im so tired

[germany]

hi everyone! this is my first post here. i dont really know if i should actually be here, since i often feel like im faking all my pain. i have a generally good life. my parents are together, i attend a good college, i have friends, i love to paint, im an honours student. all anyone can tell me is that i have a bright future and that i will surely do something amazing with my life. but at all times there is a constant message in my head. sometimes its like background music, buzzing but barely intelligible. sometimes its like screaming in my ear, its painful and all i can think of. it tells me i cant stay here, i cant get up tomorrow, i cant. im so tired. i am so perpetually tired.

i want to go back to germany this summer to visit my family. i live in north america with my parents, i have all my life, but my father's family is all in germany. i miss them so much. i miss my cousin more than anything. we are kindred spirits. my excuse for putting off CTB so far has been that i need to go back and see them again, say goodbye one last time. especially him. he worries a lot about me. he has sorta adopted me as his younger sibling. i want to hug him and tell him i love him. but i cant stick around, not anymore. i am so tired. my mother exhausts me. she wants me to be happy like everyone else, but she exhausts me. they all exhaust me. they want me to be a perfect young adult, applying to university and maybe finding a significant other. but i cant do it. i cant stay here. it hurts, every day. i shouldnt feel like this. CTB feels like my only option but i feel like i dont deserve it, i dont have a reason to want it. i am so tired. i am worried that i will feel like this forever and never be able to do anything about it. am i crazy? am i allowed to feel like this?

-germany :)

 

[theguineapigking]

Hello. That certainly can be normal. If you're under lots of stress,so much so that you barely enjoy being alive,because you feel trapped on repeat,it can be very exhausting. Many people have a similar experience as you listed. They struggle in school. They feel pressure to make their parents proud. The kid ends up losing it and struggles to get by.


Do you think that this is primarily what's causing you to feel this way? When you say your mother exhausts you,is this what you mean? Have you tried talking to your parents at all,at least about feeling overwhelmed or sad? Some people see therapists or take meds as well. Meds can increase serotonin in the brain which can help some people.

I'm here if you need to talk some more. My experiences are very different than yours. But I have an open mind and won't judge you.


I wish you the best.

 

[lovemelovemenot]

Helloo! I'll start by saying yes, you're allowed to feel the way you do. Your feelings are valid. Sometimes people are depressed for no reason at all other than being depressed. But it sounds like you have a comfortable life. These thoughts seem to be distracting you from that and truly enjoying what you have, but I know reasons can sometimes be more complicated than what is at the surface. Have you always had these feelings? If you haven't already maybe you could look into therapy, medication, ect? I think one should always try to exhaust all resources possible and dwell on their decision for a long time before going through with it.

 

[Dead beat dad]

hi everyone! this is my first post here. i dont really know if i should actually be here, since i often feel like im faking all my pain. i have a generally good life. my parents are together, i attend a good college, i have friends, i love to paint, im an honours student. all anyone can tell me is that i have a bright future and that i will surely do something amazing with my life. but at all times there is a constant message in my head. sometimes its like background music, buzzing but barely intelligible. sometimes its like screaming in my ear, its painful and all i can think of. it tells me i cant stay here, i cant get up tomorrow, i cant. im so tired. i am so perpetually tired.

i want to go back to germany this summer to visit my family. i live in north america with my parents, i have all my life, but my father's family is all in germany. i miss them so much. i miss my cousin more than anything. we are kindred spirits. my excuse for putting off CTB so far has been that i need to go back and see them again, say goodbye one last time. especially him. he worries a lot about me. he has sorta adopted me as his younger sibling. i want to hug him and tell him i love him. but i cant stick around, not anymore. i am so tired. my mother exhausts me. she wants me to be happy like everyone else, but she exhausts me. they all exhaust me. they want me to be a perfect young adult, applying to university and maybe finding a significant other. but i cant do it. i cant stay here. it hurts, every day. i shouldnt feel like this. CTB feels like my only option but i feel like i dont deserve it, i dont have a reason to want it. i am so tired. i am worried that i will feel like this forever and never be able to do anything about it. am i crazy? am i allowed to feel like this?

-germany :)

Hello friend, I feel your pain with the tiredness. I can relate to a lot of your story in respect of having a 'good life'... At least on paper.
A psychiatrist once said to me that dealing with depression, depressive circumstances and environments was draining... Like it sucks away your emotional bandwidth leaving you emotionally exhausted, which in turn makes you physically exhausted.
The pain of chronic tiredness is awful and I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through.
Have you spoken to anyone with any professional skills about how you feel? Maybe getting back to Germany, having a break and seeing family might be a breath of fresh air, if you approach it with the right perspective (easy for me to say I know)
I'm so sorry for you pain brother and I sincerely hope that you can find some light in this darkness.
DBD

 

[Hopeindeath!]

Welcome, I'm sorry you are so tired, and want to CTB. I hope when you go to Germany, and see your cousin everything will be better for you.