Long story made extremely short...
My brother, high on opiates, tells me his shotgun is available to me if I feel like killing myself ever. Demonstrates how to use it.
I come in the next day while he's there and try to take it, and he get's all freaked out and says, "not while I'm here!!" I apologize and leave. He tells my dad about the whole thing and we all have a long annoying conversation.
I go back in the next day while my brother's at work just to fool around with the gun and make sure I still know how to operate it. I find out the box is locked. I get very upset because my brother locked away the gun he said I could use.
I talk to my brother today, and ask him about it, and he says he locked the box simply because Dad told him to, no reason other than that.
I feel like, logically, my dad doing that made absolutely perfect sense. But for some reason I'm still mad about it. I was just coming to the resolution that I was going to live just because everyone keeps making me feel like I'm so precious and important to them. Now, at this particular moment, I feel angry, like I wish I could find a way to kill myself just out of spite. I was already suicidal anyway. Now I'm suicidal and angry. I probably won't do anything, I don't know. I just had to post here because this is my only sanctuary now. I wish I could cry. I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate my life!
My brother, high on opiates, tells me his shotgun is available to me if I feel like killing myself ever. Demonstrates how to use it.
I come in the next day while he's there and try to take it, and he get's all freaked out and says, "not while I'm here!!" I apologize and leave. He tells my dad about the whole thing and we all have a long annoying conversation.
I go back in the next day while my brother's at work just to fool around with the gun and make sure I still know how to operate it. I find out the box is locked. I get very upset because my brother locked away the gun he said I could use.
I talk to my brother today, and ask him about it, and he says he locked the box simply because Dad told him to, no reason other than that.
I feel like, logically, my dad doing that made absolutely perfect sense. But for some reason I'm still mad about it. I was just coming to the resolution that I was going to live just because everyone keeps making me feel like I'm so precious and important to them. Now, at this particular moment, I feel angry, like I wish I could find a way to kill myself just out of spite. I was already suicidal anyway. Now I'm suicidal and angry. I probably won't do anything, I don't know. I just had to post here because this is my only sanctuary now. I wish I could cry. I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate my life!
