO. NOTHING, NULL, NONE. What I did tho was feeling like shit, having my physical condition rotting even more than before (which was already shamefully trashy), and making new fucking high scores in crying. I'm so goddamn joyful to see that working my ass off in school I hate (to be fair, I'd hate any school) doesn't keep me from doing creative, productive and fulfilling things, but from getting physically and mentally dilapidated. Woohoo! To make things better, I was supposed to do a lot of work for school throughout that break, but - surprise, surprise - I haven't done anything. So now I gotta spend this last week drugged up and drunk (I nailed the drunk part already, so I guess I'm making progress), even tho I hate it, because I won't get anything of this done if I'm sober. Ugh, why am I like this...? In summary:
I'M PISSED, I HATE MYSELF, I HATE THAT FUCKING LIFE, AND I CAN'T WAIT TILL THIS'LL ALL BE FUCKING OVER.
Anyway, I hope y'all doing alright too, have a cool week.

If I were u I would quit school, bc it's making u suicidal so not worth it. Yea yea I know ure invested but damn. It's bc u shouldn't be there. College mostly waste now anyways, only to end up in debt and worthless degree. Hopefully u aren't in a worthless degree or getting one I mean. Sounds like ure a creative anyway which makes school even more torturous.

 

[ALittleBurden]

Thank you all for support, folks, that's very much appreciated.

What types of creative things do you enjoy? Sometimes you just need that little extra push to get motivated even when it's something you enjoy.

I've used to be an artistic person, but now I don't really see a point in making anything that doesn't have a really practical use. I guess I only find creative things pleasant when I can't do them - the grass is always greener on the other side, haha!

I'm sorry to hear about your struggles. I too had times where I am not really productive and hated myself even more for not getting the stuff I need to get done, done. Sometimes, you do need that "spark" to start one activity and then enough fuel to keep going. My suggestion would be to start with something that you like (or hate the least) and when you get that going, try to keep the momentum going and you will at least get some things done.

That's a very good point. I also try to tell myself that sometimes getting just some things done is already an achievement; so if one couldn't do everything as expected, even when others see it as a failure, it's already worth a celebration. Hopefully you, as well as others in this thread, will find this perspective useful.

If I were u I would quit school, bc it's making u suicidal so not worth it. Yea yea I know ure invested but damn. It's bc u shouldn't be there. College mostly waste now anyways, only to end up in debt and worthless degree. Hopefully u aren't in a worthless degree or getting one I mean. Sounds like ure a creative anyway which makes school even more torturous.

I appreciate your concern, and yeah, unfortunately that's true how little degrees can mean for a really high price.
Personally, I'm currently in a different situation - I'm still in high school, having some significant time to go, and hoping I won't get to graduate. If I were to keep living, though, I could be under family's pressure to go to college, but hopefully there would be a way to avoid any worthless effort. It is something I'll keep in mind!