I’m struggling, how do I carry on from this

[Pryras]

I don't know what I need or really how to heal from this but long story short, I was intimate with a once close friend and i was intoxicated and can't remember a thing. We have kissed and all before without having sex so I wasn't that upset when I woke up in the morning.

It's been over 5 months now, I've tried speaking to him about it but all I get is "I didn't do anything and you wanted all this to happen" so I'm having a hard time bc obviously I'm not okay with it or what happened. He will never admit to it and I'll continue feeling like garbage because of it.

What can I do...it's hurting me a lot and I can't see any other path but ending my life. I can't cope with it

 

[pole]

sorry about what you went through.

i honestly think you need to find answers to the questions you ask yourself, in regards to this matter and what happened. and only then will you find some peace of mind. it isn't fair for you to be forced to move on and brush this aside, as if it's nothing.

"I didn't do anything and you wanted all this to happen".

a person doesn't need to continously justify their potential wrongdoing by defending themselves. if nothing happened, they'd understand where you were coming from, and try and resolve the matter. instead, this person chooses to rush to his own defense, and deflects the attention from himself to you. clearly something happened, and he's definitely afraid. and you it isn't you're fault at all, nor did you ask for it. that's a pathetic defence for abusers and offenders in general, who deflect the blame onto victims and victimize a person who's endured some sort of pain.

no matter what he says, HE'S INVOLVED. and he knows he is. you say he won't admit to it, etc; but anyone, under the circumstances of getting caught and under the heat, will admit to their wrongdoings. It'll haunt him regardless, but you need more than that.

i believe you should bring attention to this matter, instead of solely keeping it to yourself; find the appropriate people who can help you with this matter and to help give you the answers you seek, cause you won't find peace nor have a peace of mind without having those answers.

not sure where you live, but maybe talking to someone at a potential non-profit organization; a place where people advocate for people such as yourself to come forward and speak their stories and potential unresolved trauma, in an effort to help find answers and be there for you. there's plenty of them across North America, it honestly just boils down to having the strength and courage to voice you're matter. and acknowledging you won't find peace or be able to completely move on, until you find the answers you seek.

take care.

 

[Pryras]

sorry about what you went through.

i honestly think you need to find answers to the questions you ask yourself, in regards to this matter and what happened. and only then will you find some peace of mind. it isn't fair for you to be forced to move on and brush this aside, as if it's nothing.

"I didn't do anything and you wanted all this to happen".

a person doesn't need to continously justify their potential wrongdoing by defending themselves. if nothing happened, they'd understand where you were coming from, and try and resolve the matter. instead, this person chooses to rush to his own defense, and deflects the attention from himself to you. clearly something happened, and he's definitely afraid. and you it isn't you're fault at all, nor did you ask for it. that's a pathetic defence for abusers and offenders in general, who deflect the blame onto victims and victimize a person who's endured some sort of pain.

no matter what he says, HE'S INVOLVED. and he knows he is. you say he won't admit to it, etc; but anyone, under the circumstances of getting caught and under the heat, will admit to their wrongdoings. It'll haunt him regardless, but you need more than that.

i believe you should bring attention to this matter, instead of solely keeping it to yourself; find the appropriate people who can help you with this matter and to help give you the answers you seek, cause you won't find peace nor have a peace of mind without having those answers.

not sure where you live, but maybe talking to someone at a potential non-profit organization; a place where people advocate for people such as yourself to come forward and speak their stories and potential unresolved trauma, in an effort to help find answers and be there for you. there's plenty of them across North America, it honestly just boils down to having the strength and courage to voice you're matter. and acknowledging you won't find peace or be able to completely move on, until you find the answers you seek.

take care.

I always appreciate your answers. Thank you and I will follow your advice and talk to some helpful resources in town to try and find some help in the healing process

 

[autumnal]

I would recommend you speak to a therapist specialising in sexual assault as a first step. You can probably get a referral to one through your local rape crisis hotline or similar service. The separate option to report the matter to police is a serious one that has pros and cons and only you can weigh these up. So starting with a therapist to help get this clear in your head would be a good, cautious first step before doing anything official.

 

[Pryras]

I would recommend you speak to a therapist specialising in sexual assault as a first step. You can probably get a referral to one through your local rape crisis hotline or similar service. The separate option to report the matter to police is a serious one that has pros and cons and only you can weigh these up. So starting with a therapist to help get this clear in your head would be a good, cautious first step before doing anything official.

Yeah I'm definitely considered making a report but I'm worried about the process since it can be traumatic to relive everything over again. He will never admit to any wrong doing since I consented to other things. Apparently that's a greenlight for everything. If he just apologized without invalidating me I would feel somewhat okay.

We are out of each other's lives and I've approached him 3 times about this over the 5 months...no avail

 

[autumnal]

Yeah I'm definitely considered making a report but I'm worried about the process since it can be traumatic to relive everything over again. He will never admit to any wrong doing since I consented to other things. Apparently that's a greenlight for everything. If he just apologized without invalidating me I would feel somewhat okay.

We are out of each other's lives and I've approached him 3 times about this over the 5 months...no avail

Yes, a therapist with particular experience in sexual assault can help you weigh up all of the factors involved, and will have honest and accurate insight into all steps of the process.

 

[Pryras]

Yes, a therapist with particular experience in sexual assault can help you weigh up all of the factors involved, and will have honest and accurate insight into all steps of the process.

Called one today and we're looking at my options, it's nice being validated and I got that even if it wasn't from him. I might make an anonymous report so it's on file if he ever does it again but I'm still thinking about it. I think all I wanted was for him to say "yes It happened, and I'm sorry" but it's not something that possible since we've distanced ourselves and I've already tried numerous times. He has a girlfriend now and they're both happy from what I hear...SUCKS being the learning curve for a dysfunctional mans growth and accepting being collateral damage is soooo difficult.