Discussion I'm scared of the process of dying and what comes after death

[Thisgirlwantstosleep]

Jumping is brutal but one of the more viable options for me however the problem is that I don't have anywhere particularly high to jump from. Which, isn't an issue because I'm severely underweight and my body is just generally running on empty so I'd most probably smash like a bag of crisps and die relatively quickly.

My idea was to take some aspirin before hand to ensure I bleed out and fall backwards for maximum effectiveness. I keep imagining the back of my skull coming into contact with the concrete. Would it crumple? Would it smash? Would my whole head explode? And what about the rest of my body? Would I be out like a light or suffer for a few minutes? Or even worse - live somehow.

And what happens afterwards? My biggest fear is coming back to this planet to face another pointless hellish existence, and I feel like the universe would punish my greatly for taking my life, giving me maximum misery in my new one.

I'll be honest, I don't really want to commit suicide. Its gruesome and awful. But there's so many problems in my life I don't know what else to do. I dread everyday. I more or less can't function anymore. I have no friends. I don't go out anywhere. I can go the whole day without speaking to anyone. I'm ugly and have been notoriously bullied and ostracised throughout life. I'm not eating properly due to having contamination OCD and having to share a living space with my dad who's a pig and never washes his hands, and only showers once a week. I never go near him but I spoke to him for the first time in a while and he stank, and so did the room he was in. There's nothing wrong with him he just has poor hygiene standards. I practically live in my room because I refuse to touch anything he touches.

3 years I've lived like this, since my mum kicked me out, in complete isolation and misery, and I can't endure anymore, not another day or week or month. I can't go into hospital because it's dirty and noisy and not a place to rehabilitate, I tried to go to the local government to get subsidised housing but they forced me to get my own rental place and of course that wasn't clean either. If I give it up I'm stuck living like this for a few months at least but I can't move into my new place either because it feels dirty no matter how much I clean. I'm stuck in hellish limbo with no support and my OCD is literally killing me. I've never had any significant medical intervention. My entire life has just been empty and I have no good memories. I'm unlikely to get a good job in the future because I'm severely mentally ill and don't do anything in my spare time and have no skills and have never done anything fun or exciting. Homelessness is very likely in the future because I'm estranged from my family and I live in a very expensive city that I can't move away from because I'm retarded and find it hard to manage on my own.

I just need a new life.

I wish I wasn't afraid of death and had an easy painless method. Can't do SN because it scares me and I don't have access to antiemetics or any kind of beta blocker or benzo because I've tried to kill myself multiple times so the doctor refuses to prescribe me any hard stuff.

 

[jgm63]

Just because you're underweight that wouldn't guarantee that jumping from a lower height would be successful in my opinion.
If you jump and survive then the outcome could be *very* bad, such as living with very bad disabilities.

If I were considering jumping as a method, then I'd want to :
> find somewhere that's 300 feet ( 20 floors ) or higher. 200 feet ( 14 floors ) should be the minimum.
> be certain I'll fall without interruption or landing on a ledge, etc.
> make sure I hit something hard, and that nothing could break my fall.
> avoid windy days ideally, since that could interfere.
> ensure I don't put anyone else in danger, e.g. pick a time when nobody is in the area.

I've heard some people suggest the use of aspirin or warfarin, for blood thinning, so in case you didn't die on impact, then bleeding should complete the process.

However, I think SN would be a better method than jumping.
There are ways to get meto (antiemetic) without seeing you doctor.
I'll PM you with some ideas.
The beta blocker / benzo are not really needed.


Note : As always, please note that I strongly encourage you to seek help with whatever is troubling you. With the right help things can improve. There are many sources of help if you look and reach out. Please seek assistance in any and every way possible. You alone must decide upon your actions and take full responsibility for them, and you should always favour seeking help and keeping out of harm's way.

 

[Karl30]

It's probably like how before you were born

 

[BasedGod]

I'd be lieing if I didn't say I am scared too. It's gonna take every single fiber of my being to go through with it. I take solace in knowing how many users were able to overcome this feeling and finally achieve peace. It is the hardest road anyone will ever have to take.

 

[MsMaudlin]

I'm scared of failing, and making everything worse. I think its a perfectly natural reaction. I find that reading the success stories helps.

❤

 

[Lisa]

Jumping is brutal but one of the more viable options for me however the problem is that I don't have anywhere particularly high to jump from. Which, isn't an issue because I'm severely underweight and my body is just generally running on empty so I'd most probably smash like a bag of crisps and die relatively quickly.

My idea was to take some aspirin before hand to ensure I bleed out and fall backwards for maximum effectiveness. I keep imagining the back of my skull coming into contact with the concrete. Would it crumple? Would it smash? Would my whole head explode? And what about the rest of my body? Would I be out like a light or suffer for a few minutes? Or even worse - live somehow.

And what happens afterwards? My biggest fear is coming back to this planet to face another pointless hellish existence, and I feel like the universe would punish my greatly for taking my life, giving me maximum misery in my new one.

I'll be honest, I don't really want to commit suicide. Its gruesome and awful. But there's so many problems in my life I don't know what else to do. I dread everyday. I more or less can't function anymore. I have no friends. I don't go out anywhere. I can go the whole day without speaking to anyone. I'm ugly and have been notoriously bullied and ostracised throughout life. I'm not eating properly due to having contamination OCD and having to share a living space with my dad who's a pig and never washes his hands, and only showers once a week. I never go near him but I spoke to him for the first time in a while and he stank, and so did the room he was in. There's nothing wrong with him he just has poor hygiene standards. I practically live in my room because I refuse to touch anything he touches.

3 years I've lived like this, since my mum kicked me out, in complete isolation and misery, and I can't endure anymore, not another day or week or month. I can't go into hospital because it's dirty and noisy and not a place to rehabilitate, I tried to go to the local government to get subsidised housing but they forced me to get my own rental place and of course that wasn't clean either. If I give it up I'm stuck living like this for a few months at least but I can't move into my new place either because it feels dirty no matter how much I clean. I'm stuck in hellish limbo with no support and my OCD is literally killing me. I've never had any significant medical intervention. My entire life has just been empty and I have no good memories. I'm unlikely to get a good job in the future because I'm severely mentally ill and don't do anything in my spare time and have no skills and have never done anything fun or exciting. Homelessness is very likely in the future because I'm estranged from my family and I live in a very expensive city that I can't move away from because I'm retarded and find it hard to manage on my own.

I just need a new life.

I wish I wasn't afraid of death and had an easy painless method. Can't do SN because it scares me and I don't have access to antiemetics or any kind of beta blocker or benzo because I've tried to kill myself multiple times so the doctor refuses to prescribe me any hard stuff.

If you want send me your photo privately. I can help you with a few ez pointers on beauty. I'm sure you are more attractive than you know

 

[Deleted-User-0]

I had twice near death experience both in water first when I was a child 7-8yo almost drowned in a swimming pool then again in Malta while I was diving.
From both those experiences I can tell death ain't scary at all it's the life that scares the hell out of me with all its nonsense and bs.
Also found this in my favourite book "Better never to have been" it put things into prospective for me hopefully helps you as well:

He argued that since we do not regret the period of non-existence before we came into being, we should not regret the non-existence that follows our lives.
My view allows the possibility that suicide may more often be rational and may even be more rational than continuing to exist. This is because it may be an irrational love for life that keeps many people alive when their lives have actually become so bad that ceasing to exist would be better. This is the view expressed by the old woman in Voltaire's Candide:

A hundred times I wished to kill myself, but my love of life persisted. This ridiculous weakness is perhaps one of the most fatal of our faults.

For what could be more stupid than to go on carrying a burden that we always long to lay down? To loathe, and yet cling to, existence? In short, to cherish the serpent that devours us, until it has eaten our hearts?

 

[Lastsauce]

The UK Population Reference Bureau estimates that about 107 billion people have ever lived.
That's a lot of people scared of death, yet everyone at the current level of technology dies in the end.

 

[aloneintheworld]

I'd be lieing if I didn't say I am scared too. It's gonna take every single fiber of my being to go through with it. I take solace in knowing how many users were able to overcome this feeling and finally achieve peace. It is the hardest road anyone will ever have to take.

This is a good way to long at it I am having a hard time going through with it I keep setting a date and backing out but I still want to die I am just so scared

 

[Starseedchip]

This is the worst part but its only natural. No matter how depressed you are or how badly you want to die..something inside you will resist. Fuck biology and the survival instinct. I know im gonna have to get drunk to push myself to do it.

 

[aloneintheworld]

This is the worst part but its only natural. No matter how depressed you are or how badly you want to die..something inside you will resist. Fuck biology and the survival instinct. I know im gonna have to get drunk to push myself to do it.

Been over a month of me making days and plans to do it and making every excuse in the universe to back out. It's not out of wanting to live it's out of fear it's the worst but I'm afraid taking something to help will mess with my method that happened to me last time and I got too sleepy and fell asleep. It's a catch 22

 

[LastRide]

This is a good way to long at it I am having a hard time going through with it I keep setting a date and backing out but I still want to die I am just so scared

You're not alone...I'm scared too, but I have to go through with it I simply cannot endure this life anymore ! I try to see it like an exam - you're scared before it, you're afraid you might not be up to it, but actually you have prepared well and deep inside you know you can do it, since all you want is that diploma at the end...the diploma for eternal peace, so to speak ! But yes, in school and at university, even though I always got top-class marks in the end, before every exam I'd be in a state of total stress....We'll both have to pull ourselves together my friend and we'll get there ! We just have to continue supporting each other here....it helps to talk about your fears.

 

[Pan]

It is perfectly natural to be frightened; after all, one walks this path alone. It is the hardest task to undertake, as the potential benefits are unknown. I must confess that quantum mechanics gives me a kind of comfort,given that it seems to confirm that You are You, forever.