I'm so fucking tired of being tired.

[Livingvsdying25]

I had some appointments and I canceled bc I'm not in the mood and I'm sick of being outside half dead bc of lack.of sleep.


Since this fucking morning I've been trying to sleep and every fucking time my body keeps waking me up like HOLY SHIT. I JUST WANT SOME SLEEP.

Why doesn't my body work right. This is precisely one of the big reasons on why I am killing myself soon.

This is so fucking frustrating bc a lack of sleep isn't going to help me be able to execute anything. UGH.

Just makes everything fucking worse and I don't need that right now. I need to sleep so I can plan and execute FFS.


Sighs. I don't have the energy to get up and do much of anything nor the physically ability. So just gonna keep chilling and trying. I am SOOOOO frustrated.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's awful being unable to sleep as to me sleeping is the closest thing to not existing. It really does sound so tiring what you are going through and I understand why you would feel so frustrated but anyway I wish you the best.

 

[Livingvsdying25]

A bit of an update... I guess im really cracking a lil... I can't handle life anymore.

Sighsss my workers wanted me to stay in contact so I had sent a text this morning but I am sick of this shit.

I don't want to see or look or engage with my fucking text messages or anything anymore.

So I sent an email saying im not suicidal and won't be needing the daily check in and will be disabling my gmail and messages bc I need a freaking break. I sent an email to my friend saying where I am at and being more honest. I can't do this interpersonal shit anymore.

Im not a good person or a good friend despite being told otherwise. I can't deal with this world anymore and I dont want to feel forced to.

Like whats better to just disappear or to disappear with some thought put into it? I don't freaking know tbh. So I'm just trying but I needa be able to give life a break and look at death snd not be here in this world even if im still "alive"

I took a buspar earlier and its making me feel very hungry so I'm gonna order something and eat & game soon and take some more CBN gummies and hope it all makes it so I can get some freaking sleep this afternoon.

I really hate myself as a person so much. Im so tired of everything....

 

[Rational man]

From my own.experience, the.more you think about it the worse it gets. Im lucky to get 5 hours due to physical pain and lots of thoughts. I'm.sorry to hear this but im in the same boat.

 

[isitjustme]

I had some appointments and I canceled bc I'm not in the mood and I'm sick of being outside half dead bc of lack.of sleep.


Since this fucking morning I've been trying to sleep and every fucking time my body keeps waking me up like HOLY SHIT. I JUST WANT SOME SLEEP.

Why doesn't my body work right. This is precisely one of the big reasons on why I am killing myself soon.

This is so fucking frustrating bc a lack of sleep isn't going to help me be able to execute anything. UGH.

Just makes everything fucking worse and I don't need that right now. I need to sleep so I can plan and execute FFS.


Sighs. I don't have the energy to get up and do much of anything nor the physically ability. So just gonna keep chilling and trying. I am SOOOOO frustrated.

Not sure about your circumstances so my question may sound stupid or maybe offensive but are you able to get sleeping pills of some sort? (I know some may require prescription in some countries and it could be hard to get if your struggles with suicidal thoughts are known). Do you have a sleep disorder or have you tried seeing a doctor about it?

Also you mentioned taking Buspar. Could it be a side effect?

As for CBN, if it's anything like melatonin then it isn't very effective. I tried pure melatonin once and took waaaay over the suggested amount. It sort of made me sleepy but it did not take much to shake it off.

 

[Livingvsdying25]

Sighsss my workers wanted me to stay in contact so I had sent a text this morning but I am sick of this shit.

I don't want to see or look or engage with my fucking text messages or anything anymore.

So I sent an email saying im not suicidal and won't be needing the daily check in and will be disabling my gmail and messages bc I need a freaking break. I sent an email to my friend saying where I am at and being more honest. I can't do this interpersonal shit anymore.

Im not a good person or a good friend despite being told otherwise. I can't deal with this world anymore and I dont want to feel forced to.

Like whats better to just disappear or to disappear with some thought put into it? I don't freaking know tbh. So I'm just trying but I needa be able to give life a break and look at death snd not be here in this world even if im still "alive"

I took a buspar earlier and its making me feel very hungry so I'm gonna order something and eat & game soon and take some more CBN gummies and hope it all makes it so I can get some freaking sleep this afternoon.

I really hate myself as a person so much.

Not sure about your circumstances so my question may sound stupid or maybe offensive but are you able to get sleeping pills of some sort? (I know some may require prescription in some countries and it could be hard to get if your struggles with suicidal thoughts are known). Do you have a sleep disorder or have you tried seeing a doctor about it?

Also you mentioned taking Buspar. Could it be a side effect?

As for CBN, if it's anything like melatonin then it isn't very effective. I tried pure melatonin once and took waaaay over the suggested amount. It sort of made me sleepy but it did not take much to shake it off.

No offensive or stupid but yee I've tried like every avaliable sleeping pill at this point they didn't help..

I do have a sleep disorder but it hasn't been diagnosed so the sleeping pill/medicine that could help me I don't have access to yet unfortunately.

Buspar doesn't really keep one awake if anything it makes me more sleepy. I'm not sure if being awake is a possible side effect tho and something ima needa look into now

CBN is different from melatonin. It's hard to explain CBN bc it involves getting into like neuroscience but yee. Melatonin didn't help me either unfortunately.

Thnx for the suggestions though... I did end up sleeping and it was definitely stress/high emotions keeping me awake.

 

[isitjustme]

Buspar doesn't really keep one awake if anything it makes me more sleepy. I'm not sure if being awake is a possible side effect tho and something ima needa look into now

To start just think back if you had these issues before or if they started at some point after you started taking Buspar. I'm no doctor but googled it and says it can cause restlessness.

Though if you have a sleeping disorder as you suspect than that's probably it.

Well in any case I am happy to hear you were able to catch some Zs in the end