Venting I’m so goddamn sad, angry

[madbananas]

My emotions are too much. I cry when someone is really nice to me while at the same time I feel like I have 20 knives in my back and my heart is being squished up when people ghost me.
When will my SI just piss off

 

[whywere]

Sorry that you ae in pain. I do not know you but I love you as a family member here on sanctioned suicide. I can relate from my back ground and from experience can give you hope in so far as ALL of us here ARE a global family. I have felt the same way as your post alot before and I pick myself up with my friends here.You are the best and you have so much to give humanity and everyone here! Love and peace to you!!!!!!

 

[madbananas]

Sorry that you ae in pain. I do not know you but I love you as a family member here on sanctioned suicide. I can relate from my back ground and from experience can give you hope in so far as ALL of us here ARE a global family. I have felt the same way as your post alot before and I pick myself up with my friends here.You are the best and you have so much to give humanity and everyone here! Love and peace to you!!!!!!

Thank you so much I wish I'd never went back for therapy because it just was another round of false hope and invalidation which just makes me feel like a complete alien freak. Here in SS I feel validated by people like yourself and it's the only safe space I have to vent. Thank you again I'm sorry you've felt the same way as me. It's hell.

 

[Spitfire]

It took me awhile to get involved here on this site with you, and all of the others.. a few months to my first post.

I am super new to this forum. It is very comforting to be able and speak about things of this nature with everyone.

If it is what you wanted and I could, I would make things better for you and your emotions.

I went the opposite direction. I feel as though I lost most of the emotional feelings I think I used to know. The good and bad of it all are just gone and lost to me anymore.

 

[Huntfish34]

I'm sorry you are going through all of this, sounds a lot like myself lately.. Especially with the random bouts of crying / emotions and then being ghosted. =\. I really Fckn hate it to say the Least .

Just Know and rest Assured.. We are all family here ,. You are Not alone. Thoughts and prayers are with you,. Always. Take care of yourself

 

[madbananas]

It took me awhile to get involved here on this site with you, and all of the others.. a few months to my first post.

I am super new to this forum. It is very comforting to be able and speak about things of this nature with everyone.

If it is what you wanted and I could, I would make things better for you and your emotions.

I went the opposite direction. I feel as though I lost most of the emotional feelings I think I used to know. The good and bad of it all are just gone and lost to me anymore.

Thank you so much. I can't imagine it must be better feeling completely lost of emotion. It is definitely comforting, and I'm glad you find it comforting too. Don't know what I'd do without this forum when I feel such an alien in "real life".

I'm sorry you are going through all of this, sounds a lot like myself lately.. Especially with the random bouts of crying / emotions and then being ghosted. =\. I really Fckn hate it to say the Least .

Just Know and rest Assured.. We are all family here ,. You are Not alone. Thoughts and prayers are with you,. Always. Take care of yourself ❤

Thank you. It's horrible and I'm sorry you're experiencing it too. I feel like such a freak all the time. I feel welcomed and accepted here though. Take care of yourself too

 

[Huntfish34]

Amen 2 that,. And Thank you. I certainly appreciate it. .

Don't worry,. I feel so damn awkward / freak many Times in my life. You are among friends here.... Don't forget that please.

 

[BPD Barbie]

Sorry to hear you've been ghosted, if that's whats happened, it's not nice. Makes you feel like nobody cares etc.

 

[madbananas]

Amen 2 that,. And Thank you. I certainly appreciate it. ❤.

Don't worry,. I feel so damn awkward / freak many Times in my life. You are among friends here.... Don't forget that please.

It makes me so sad when I see people on twitter who only have to post something and like 1 minute later they have everyone live bombing them, sending support. I posted something months back and I was ostracised. At least here I get genuine kind messages. Thanks again, life hurts so much

Sorry to hear you've been ghosted, if that's whats happened, it's not nice. Makes you feel like nobody cares etc.

Thank you. Exactly how it feels. Puts me through hell and I don't feel I'm coming out of it this time

 

[Spitfire]

I know they are all actually still there; the happy and sad courage and fear and the many other variants of emotions are subdued, I feel beyond repair?

I did not know what to do when it was like all of the better ones started to go away for good like that?

The worse ones took over, and they were too strong! To block the bad ones out might have took the good ones out, for good?

I think that is what happened?

I do not want to be making the focus on me in your thread, but wanted you to know about that for some reason.

 

[madbananas]

I know they are all actually still there; the happy and sad courage and fear and the many other variants of emotions are subdued, I feel beyond repair?

I did not know what to do when it was like all of the better ones started to go away for good like that?

The worse ones took over, and they were too strong! To block the bad ones out might have took the good ones out, for good?

I think that is what happened?

I do not want to be making the focus on me in your thread, but wanted you to know about that for some reason.

Don't worry about talking about yourself on my thread, I find it makes me feel less isolated although I am sorry that you're going through it I hope you find emotion again, but I hope you don't get them as extreme as I do!

 

[Spitfire]

It has been about three years for me.

I am one of the ones who was successful, and they brought me back from it. I used a large amount of insulin, propranolol and other heart medications, benzos, and both radial arteries cut into with a scalpel. (First and only attempt)

The last thing I remember of that day is holding the scalpel pushing it into the carotid artery, and not being able to hold the scalpel anymore to do it, because of how slippery all of the blood was.

When I reached to the ground to grab it was when all of the medications must have made me pass out. I hit my head on a tombstone and cracked my skull. I was told a passerby saw and called the paramedics.

The emotions started to show back up this year.. which I did not expect. I am doing better. I did not think it was possible.

 

[madbananas]

It has been about three years for me.

I am one of the ones who was successful, and they brought me back from it. I used a large amount of insulin, propranolol and other heart medications, benzos, and both radial arteries cut into with a scalpel. (First and only attempt)

The last thing I remember of that day is holding the scalpel pushing it into the carotid artery, and not being able to hold the scalpel anymore to do it because of how slippery all of the blood was.

When I reached to the ground to grab it was when all of the medications must have made me pass out. I hit my head on a tombstone and cracked my skull. I was told a passerby saw and called the paramedics.

The emotions started to show back up this year.. which I did not expect. I am doing better. I did not think it was possible.

It has been about three years for me.

I am one of the ones who was successful, and they brought me back from it. I used a large amount of insulin, propranolol and other heart medications, benzos, and both radial arteries cut into with a scalpel. (First and only attempt)

The last thing I remember of that day is holding the scalpel pushing it into the carotid artery, and not being able to hold the scalpel anymore to do it because of how slippery all of the blood was.

When I reached to the ground to grab it was when all of the medications must have made me pass out. I hit my head on a tombstone and cracked my skull. I was told a passerby saw and called the paramedics.

The emotions started to show back up this year.. which I did not expect. I am doing better. I did not think it was possible.

I'm glad you're feeling a bit better and so sorry what you've been through. That must have been a terrifying experience. Hope you're getting some support in real life as well, and hopefully it's helpful.