I'm scared

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

Being in a country where peoples rights and freedoms are so easily yanked from them, simply for speaking on this forum or expressing their wish for death, terrifies me.

Now I am scared to try and obtain SN, because what if it is too late and they are nabbing every seller? What if I get a knock on my door simply for posting my thoughts and feelings here, that harm no one and serve as a means of catharsis?

I am in agony from my physical illnesses that will never get better. Pure hell, even if I try to keep it at bay. Right now I am spending 90% of my life in bed and unable to do anything. Tell me, does that sound like a reasonable quality of life for a girl in her early twenties? I don't hardly get to enjoy anything because I am either too tired and exhausted to do things or pain prevents me from exerting myself or properly enjoying anything. I am tormented daily by ptsd but the pro life squad will insist that obstacle is surmountable when it isn't.

Why is it a crime that I do not wish to exist like this? Have they no compassion? No empathy?

I am so scared. If I fail an attempt, it is over. I will be further traumatized and stripped of my dignity. I may even be kicked out of uni if my attendance drops off and face harsh consequences. It is disturbing that this is the reality that we live in. All of this added torture because the world can't accept some people's conditions aren't going to improve and give you the option for a peaceful exit.

I do not want to leave this forum as I enjoy talking to many of you, but I am scared. Just knowing that my personal struggles are likely being used as ammo for the next sting operation makes me disappointed and upset beyond belief. This is madness.

 

[The end !]

Those People have no compassion . It doesnt matter if you are scared or not , they will knock on ur door if they found out . World is terrible , prepare for the worst . But being said this , I'm still with you if u need to talk too and ppl here will try to support as much as they can .

 

[Mentalmick]

They can't stop you coming to this forum as you're doing nothing illegal. Nor can they release any of your personal details as that would be against the law. There will always be other ways to obtain sn or the next thing that comes along. They won't win. Try not to be scared

 

[LooksAtMoonDog]

No they have no compassion, they only case about CONTROL, control your thoughts, control your choices, control your life, control your death.

 

[nerve]

I don't know if it helps but I'm scared about this too.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

They can't stop you coming to this forum as you're doing nothing illegal. Nor can they release any of your personal details as that would be against the law. There will always be other ways to obtain sn or the next thing that comes along. They won't win. Try not to be scared

You are right. We are doing nothing wrong by being here and venting on this forum. I have trauma with LE and I do not trust them to do anything but hurt me after my past experiences.

Not only how they handled the case of my molestation, but as a young teenager I had someone call cops to my house and they came in my bedroom at night and demanded to know if I was sucidal. It was terrifying to a child. I knew if I hadn't talked my way out of it I would have been sent directly to a psych ward and punished further. I've had the police storm where I lived multiple times because someone called and tried telling them I was "depressed".

Even hearing sirens sets me off sometimes because I am scared they will lock me up and those workers in the wards will do things to my body I do not consent to. The amount of power these people have is insane. I am trying not to let it get to me.

 

[NotOkay_]

Being in a country where peoples rights and freedoms are so easily yanked from them, simply for speaking on this forum or expressing their wish for death, terrifies me.

Now I am scared to try and obtain SN, because what if it is too late and they are nabbing every seller? What if I get a knock on my door simply for posting my thoughts and feelings here, that harm no one and serve as a means of catharsis?

I am in agony from my physical illnesses that will never get better. Pure hell, even if I try to keep it at bay. Right now I am spending 90% of my life in bed and unable to do anything. Tell me, does that sound like a reasonable quality of life for a girl in her early twenties? I don't hardly get to enjoy anything because I am either too tired and exhausted to do things or pain prevents me from exerting myself or properly enjoying anything. I am tormented daily by ptsd but the pro life squad will insist that obstacle is surmountable when it isn't.

Why is it a crime that I do not wish to exist like this? Have they no compassion? No empathy?

I am so scared. If I fail an attempt, it is over. I will be further traumatized and stripped of my dignity. I may even be kicked out of uni if my attendance drops off and face harsh consequences. It is disturbing that this is the reality that we live in. All of this added torture because the world can't accept some people's conditions aren't going to improve and give you the option for a peaceful exit.

I do not want to leave this forum as I enjoy talking to many of you, but I am scared. Just knowing that my personal struggles are likely being used as ammo for the next sting operation makes me disappointed and upset beyond belief. This is madness.

We have soo much in common. I could've Litterally said this x

 

[Spitfire]

Why is it a crime that I do not wish to exist like this?

To be Mr Obvious, that is not a crime.

Is it?

 

[DivineMedicus]

Apologies in advance for this pile of mess I have written, it's currently 2 AM and I should really be focusing on my studies atm, but here we are...

We humans have always been plagued by arrogance, and who knows, perhaps this may have aided in the survival of our species. From an young age we are consumed by propaganda that no problem - no matter the cause - is insurmountable, and failure simply means "you are not applying yourself, you lazy slob". We are afflicted by this childish mentality that we can steal fire from the "Gods", and with it, forge our own destinies. Nothing but icons for the deluded, I say.

To mature is to know when to cut your losses and head on home. It is to absolve oneself of the notion of repeatedly punching a brick wall with broken fists, to reject Pyrrhic victories that ultimately leave you with nothing but regret and suffering, and to accept that people of all walks of life will inevitably be ferried down the Styx. Please note that I do not endorse unconditional surrendering, but to be mindful of one's own limitations so as to prevent potential hardship and suffering. Compassion is achieved when all parties involved are aware of each other's weaknesses, and these weaknesses are acknowledged in a respectful manner so as to preserve the dignity of those who are suffering. The events I have witnessed happening in the UK recently are most vexing; the authorities seem to hold almost no regard for the individual's dignity and dominion over their own body. The wishes of the individual are casually discarded as they continue to preach their disingenuous pro-life rhetoric by the script. "Oh you wish to exercise your bodily autonomy and CTB after considerable thought about your current predicament? Nah, that's just quitter-talk and you must be mentally ill. Off to the psych wards with you!"

Neurotypical individuals should and must remember that those who are "disenchanted" by life and its evils are just as human as they are, and that shunning them out of society because they are "different" will only add insult to injury. Forcefully keeping someone alive will not heal them of whatever trauma they may have endured, and no, it will most definitely not bring their limbs back. The state is disillusioned by the "quantity over quality" mantra, it seems, and I fear that there will be more suffering as a result.

 

[262653]

We humans have always been plagued by arrogance, and who knows, perhaps this may have aided in the survival of our species. From an young age we are consumed by propaganda that no problem - no matter the cause - is insurmountable, and failure simply means "you are not applying yourself, you lazy slob". We are afflicted by this childish mentality that we can steal fire from the "Gods", and with it, forge our own destinies. Nothing but icons for the deluded, I say.

Sounds like the kind of strategy that would outcompete and outlive a more mellow, laidback strategy where people aren't working at 110% capacity.

I also agree about brick walls and Pyrrhic victories. But I don't know what kind of transformation neurotypical humans have to undergo to become more understanding, without severely compromising their own well-being or getting outcompeted by less understanding humans.

 

[DivineMedicus]

Precisely. Broad-scale understanding has become somewhat of a pipe dream given the status quo. I do not believe that we are at this stage yet, or perhaps we may never reach it. I believe the first step should be to eliminate this irrational fear of death, for death is the ultimate destination of all biotic processes. The reason why suicides are so stigmatized is not only because it would bring harm to loved ones, but that they are associated with death. I do confess that the former is a valid reason why suicides are viewed under negative light, but if we were to eliminate this factor, why would a total stranger dictate that what you're doing is wrong? Are they pleading for you to live out of compassion? No, they are doing this because they are afraid of death, and its likely they may not have even acknowledged your current situation.

 

[262653]

No, they are doing this because they are afraid of death, and its likely they may not have even acknowledged your current situation.

I actually have personal experience with that. Some family member had experienced grief or sadness or whatever, and cried. In an anxious tone I asked that person not to cry. I didn't know why they were crying, and I didn't bother asking, or offering help to alleviate whatever made them feel bad in the first place. I didn't even acknowledge their current situation. All I wanted is to stop feeling bad myself.