I'm so tired and sad

[Susannah]

I'm at my summerhouse now, feeling an immensely sorrow for being alive. I've walked to my special place where there's a beautiful tree, with a rope hanging, calling for me. It felt wonderful to tie the rope around my neck and just hang down. I've never been this close to ctb before. But then I thought about my son, and I pulled myself together.

Now I feel worse than ever. Like I crossed a line and there's no way back. I just had to share with you guys. And I love you all.

 

[TowerUpright]

Thank you for sharing your story, Susannah.

I, too, come to places where the CTB urges kick in.
Sometimes those places are physical, other times, it's a rumination of the past, both pleasant thoughts and mistakes.

Ever want to swap stories sometime, drop me a line.

 

[SinisterKid]

Until you are clinically dead, there is always a way back. I find suicidal ideation, to the point of having a method in place and ready to go, actually offer me some sense of control. Living seems to be beyond my control, thats how it feels to me, my death is the total opposite. I have lost 2 people recently and both times I cant help but feel it should have been me.

If your son gives you enough reason to keep going, thats good. I have a little one [not so little anymore] and I try to think of her when I am at my worst.

 

[Susannah]

Until you are clinically dead, there is always a way back. I find suicidal ideation, to the point of having a method in place and ready to go, actually offer me some sense of control. Living seems to be beyond my control, thats how it feels to me, my death is the total opposite. I have lost 2 people recently and both times I cant help but feel it should have been me.

If your son gives you enough reason to keep going, thats good. I have a little one [not so little anymore] and I try to think of her when I am at my worst.

Thank you