HarmonicScreams
They/them
- Apr 30, 2023
- 24
I don't feel like I am worth anything. I'm like the silly plaything your grandmother gave you for Christmas, just to be forgotten about when summer comes. I can lure people in, I can catch their eye, but eventually I get placed in the bin - along with every other miscellaneous object.
I guess I don't really care about being valued by society, but I just needed 1 person who can see behind the mask, see how I operate, and stick around anyway. I just want to be loved by someone I love.
I could get a nice job, have some nice sex, take drugs, kill myself, do whatever etc., but I'm never going to find love. And without love, everything else seems pointless. Sometimes I wonder if people who are in relationships actually love each other. Do they really know who the person is or do they just like the image of them? Because in my experience, it's when I finally let my mask down when people flee -how hideous of a creature I must be. Maybe I don't really love the people I think I love; because, maybe they weren't who I thought they were. I feel like a puppet around a bunch of puppets, and the character I am playing sucks, apparently. It's not like I even get to choose the character either. I wouldn't mind playing along, and acting, if the show's script was even fucking interesting.
It feels like good things are just pink clouds, they eventually dissipate as the imaginary things they are. And the grandest pink clouds rain the most. I can't even get excited by good things because I know I'm just going to be beaten down - again and again, time after time after time after time....
So, I ask myself - why not breathe the water? You've been breathing air for too long.
I guess I don't really care about being valued by society, but I just needed 1 person who can see behind the mask, see how I operate, and stick around anyway. I just want to be loved by someone I love.
I could get a nice job, have some nice sex, take drugs, kill myself, do whatever etc., but I'm never going to find love. And without love, everything else seems pointless. Sometimes I wonder if people who are in relationships actually love each other. Do they really know who the person is or do they just like the image of them? Because in my experience, it's when I finally let my mask down when people flee -how hideous of a creature I must be. Maybe I don't really love the people I think I love; because, maybe they weren't who I thought they were. I feel like a puppet around a bunch of puppets, and the character I am playing sucks, apparently. It's not like I even get to choose the character either. I wouldn't mind playing along, and acting, if the show's script was even fucking interesting.
It feels like good things are just pink clouds, they eventually dissipate as the imaginary things they are. And the grandest pink clouds rain the most. I can't even get excited by good things because I know I'm just going to be beaten down - again and again, time after time after time after time....
So, I ask myself - why not breathe the water? You've been breathing air for too long.
