Every day in my life seems to just get worse and worse, actively looking for friends in person and online but everyone i think is a real friend just everyone just either i get along with mostly and the things i dont get along with they are hyper sensitive about and yell at me for mentioning, so i cant be fully honest or open with my friends. Been through many abusive irl and online relationships where i genuinely love them but they use me as an object or for money when i barely have anything to give. i give everyone around me as much as i can when they tell me they need something... they need food? ok ill get u something to eat.. u need comfort? ok dm me or come over ill give u comfort and be here to listen to u.. but nobody ever has done the same for me, 21 years of abuse, neglect and being used from everyone around me, even my family... i cut my wrists every night but im too scared to cut deep... i live near a train station but im too scared to jump... i get high daily to help numb the pain but all the intrusive thoughts get louder and louder while high and alcohol i dont like the taste of so i cant get drunk to help with the pain.. i dont know what to do, i currently have a very loving partner but my depression is driving me to snap at him often and its breaking us apart... i dont know what is left for me.. my family isnt here for me, i have no friends and only a boyfriend over 2k miles away... i wanna end it all..
i live near a bunch of places where drug use is heavy, especially fentynal.. i feel like thats my only way out of the pain, i barely make enough from my jobs to afford rent, i dont have any support, im disabled mentally and physically yet ssdi wont even accept me.. im fucked in every way possible.
Does anyone know if dying from fentynal will be painful because this world is way too much for me to handle... 21 years on this world is enough for me and i cant take it anymore, i had a good childhood but after turning 13 everything went downhill, all my family members who cared slowly started dying around me, my 2 childhood dogs both passed.. my ESA chihuahua was hit by a car in front of my house and exploded from the impact in front of me. i cant deal with this no more... please can someone help me.
i live near a bunch of places where drug use is heavy, especially fentynal.. i feel like thats my only way out of the pain, i barely make enough from my jobs to afford rent, i dont have any support, im disabled mentally and physically yet ssdi wont even accept me.. im fucked in every way possible.
Does anyone know if dying from fentynal will be painful because this world is way too much for me to handle... 21 years on this world is enough for me and i cant take it anymore, i had a good childhood but after turning 13 everything went downhill, all my family members who cared slowly started dying around me, my 2 childhood dogs both passed.. my ESA chihuahua was hit by a car in front of my house and exploded from the impact in front of me. i cant deal with this no more... please can someone help me.
