Venting I’m too scared to die BUT

[tired of living]

I hate living like this, I hate being obsessed with how I look, I hate spending all my time alive trying to lose weight just to gain it back, I hate being in pain physically all the time, I hate having feelings for some guy, I hate how I'm not as masculine as I should be, I hate not being good at anything, I hate being so young but so old at the same time, I hate constantly wanting to die, I hate having the smallest things send me into crisis mode, I hate having ocd focused on dying and self harm, I hate everything

I'm so tired of myself and everything that I am, but at the same time I know I'm too weak to end it.

 

[forgotten15]

I am sorry you are suffering. Life can be extremely cruel and tiring. Also, people being such egoistic shits doesn't help at all.
I understand how you feel about ctb-ing, i have been suicidal since I was a child and am still here at 30 years old. It is very hard overcoming SI and taking your own life is alway a hard decision not matter how big is your pain. I am afraid of death also, but I know I must overcome this feeling because there is nothing here for me, just suffering and depression.
I hope you find peace

 

[healthrecovery]

I hate living like this, I hate being obsessed with how I look, I hate spending all my time alive trying to lose weight just to gain it back, I hate being in pain physically all the time, I hate having feelings for some guy, I hate how I'm not as masculine as I should be, I hate not being good at anything, I hate being so young but so old at the same time, I hate constantly wanting to die, I hate having the smallest things send me into crisis mode, I hate having ocd focused on dying and self harm, I hate everything

I'm so tired of myself and everything that I am, but at the same time I know I'm too weak to end it

binge watch some netflix series maybe smoke weed ...distract yourself 24/7 for an entire year doing stuff like this
After one year go out in the woods listen to some audiobooks and meditate a bit..go swimming and do some stuff in general
CTB is serious business...even the most suffering people have trouble ctb

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand it is hard to carry on when you are suffering so much. Suicide is very difficult after all, if it was easier I would already be gone. In a way it is like being trapped, wanting to die yet being unable to end it. I wish there was an option to just disappear and be free from existence. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

 

[LADY007]

I hate living like this, I hate being obsessed with how I look, I hate spending all my time alive trying to lose weight just to gain it back, I hate being in pain physically all the time, I hate having feelings for some guy, I hate how I'm not as masculine as I should be, I hate not being good at anything, I hate being so young but so old at the same time, I hate constantly wanting to die, I hate having the smallest things send me into crisis mode, I hate having ocd focused on dying and self harm, I hate everything

I'm so tired of myself and everything that I am, but at the same time I know I'm too weak to end it.

Many of us certainly understand part or all of what you said. Just the keto vs no keto is enough to drive one nuts if neither works (happened to me) Wish we could meet an hug. Raises endorphins for a temporary lift. Hope you can find some peace.