I'm sorry. I'm such a failure.

[sadworld]

I hate myself so fucking much. I was supposed to ctb yesterday. I made my goodbye thread, took all my meds and 15 minutes before I should have taken my SN my brain suddenly told me not to do it. I began being scared, i was freezing, I didn't want to die. It didn't make any sense. I planned this for months and I was 100% sure I would ctb... I'm so sorry everyone. I'm so fucking sorry for making my goodbye thread and telling you I'll ctb. I was 100% sure about it but in the last moments everything changed... I feel like a fucking attention whore. I don't deserve to be around you guys. You guys gave me so much love but I'm just such an idiot. I'm going to take a break from this forum for some time until I finally made up my mind if I either want to recover or ctb. The last months I only thought about the moment I'll ctb and never about possible recovery. Maybe it was just the environment because it was cold outside and i was feeling really uncomfortable. I'm totally fine with getting hate posts, I deserve them. I want to give recovery a last chance because apparently I still have hope. If my last try with recovery fails then I'll try to make peace with dying as good as possible. Something like that will never happen again. I'm sorry. I'm a fucking idiot for playing with your emotions. Maybe I just have to suffer forever cause I'm still a fucking 19 year old child.

 

[MiseryLovesMyCompany]

Oh my god I'm so glad you are back that I literally started crying.
It's fine that you couldn't go through with it.
Welcome back.

 

[Lilacmoon]

-hug hug hug- take a break and think about it. take care of yourself. good luck with recovery, maybe you'll make it. you're not an attention whore at all, many people have made goodbye posts and back out. we love you, so take as much time as you need.

 

[Sinkinshyp]

you're not a failure. I am happy you are still here. I'm sure there are people in your life that are happy you are here as well. Seek treatment- meds, therapy, talking to those you need to. I wish you much luck with recovery. I hope you will be a success and find love, happiness and peace here in this world. You are only 19- you're old enough you can change things and grab this world by the ya know balls... much love to you, hugs and I hope you come back and let us know hey I've got a therapist Im going to school I'm going to show this world I am KING!

 

[Bull in a China shop]

Don't ever be sorry, most on here were upset that they didn't have time to say goodbye, so you have made a lot of people happy that you are still here you are no means a failure it just wasn't your time to go xx

 

[antigone_iris]

I'm glad you're here.

 

[sadworld]

you're not a failure. I am happy you are still here. I'm sure there are people in your life that are happy you are here as well. Seek treatment- meds, therapy, talking to those you need to. I wish you much luck with recovery. I hope you will be a success and find love, happiness and peace here in this world. You are only 19- you're old enough you can change things and grab this world by the ya know balls... much love to you, hugs and I hope you come back and let us know hey I've got a therapist Im going to school I'm going to show this world I am KING!

You just made me cry.... I don't know what to say

 

[Sinkinshyp]

You just made me cry.... I don't know what to say

I hope happy tears... if you ever want to talk my box is ALWAYS open. NO more sad tears for you I hope

 

[MiseryLovesMyCompany]

Don't ever be sorry, most on here were upset that they didn't have time to say goodbye, so you have made a lot of people happy that you are still here you are no means a failure it just wasn't your time to go xx

Yup, when I woke up and realized that omg I might be too late I became sad.

 

[sadworld]

I've never cried so much at online posts. I don't know what to say. You guys are all so fucking awesome. I'm probably going to speak with my parents about my suicide attempts. I just hope it's possible to actually receive some good help.

 

[Lilacmoon]

Seriously, good luck. And we're all glad you're still here and giving help another chance.

 

[Bull in a China shop]

I've never cried so much at online posts. I don't know what to say. You guys are all so fucking awesome. I'm probably going to speak with my parents about my suicide attempts. I just hope it's possible to actually receive some good help.

I hope you do, I don't know the pain you are going through but you have parents that love you so that's a start, I hope it works out for you and the the pain you feel right now disappears, at 19 it's your choice what you do but my only advice is try any help if it doesn't work then fuck it you tried.

 

[not4us]

I think everybody on this forum is happy that you are alive and have hope for recovery! We are with you man! Cheers!

 

[sadworld]

I hope you do, I don't know the pain you are going through but you have parents that love you so that's a start, I hope it works out for you and the the pain you feel right now disappears, at 19 it's your choice what you do but my only advice is try any help if it doesn't work then fuck it you tried.

I mean, my parents don't really love me but I hope they can start with loving me after 19 fucking years.

 

[HadEnough1974]

I hate myself so fucking much. I was supposed to ctb yesterday. I made my goodbye thread, took all my meds and 15 minutes before I should have taken my SN my brain suddenly told me not to do it. I began being scared, i was freezing, I didn't want to die. It didn't make any sense. I planned this for months and I was 100% sure I would ctb... I'm so sorry everyone. I'm so fucking sorry for making my goodbye thread and telling you I'll ctb. I was 100% sure about it but in the last moments everything changed... I feel like a fucking attention whore. I don't deserve to be around you guys. You guys gave me so much love but I'm just such an idiot. I'm going to take a break from this forum for some time until I finally made up my mind if I either want to recover or ctb. The last months I only thought about the moment I'll ctb and never about possible recovery. Maybe it was just the environment because it was cold outside and i was feeling really uncomfortable. I'm totally fine with getting hate posts, I deserve them. I want to give recovery a last chance because apparently I still have hope. If my last try with recovery fails then I'll try to make peace with dying as good as possible. Something like that will never happen again. I'm sorry. I'm a fucking idiot for playing with your emotions. Maybe I just have to suffer forever cause I'm still a fucking 19 year old child.

All is good, no need to worry. Glad you're still around. Stick around, no need to walk away in shame, nothing to be ashamed of. Hugs.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

It's totally fine to change your mind. You're doing this for you, not for us, and you're not demanding too much from us by asking us to read some posts. Don't think for a second that you're an 'attention whore' because you changed your mind.

 

[Bull in a China shop]

I mean, my parents don't really love me but I hope they can start with loving me after 19 fucking years.

I thought the same with my mum, I grew up in care and my foster mum only wanted me there for the money, it's shit but stick around for a bit and see hopefully if you open up about your suicide attempt it might change

 

[Meditation guide]

I'm so glad you are alive! You were always so nice to me. It took guts to come back and post this and no one here thinks you are a failure. Please keep posting. Your posts are always the best.

 

[Sinkinshyp]

I mean, my parents don't really love me but I hope they can start with loving me after 19 fucking years.

I'm here because my 25 yr old son died in a car accident 3 yrs ago. His baby brother than turned 18 and moved out to my ex in laws a yr and a half almost to the day his brother died. He ran from me because I was such a basket case Joey died. I'm devastated and beyond repair. Anyway, younger son & I are NOW working on our relationship and when I can afford to I'm going to the other side of the state to stay with him at ex in laws. I LOVE my kids and I am nothing without them. I spent my life being a single mom,

I'm sure your parents love you. If they don't you deserve to find someone who will love you. wanna be my adopted son if your parents can't love you? I'll love you so much you'll ask me to stop loving you so much. I'm glad you will be talking with your parents and I'm going to hope and pray they will get you good help. I am so so happy for you- you did not finish your plan yesterday and you are talking to your parents. Thats a great start to healing. Remeber you're 19 and you can own this world... you can become KING all caps notice? you can make your future anything you want... so many hugs are being sent your way. Much love and I hope your parents realize they have the most precious things on this earth-their son

 

[sadworld]

I'm so glad you are alive! You were always so nice to me. It took guts to come back and post this and no one here thinks you are a failure. Please keep posting. Your posts are always the best.

You are awesome Hopefully I will be able to recover so that I'll be able to post here forever.

I'm here because my 25 yr old son died in a car accident 3 yrs ago. His baby brother than turned 18 and moved out to my ex in laws a yr and a half almost to the day his brother died. He ran from me because I was such a basket case Joey died. I'm devastated and beyond repair. Anyway, younger son & I are NOW working on our relationship and when I can afford to I'm going to the other side of the state to stay with him at ex in laws. I LOVE my kids and I am nothing without them. I spent my life being a single mom,

I'm sure your parents love you. If they don't you deserve to find someone who will love you. wanna be my adopted son if your parents can't love you? I'll love you so much you'll ask me to stop loving you so much. I'm glad you will be talking with your parents and I'm going to hope and pray they will get you good help. I am so so happy for you- you did not finish your plan yesterday and you are talking to your parents. Thats a great start to healing. Remeber you're 19 and you can own this world... you can become KING all caps notice? you can make your future anything you want... so many hugs are being sent your way. Much love and I hope your parents realize they have the most precious things on this earth-their son

Oh... you just made me cry again...

 

[MiseryLovesMyCompany]

I mean, my parents don't really love me but I hope they can start with loving me after 19 fucking years.

Whatever happens we'll love you.

 

[Deleted member 13412]

hiiii i was so sad yesterday whn i missed ur gudbye post, n rn seeing u back makes me smile sm , please always remember SS will always be happy to have u back no matter what happens !!! whether u still wish to die or wish to recover <3 we will always support u !!

 

[TattiQueen]

I am so so so glad to see this post! I was quite sad seeing your thread last night, but still wanted to give support and love to you, either way! No matter what you're decision, there will always be someone here for you, please remember that!! Maybe some of the replies pushed you into that direction. You're loved my darling. Again, sending so soo sooo much love, and the greatest biggest, warmest, tightest, lovingest of all the hugs Gosh my heart is happily skipping so many beats right now

P.S. I'm really really good at listening to people when they need to be heard, or vent. Love to offer help and advice, and listen to those who don't know where they're going right now. XOXOXO My dearest !

 

[sadworld]

I can't believe this... you guys are the nicest people on earth.. i can't stop crying...

 

[Ghost2211]

Yay! Welcome back! Never feel bad about changing your mind. I hope things improve for you, and your family is able to listen. It's good to see you again.

 

[Deleted member 13412]

I can't believe this... you guys are the nicest people on earth.. i can't stop crying...

BIG HUG from ur SS family <3

 

[Cursed4ever]

Big Hug Buddy

 

[Rn110bg101]

I'm glad you feel happy. SI kicking in and making you hesitate happens to the strongest of us, but if it helped you realize you actually want to live then it's great it did.

We're here for you!

 

[TattiQueen]

I can't believe this... you guys are the nicest people on earth.. i can't stop crying...

Let that shit out! I think of it as a cleansing of the soul, that everyone needs once in a while. My perspective is always heavily swayed upon finishing a healthy little sob session.

 

[Silvermorning]

You aren't a failure, the world is.

No need to apologize for the thread, we come to this place to suffer together, to share this burden called life. Make as many threads as you need.

Lots of hugs.