Venting Im so fuckkng scared i hate my life i hate my whole family

[seeweed]

im so fucking scared ohbmy god its all my fault i made my mom tweak out i genuinely just ahve this fucking idk hatred for her i have thsi confusing resentment i have im genuinely fucking scared oh mybgod my dads gonna beat me.up everytime she talks to me i get mad and i genuinely cant control it. Now theyre calling for my dad theyre gonna tell on my dad hes gonna best me up im so fuckinh scared
im so fucking scared oh mu god . shes so annoying im ending my life

 

[DownwardSpiral]

You may have resentment from having your feelings denied. A lot of the things I am hurt or angry at my parents for I am mostly unable to process because I am unable to confront them about it. I know that they would react negatively if I told them, and it would only lead to them being more upset at me and me feeling worse.
To process it yourself have to get it out in some way like journaling, but it could be anything, a punching bag maybe. It's cathartic for me to write about how much I hate that my parents ruined my life without holding anything back. Then, to stay calm when facing her, it helps to breath (4 seconds breath in, 4 hold, 4 breath out, 4 hold) and to focus only on the present moment and what she is saying now. Try to catch and put the feelings of resentment away while she is in front of you, you can come back to them later once you are somewhere safe to process them yourself.
You can also try sitting with your feelings about your parents, accepting them instead of fighting them and letting yourself grieve what they did to you, in a safe place of course. Like meditating. The more we hold it in, the harder it will be to hold back when we get triggered.

Parents who beat their kids are degenerate trash. Are you okay? I hope you can find peace.