Im very suicidal and would have done it long ago had i had a gun or easy method but i feel sad about dying, does it mean im not really suicidal?

[HermitLonerGuy]

I really wana die as theres many reasons and i think logically non existence is the best option for me.

I suffer in many ways and think and fantasize about ending it everyday.

I plan for it to be done by december.

But at times i feel scared, regretful , sad etc.

Is this normal for a suicidal person?

 

[mrselfdestruct]

I think it's normal. Although I'm also ready to go, I often have an overwhelming sense of grief for what I'm going to lose when that does happen. Good luck in wherever life takes you.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Firstly, I'm sorry life has brought you here. I would say it's quite common for people to have all sorts of thoughts around ending it. I think it's one of the reasons I am so grateful a site like this exists- to be able to express those ideas freely with other like-minded people.

I'm the same as you- in that I have had suicidal ideation for the majority of my life. (Started aged 10. Now 42). For me, there have been family members who I felt I had to hang on for- which is the main reason I'm still here.

I also feel sad and very afraid about it at times- even though I do genuinely feel like it's what I want. Personally I feel like I will know when if/ when it's my time and I feel everyone else will also. I've noticed there's quite often a certain calmness when people are finally going through with it. I wish you all the best.

 

[SunshineAndSuicide]

I think it is completely normal to have mixed emotions. I always cry when I think about my suicide in detail. I think it's kind off a mournful feeling of what life could have been and a sadness that things didn't work out well.

 

[FuneralCry]

Everyone has different emotions associated with the thought of dying. It doesn't in any way mean that you are less suicidal. As humans we all experience life differently after all. What is 'normal' is subjective, it depends on the individual, we all have our own normal.

But yes, non existence is the most logical option, it's certainly more rational to want to cease to exist rather than continue to suffer with the chance of life torturing us even more at any moment, but after all, we are all programmed to survive as humans and it's difficult to let go of our negative emotions and feel calm about it all. Dying is not always easy even know more than anything I wish that it is.

 

[FuneralGrey]

I think what you're describing is normal. In any case, whatever your experience of suicidality is, it is valid.

I think it's really hard for most of us to really wrap our heads around what it means to be dead. Can the brain accurately conceptualize its own non-existence?

Sometimes, I think about what life was like when I was 5. It wasn't idyllic, no, but that 5-year-old had so much hope and joy and dreams for the future. When I think about taking away a future from that child, I feel sad. But I also know that life has taken me down a path that means I'm unlikely to ever experience meaning and fulfillment for a significant amount of time. You're allowed to feel whatever it is you are feeling. You absolutely can, and arguably should, grieve the life you're giving up, the future you won't have. To me, it means you're taking the time to really think through, realistically, what you're doing, and that you'll be all the more prepared if and when your time comes.

 

[HermitLonerGuy]

an the brain accurately conceptualize its own non-existence?

i dont think so, id say the closest experience we can have is being under heavy Anasteshia .