Help I’m thinking of coming out as bi.

[Circles]

I'm just so tired of holding it all in that it's becoming one of my main reasons why I'm suicidal. I know some people can't understand this and how severe it can feel, but I feel so conflicted that I feel like I'm about to vomit. I just texted my sister and asked her if I can talk to her about things and I'm nervous as hell. I feel like I might be making a big mistake doing this but I'm at a point I need this off my chest. I just hope she won't judge me or hate me or worse tell our mom, but I swear. I don't know what else to do at this point. I'm fucking tired of holding it all in. Fuck. What should I do? Am I making the right decision? I feel so numb now.

 

[Kennish]

Do it. The people who are true will be there for you

 

[Blue_mist]

You can do it whatever the outcomes are.
5 years ago i left my family, my life, and everything i owned and came to Canada as LGBTQ2 refugee. I lost alot but i don't regret it. At least I don't have to fake my sexual orientation and act all the time.

 

[Circles]

You can do it whatever the outcomes are.
5 years ago i left my family, my life, and everything i owned and came to Canada as LGBTQ2 refugee. I lost alot but i don't regret it. At least I don't have to fake my sexual orientation and act all the time.

But that's the thing I don't have those types of options in worst case scenarios. If this backfires I have no where to go. I'll have to kill myself. I'm going to do it. I'm just scared that I'll have no options left.

 

[samsaragothands]

honestly, i would only do it if i knew for a fact that they wouldn't react severely. it's hard not telling the people closest to you about things that are important to you, but it's often not worth living with your family and their scrutiny if they're not accepting. is there anyone in your life who does know?

 

[Blue_mist]

But that's the thing I don't have those types of options in worst case scenarios. If this backfires I have no where to go. I'll have to kill myself. I'm going to do it. I'm just scared that I'll have no options left.

It depends on where you live, if you live in a free country and you are protected by the law, there is nothing to be worried about. Otherwise, don't come out as this might have negative effect on you.

 

[Circles]

honestly, i would only do it if i knew for a fact that they wouldn't react severely. it's hard not telling the people closest to you about things that are important to you, but it's often not worth living with your family and their scrutiny if they're not accepting. at that point, it works better to tell them when you're older and more independent and wouldn't be as affected. is there anyone in your life who does know?

No one knows. I think my sister kinda always had a hint cause there were things that stood out over the years so that's why I want to tell her first. I'm taking a big risk, but at 27 years old and the years piling on I can't let this eat me up inside for anymore years to come. If I have to kill myself over this then so be it. I just need this off my chest so fucking badly.

It depends on where you live, if you live in a free country and you are protected by the law, there is nothing to be worried about. Otherwise, don't come out as this might have negative effect on you.

I live in the US, but live in a conservative state and have a mostly conservative family. Worse thing I think will happen is that I become homeless and get shunned by my family. But I already don't talk to my grandfather or brother anymore, so the real person I'm worried about is my mom who I live with.

 

[GentlyFading]

I wanna say thank you for caring for yourself and reaching out to someone to get it off your chest.

That being said please don't risk your own safety! I know a lot of popular culture frames coming out as then end all and be all of queerness. Please prioritize your safety and wellbeing and don't come out if there is risk of you losing housing, financial, and social support. Also you don't have to share with anyone what you don't want. My parents don't know I've been dating my "best friend of two years" nor do my coworkers. It's not worth the potential BS and I don't see it as much of a loss. All I need is a bunch queer friends and we're good.

I hope this turns out okay with your sister. Keep us posted! <3

 

[samsaragothands]

No one knows. I think my sister kinda always had a hint cause there were things that stood out over the years so that's why I want to tell her first. I'm taking a big risk, but at 27 years old and the years piling on I can't let this eat me up inside for anymore years to come. If I have to kill myself over this then so be it. I just need this off my chest so fucking badly.

that makes sense. i think it would really help you if you knew people you know would support you no matter what/have been in similar situations so that you'll feel a little more anchored before and after you decide to tell your sister. there's several discord groups that can help you handle things like this since there are lots and lots of people that have navigated this situation before: https://disboard.org/servers/tag/coming-out

 

[Crazy4u]

We are here for you nothing to be ashamed of. Please keep us posted. I hope it goes well

 

[demuic]

Do you have any idea how she will react? How does she feel about such things generally? You could start by asking something like that.

You could ask things as hypothetical, maybe that will give some plausible deniability and you can backtrack if there's bad reaction. "What would you do if a family member came out to you?" Etc.

There's no obligation to tell anyone, and there's no shame in keeping your sexuality private. However I understand keeping a secret can weigh heavily on someone. I hope you don't feel pressured. Are you only conflicted due to the potential for negative consequences?

Good luck and I hope things go well.

 

[Circles]

She's still not here and I'm already losing the motivation to confess. It's like I had this brief window where I wanted to finally do this but now my doubts are getting the best of me and the harsh reality kicks back in.

 

[OrcWitch]

Good luck.

 

[little helpers]

admittedly I'm not the best person to give advice but at least I can tell you how I fucked it up. you don't want a suicide-ish come-out. you don't. if you know your sister supports LGBT rights that's a different issue. but before you are sure of that, baby-feed her information bit by bit. sure we're still the same person, but to them it's not. they hold a cishet image of you, a normalized version of how everyone is "supposed" to be, and a rushed come-out, for them, is analogous to suicide or murder.

I know it's painful. HS friend still in the closet. but my mom attacking me for six months is even worse. everyday I woke up and she got a problem with me. cuz I didn't care. she already hate me so let's just come out! no. bad idea. too bad I didn't know better.

coming out to family is always a process. pretty sure you already heard of that. and I think it's quite the truth. even though I came out like suicide-bombing it still took much time, much *more* time I should say, before others understood what I even meant. they go through a phase. so yeah. wish you the best of luck and consider this well. take care.

 

[Circles]

I did it. I finally did it. I told my mom. She's okay with it and accepts me. I finally got this off my chest. Holy fuck my nerves are killing me.

THANK YOU to those in this thread for your support.

 

[summers]

@Circles glad it worked out for you. It's funny that I have no problem telling a stranger I'm bi (if it comes up - I don't go around announcing it) but only one of my brothers know.