Help I'm so scared of losing people.

[Weneedtounionize]

Okay, so my good friend left the internet about a year ago. He said goodbye and I thought he just meant for the day but then he didn't show up the next day and then the next day and then a year went by and he still isn't back.

I am on an online forum with other people and I've made some good friends that I get paranoid every time they're offline for too long and I worried that maybe they're going to leave.

I can't say goodbye to a friend anymore. I worried that might be the last time. I always say goodnight or later instead.

How do I get over this fear of losing people when I've already gone through grief?

 

[Over4Me]

basically the only 2 people I cared about dearly decided to abandon me. I tried to get back through social media but they said I was being a stalker and should let them live their life. I couldn't handle the emotional toll of being abandoned like that. now I'm all alone with no hope of finding someone I can connect with. even if I do find someone, I'll be so terrified about being abandoned that I'll only drive them away.

I would like to know a solution to this, too. I dont think there really is one, though. Just have to grit your teeth and work your way through.

fuck I wish I had a gun to ctb with.

 

[Life sucks]

Unfortunately life is just a sequence of losing and goodbyes. I don't want to experience it anymore.

 

[OrcWitch]

I don't know. It sucks when it happens. That's a traumatic story you have.

I guess just try to realize that most people are not like that friend you had. Most friendships stop from people slowly drifting apart because people change over time, they don't just abruptly stop like that. Someone going offline for longer than usual is realistically just them being busy or needing some space or feeling sad. I don't know how to exactly get over your abandonment trauma and begin trusting again.

 

[Luchs]

I have the same fear, it leads to me chasing friends away and cutting them off if they grow too close, out of fear that they'll leave. Really dumb, I know.

 

[FuneralCry]

The only thing you can do is learn to accept that this is an inevitable part of life and there is nothing you can do about it, it is out of your control. However this is easier said than done. Living is so painful, I wish I was never born in the first place.

 

[OpheliasFlowers]

I have the same fear, it leads to me chasing friends away and cutting them off if they grow too close, out of fear that they'll leave. Really dumb, I know.

Not dumb. I totally get it. I do it too. I try to not behave in a way or say things that will drive them away, but...it still happens.

 

[MindFrog]

Yeah I get that.. It never really disappears. It just hides there in the back of your head. That only thing that you can do is spend time with those you're afraid to lose honestly.

 

[Pluto]

I freak out at the thought of losing people, too. It has become a death spiral because the more I am perceived as needy, the more I get rejected and become yet more desperate. After countless years of trying everything under the sun, it has reached a point where CTB is a genuinely rational solution for me.

Being abandoned during childhood is a major cause of this syndrome. Life is very cruel in this regard, but it just seems that being unloved when young can set us up to again not be loved as adults. But if you can access psychotherapy or other support, you may be able to work through this issue. Some have been able to overcome it.