Venting I'm sorry

[slitwristsbleedcold]

I'm ashamed of my existence, I'm ashamed of who i am, and the people that got, sort of attached to me, i hate myself, for letting it happen

i hate myself, for letting people get close to me, nobody deserves to have me, not because I'm superior, but because I'm not enough, because i might get the impulse and try to hang myself again, and die on a random day, and they'll never know why

because im a terrible human being, I'm sorry, to all of you

 

[knowledgeseeking]

I can't imagine that is true at all. You are enough. You have big feelings and clearly care about others. Sometimes empathy can feel like a curse and big burden. Sometimes stepping away from our people can be a good and productive thing. Taking time alone to work ourselves, search for your path and recenter. That can be what we need to be able to show up for ourselves and others.

I am very sorry for your pain.

 

[Kadaver]

I also feel like I don't deserve anyone; like I'm not good enough. No one should have to constantly worry about me, not when I don't even know if getting better is even in the cards for me. I know that everyone I care about deserves better than me

 

[Forever Sleep]

To an extent, we can't really help who comes into our lives. We're encouraged from a young age to form relationships and frienships. We are dumped in the social circles of family, school and work.

That's partly why I'm anti-natilist I suppose. I don't think it's fair to create a sentient being here who- as well as needing others themselves, will also become pivotal to other people's lives.

Parents in particular create a codependent relationship when they bring us here. Not only do their actions deeply affect us but, our actions can destroy them. Where is the freedom when we are beholden and crucial to others from the start? I don't think it's a fair expectation to have to bear to begin with.

I do understand the guilt though. It's what's trapped me here for decades.