Im so fucking fragile, Im falling apart

[qualityOV3Rquantity]

I used to be resilient and strong, more physically but also a bit mentally. But I'm so fucking weak now, every challenge has me running to my bedroom to self harm. I used to have self confidence, I didn't think I did but I had some, I didn't know until I lost it. Chronic illness is so much worse than death, it takes fucking everything from you. I am a pathetic parody of my former self, every good attribute has decreased and ever flaw has increased exponentially.

I am only 24 years old but I'm a fucking walking corpse. I have no life in me anymore, only stress and pain. In a few days I'll turn 25. I spent the first 24 years of my life toiling to build a future for myself, but this entire year I've just been fucking rotting inside. I can feel my intestines fermenting inside me, I'm falling apart but I'm still expected to work my bullshit job like I'm a healthy normal person. I hate it so much. Fuck this work project, I don't give a shot about any of it. My company doesn't even do anything, just pointless research, and they are putting way too much on me, I CANT FUCKING BEAR IT.

25 years old, it should be happy, but instead I'll be the same. The same chronically ill, worthless piece of meat that degrades and worthless wraps around into a piece of fucking trash. I hate this life so much, why can't I just disappear?

 

[avalokitesvara]

I'm sorry you're in so much pain, mentally and physically. I hope something changes and you get some relief.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really horrible what you go through, it's so cruel to me how there's all this suffering in existing, I understand just wanting to disappear. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[selfsabotagequeen]

i really relate to this. i am sending you so much strength and love and light and happiness, angel. i hope the next year brings good things your way. you deserve to be happy. ik im a random internet stranger but i am really rooting for you to make it. all the best <3

 

[sayuri]

I'm so sorry you're feeling so much pain. I really hope it gets better and you can find rest and relief. Stay safe!