I’m sick of my mom

[Roseate]

I finally told her my depression is her fault and my cutting is all her fault and typical her. I am beyond pissed off cuz typical her completely fucking making it about her and saying she doesn't remember her messed up. I am beyond pissed and losing my mind. She acts like she didn't play a major role in my issues, like she didn't make me feel like a mistake. I didn't draw it from thin air. It was constant picking on me, and finding faults in everything I did and don't get me started on the names when she was upset and now she's telling me I'm fucking wrong then have the nerve to bring her fucking god like where the fuck was he when I was 12 crying again cuz she said something mean and my mind telling me it's all true and telling me cutting will make me feel better, huh? WHERE TF WAS HE? When she was happy the next day but I couldn't breathe and my hand was sore from the cuts the night previous? Like for once I thought it would reach her but no she goes and downplay everything like always. It doesn't matter tho, I already planned on ctb on October and glad I got that bit out. When I die, she can read over everything I wrote about while I was actively going through it. She will somehow make it about her and downplay it and blame the devil in typical Christian ways. Either deflect or bring god. The lack of unawareness is beyond sad.

 

[badtothebone]

I finally told her my depression is her fault and my cutting is all her fault and typical her. I am beyond pissed off cuz typical her completely fucking making it about her and saying she doesn't remember her messed up. I am beyond pissed and losing my mind. She acts like she didn't play a major role in my issues, like she didn't make me feel like a mistake. I didn't draw it from thin air. It was constant picking on me, and finding faults in everything I did and don't get me started on the names when she was upset and now she's telling me I'm fucking wrong then have the nerve to bring her fucking god like where the fuck was he when I was 12 crying again cuz she said something mean and my mind telling me it's all true and telling me cutting will make me feel better, huh? WHERE TF WAS HE? When she was happy the next day but I couldn't breathe and my hand was sore from the cuts the night previous? Like for once I thought it would reach her but no she goes and downplay everything like always. It doesn't matter tho, I already planned on ctb on October and glad I got that bit out. When I die, she can read over everything I wrote about while I was actively going through it. She will somehow make it about her and downplay it and blame the devil in typical Christian ways. Either deflect or bring god. The lack of unawareness is beyond sad.

I'm so sorry for this! Do you mind me asking how old are you?

 

[Roseate]

I'm so sorry for this! Do you mind me asking how old are you?

I'm old enough to live on my own but I was trying to save enough and I lost my job and been looking for one. Unless I can find another job, pay my debt and move away, I'm stuck here. It's not a choice.

 

[badtothebone]

I'm old enough to live on my own but I was trying to save enough and I lost my job and been looking for one. Unless I can find another job, pay my debt and move away, I'm stuck here. It's not a choice.

I'm sorry hopefully your family can help you financially. Life is very expensive we basically pay for our air that we breathe but try to be positive and find a motivation. Good luck with your future

 

[golta]

Same brother, I wish you the best outcome of this.

 

[Roseate]

I'm sorry hopefully your family can help you financially. Life is very expensive we basically pay for our air that we breathe but try to be positive and find a motivation. Good luck with your future

I've never needed and still don't need them to help me financially. That wasn't even the point of this post. It wasn't about financial issues. It's about how people think they can just birth and not do their jobs when it comes down to it.

 

[badtothebone]

I've never needed and still don't need them to help me financially. That wasn't even the point of this post. It wasn't about financial issues. It's about how people think they can just birth and not do their jobs when it comes down to it.

I've never needed and still don't need them to help me financially. That wasn't even the point of this post. It wasn't about financial issues. It's about how people think they can just birth and not do their jobs when it comes down to it.

it's obvious I wasn't replying to your post. It looks like I answered the wrong user.

 

[Roseate]

it's obvious I wasn't replying to your post. It looks like I answered the wrong user.

Seeing how you asked for my age and I'm the one who made the post, yes you were.

 

[fleetingnight]

I'm so sorry that happened I really can't stand people who can't apologize or admit to being wrong, even when confronted. Refusing to take responsibility only makes whatever you did so much worse.

It doesn't matter tho, I already planned on ctb on October and glad I got that bit out. When I die, she can read over everything I wrote about while I was actively going through it.

I'm glad you gave her a piece of your mind, too. I'm sorry she wasn't receptive to it, but she deserves to be told what she's done regardless.

 

[Roseate]

I'm so sorry that happened I really can't stand people who can't apologize or admit to being wrong, even when confronted. Refusing to take responsibility only makes whatever you did so much worse.

I'm glad you gave her a piece of your mind, too. I'm sorry she wasn't receptive to it, but she deserves to be told what she's done regardless.

I should've expected it. I've felt so small for so long and I can't forgive her for not being more of a parent all while depending on me for her emotional well being, she thinks that she did the best she could. She just didn't. She could've tried the family therapy they suggested, the suggestion for her to see someone too, and if she had done that or just noticed my pain then I could've gotten help before it got too messy. Before the suicidal attempts. Before the suicidal thoughts. Before I got deep in it. Even if she didn't notice, she could've put her foot down, she could've learned more about it… I would've done everything and anything if it were my kid so why didn't she? Was I not worth it? She will never take the accountability for it and everyone will enable her and only I suffer in the end. I just want my pain to be acknowledged and for her to take accountability for her role in all of just so we could have a somewhat salvageable relationship, so we can mend the relationship cuz I've grown to resent her for not being my mother. For not giving me that safe space every child NEEDS. For not protecting me enough. For not loving me enough. For a lot of other things. But she will never see any of it that way. It's life. I'll get over it.